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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Dec 20, 2007 21:07:29 GMT
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Post by Moo on Dec 20, 2007 21:34:32 GMT
Is this thing still going?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Dec 20, 2007 21:36:29 GMT
In our first ever game, we broke out the pink kits - not hanging about - why wait to look gay!? Yes, as soon as I saw Lemon Moo in the database I transferred him from the Cook Islands to Slough. He's tried to swim back four times already. "Amusingly" Leo "Thesaurus" Roget got himself sent off on 80 minutes, (in a friendly!), thereby earning some new phrases for his profanisaurus. We sacrificed Hector Mackie who had been having a good game up front and settled in to defend the excellent 0-0 we were managing against a bunch of amateur losers from Lincoln. However, on 93 minutes their keeper dallied on the ball for about half an hour too long and Lee "Not The" Clark robbed the ball off him and tapped in for a 1-0 win on our debut. Best moment of the match is left winger Junior Harvey - AssMan Moo told me Harvey was the weakest link in a weak team and we should get rid of him and Moo's ability shone through as Harvey picked up the Man of the Match.
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Post by Moo on Dec 20, 2007 21:59:34 GMT
Reverse psychology, y'see?
:thumb: for Lemon Moo. Is there a Coco Pops and a Throaty Coffs in the database?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Dec 20, 2007 22:04:32 GMT
Sadly not - I looked for more amoosing names, but the Citrus Canute was the only one I found.
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Post by Sonic on Dec 21, 2007 9:44:23 GMT
:cab:
This thread looks a bit different since last I was in it.
Scout eh; I'm looking forward to showing you much showers of crap as you've never seen before. Unless Elth decides he needs to overachieve in the levels of crappness he can shower on you.
Nice start too.
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 9:50:24 GMT
I'm injured boss, can I visit the physio for a week or twos worth of treatment? Before the other buggers take over the injury couch.
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Post by Sonic on Dec 21, 2007 10:24:38 GMT
Remember Coffers, your training the yoofs to follow your lead.
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 10:27:26 GMT
They need more experience before taking on Kate.
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Post by Narcizo on Dec 21, 2007 10:31:52 GMT
I hope you're not planning on me doing any work. I've a Relational Database Forum I have to post on during the day.
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Post by Moo on Dec 21, 2007 11:35:10 GMT
Remember Coffers, your training the yoofs to follow your lead. It'll be like one of the sketches in Monty Python's Meaning Of LIfe, where John Cleese is the teacher, doing sex education lessons with Carol Cleveland. "Watch this boys! She doesn't need any foreplay with me!"
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Post by Sonic on Dec 21, 2007 11:37:23 GMT
Earning your stripes suddenly means something else to the yoofs of this team.
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 12:01:31 GMT
Remember Coffers, your training the yoofs to follow your lead. It'll be like one of the sketches in Monty Python's Meaning Of LIfe, where John Cleese is the teacher, doing sex education lessons with Carol Cleveland. "Watch this boys! She doesn't need any foreplay with me!" :humb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Dec 21, 2007 12:49:11 GMT
Aside from AssMoo who has a spread of stats in the 10/11 range, all of the staff are set up to be good at one thing, so Sonic, you're good (14) at finding potential stars, but shite (1) at working out how good players are now, while elth is the reverse at 14/2 for ability/potential.
Youth coach Coffers has a 2 for working with youth, but a 16 for Motivation. He stands in Kate's room with a megaphone and shouts "footballer's aren't as good these days" at the kids.
Pops has mental attacking and tactical skills, for the FUaDtW. Horn is a decent Goalie coach who shouldn't be let anywhere near the gym, while Narkle is our defensive guru, with questionable motivational ability.
"Fitness" coach 800 has great... mental ability.
You've all got 20 loyalty to Sanctuary too, so you can never leave. Never!
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Dec 21, 2007 12:49:52 GMT
I hope you're not planning on me doing any work. I've a Relational Database Forum I have to post on during the day.
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Post by Narcizo on Dec 21, 2007 12:50:58 GMT
You've all got 20 loyalty to Sanctuary too, so you can never leave. Never! That's starting to sound worryingly like real life.
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Post by Moo on Dec 21, 2007 12:59:45 GMT
I don't want to leave. I want you to fail, so you get fired and we can all claim a moral victory.
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 13:20:43 GMT
Pops has mental attacking Just about spot on, probably. As were my stats. Thought's of megaphone in one hand and a red hot branding iron in the other come to mind.
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 13:21:05 GMT
I don't want to leave. I want you to fail, so you get fired and we can all claim a moral victory. :thumb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Dec 21, 2007 13:22:03 GMT
The Pre-Season The pre-season was baffling and confusing for the new shower in charge at Sanctuary, as our form was all over the place. After squeaking the first game 1-0 against very weak opposition and looking very bad in the process, we lost 2-0 to an even worse shower. Then we went on the road and won a tough away game 2-1, only allowing a goal right at the end when the youth were on, and then promptly lost 4-0 to a Blue Square North bunch.
Our forwards alternated between dangerous and totally missing, with no stops inbetween, while our central defensive pairing were consistent; being atrocious in every game.
We finished the six pre-season games with 2 wins, a draw and three defeats and three red cards, all to Central Defenders who got caught out of position.
The Tickets We sold a whopping 81 season tickets possible because they were advertised in the paper as "TtCaSitCaWSSoSWAaFFDSVAS" which may have confused some people who don't like abbreviations as much as real Divots.
The Stadium In one of the stranger wrinkles in 2008, Groundskeeper Willie felt it was key that I get out on the field with a tape measure and tell him exactly where I wanted him to paint the stripes. I went for a very long, very narrow field, designed to perfectly compliment our cultured tactical style of play, where we try to move the ball from back to front as quickly as possible.
The Odds Sky Bet offer 6-1 on us winning the title, which puts us squarely in the middle of the pack.
The Board The board want us to be in a consolidated position in the Blue Square Premier within four years.
The Transfers With four years to get into the middle of the next division, the board have looked down the back of the couch and found eight grand in pennies. I lash it all on the first player I can find who wants to join, signing Rob "Jim" Dale from Blyth (THIS IS... NORTHUMBERLAND!) Spartans.
"Jim" is six-foot-seven. Let's see if Pops can work out what to do with him.
I try to sign a former international defender from the Ivory Coast and after much quibbling he agrees a deal, but then has his work permit denied.
Affiliations Finally, two days before the first game of the season, the board agree to my request for a parent club. Based on our location they offer the following choices :
Chelsea. QPR. Millwall.
I immediately turn down Chelsea because there's no way their kids are going to come and slum it with us. Millwall are offering a bit more cash than the Hoops and being a division lower there's a chance we might land some of their spawn, but who wants to be associated with them, really?
So QPR it is. Their blue and white hoops mixed with our pink and yellow strips should be garish enough to keep Garraway giggling.
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Post by Moo on Dec 21, 2007 13:45:37 GMT
Giggling and jiggling?
I feel a groin strain coming on...
KUTGW! :thumb:
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 13:54:26 GMT
"Jim" is six-foot-seven. Let's see if Pops can work out what to do with him.
I suggest using him as a clothes line prop.
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Post by hornet on Dec 21, 2007 14:02:03 GMT
"I've never seen a brand of gin that's just called "Gin" before..."
KUTOAW! :thumb:
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Post by Moo on Dec 21, 2007 14:14:38 GMT
Netto's finest, Hornet. From the makers of "Bread buns", "Baked Beans" and the "Beef Stew/dog food" hybrid.
12 pence per tin. Much cheapness.
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Post by coffers on Dec 21, 2007 14:16:30 GMT
Gin at 12p per tin? I might start drinking the stuff if that's all it costs....... Its probably even cheaper than petrol.
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