|
Post by floplexter on Jul 5, 2006 10:00:19 GMT
No, you keep running wild. Wild is good.
:pops:
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 5, 2006 10:02:53 GMT
Of course, when he were a boy, it were all wild round these parts. Tch.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jul 5, 2006 12:25:48 GMT
Aye.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 5, 2006 21:10:59 GMT
November 2005
Cukaricki vs CSK CSK 3-1 / Draw 2-1 / Cukaricki 4-5 (Fav) Cukaricki have come down from the "Super" League and are expected to have us for lunch. Lunch commences on 39 minutes and the second course is served on 66, putting la Cucaracha ahead 2-0. Shortly after, Legless Morning pinches one back, but that's just asking for trouble, dessert arriving 120 seconds later, to make the score 3-1. In the last minute Morning does it again, but then He Fell Over actually does fall over and he's off, injured, which is handy, because I was getting bored picking between my one resonable forward. Now I get to choose between three crap ones. Cukaricki 3-2 CSK - Damjanovic, 33 - Klaasen, 66 - Legless Morning, 70, 90 - Gajic, 72 - Old Navy[/size] CSK vs BASK CSK 13-8 / Draw 2-1 / BASK 6-4 (Fav)
I always liked basques. Obviously, they were in a fun part of the catalogue, anyway, but they were the best bit of the best bit, the pictures all soft lighting and big hair. Now, I also like BASK, because after they take an early lead, they let us score four times, which is nice and, bearing in mind the trash we're now playing up front, incredibly generous and unlikely. Ant gets things going with a penalty, rubbish forward Sieve grabs a brace thanls entirely to his 17 rating for pace, as he breaks onto long passes and wins a one-on-one with the keeper. With ten minutes left Sieve could have a hattrick, but his shot is turned away, only to fall at the feet of Old Navy who finishes the scoring. CSK 4-1 BASK - Stanic, 5 - Ant, 30 (pen) - Sieve, 33, 35 - Old Navy, 80 - Lonely Lizard[/size] CSK vs Radnicki (K) CSK 7-4 (Fav) / Draw 11-5 / Radnicki (K) 5-4 (Fav)
Radnicki! Collect the whole set! We drew with Radnicki (N) and then drew with Radnicki (P), so now it's Radnicki (K)'s turn. Joy. Legless Morning blasts home a free kick on four minutes, but Fashion Pony flaps at a corner and then fouls a Radnicki forward, allowing a penalty that he can't save. Only 23 more Radnicki's to go! CSK 1-1 Radnicki (K) - Legless Morning, 4 - Mitrovic, 27 (pen)[/size] CSK vs Novi Sad CSK 9-4 / Draw 9-4 / Novi Sad Evens (Fav)
Not much to report here, for a change. Just after the half hour, Panic breaks out. Zarko Panic, that is, scoring for the Sad faces. We equalise on 44 minutes, through Ant and that concludes the voting of the Serbian forwards. CSK 1-1 Novi Sad - Panic, 35 - Ant, 44 - Ant
Defender Hidden Saucepan gets called up for the Swiss under 21s and manages an impressive night, earning his first cap, ruling himself out for three weeks with a thigh injury and getting sent off for punching a Norwegian. At least he'll have a story to tell his mum.
[/size] Macva vs CSK CSK 7-4 / Draw 11-5 / Macva 5-4 (Fav)
It's our last league game of the season before we go on our puzzling three month break and we're not fancied against another of last year's relegated sides. I may have to re-evaluate this Sieve lad, as I've written him off as trash, but he's got another pair here, in just eight minutes, with two close range efforts and could have had more, if he had any composure when sent through. He's all pace and bluster and that seems to work for about a third of the chances he gets. Macva are... odd. They never push the game, never pick up the pace and never really have us worried. Of course, we can't get through a game without one of our defenders passing to the opposition and then shouting "OLE!" as he allows the forward past, to score. Macva 1-2 CSK - Sieve, 2,8 - Stefanovic, 90+ - Old Navy [/size] [/font]
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jul 5, 2006 21:58:56 GMT
Halfway stage and handily placed for a lurk to the top two. You need to start converting those draws into wins though. KUTHPLW! :thumb: (Handily Placed Luking)
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 5, 2006 22:04:37 GMT
With no forwards. It's not easy.
Ianterestingly, I've just noticed that bunches of my players have non-promotion release clauses too.
|
|
|
Post by Sonic on Jul 6, 2006 2:38:03 GMT
Oh, that could be tricky. Are your players all still part-timers? That could help with the training, and improvement in stats wise thingy too. Well as much as you can at these levels.
Yeah, and like Coffers said.
|
|
|
Post by Sonic on Jul 6, 2006 2:38:29 GMT
I mean, having full-tome players, natch :humb:
|
|
|
Post by Narcizo on Jul 6, 2006 5:59:20 GMT
Yeah you want your players to have all their own books s1ugt. Nothing worse than players with only the best-sellers who keeps on wanting to borrow your books.
|
|
|
Post by Boony on Jul 6, 2006 8:06:31 GMT
Yeah you want your players to have all their own books s1ugt. Nothing worse than players with only the best-sellers who keeps on wanting to borrow your books. :checkit:
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jul 6, 2006 9:04:50 GMT
Nice work, s1ut. Lurking nicely...
|
|
|
Post by floplexter on Jul 6, 2006 10:41:56 GMT
Soft lighting, big hair...
Aah, the Eighties.
KUTNW!
(Nostalgic)
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 7, 2006 11:58:54 GMT
Winter in Serbia is interminable. Our last game was on 26 November and our next, 25 February. For the players, it wasn’t so bad. The time off meant that they could concentrate on their real jobs, as milkmen, or goat herders, or guinea pigs for pharmaceutical companies. For me it meant day after day in the third largest office in the building; a poky corner box that was half the size of the Director’s office and about one fifth the size of the office given to our web developer. The door had been taken off the frame to have my name stencilled on and the local da Vinci had delicately and beautifully inscribed the wrong side of the glass, leaving visitors to my Portakabin of paradise to look at ylesrednaB .J rM .reganaM
The playing staff included exactly one full-time player – the emphysemic 36 year old back up goalkeeper Batman’s Razor – and I made him come into the ground every day just so I’d have someone to talk to. Not all the time, you understand. The last thing I want is to listen to some wheezy old goalkeeper bang on about his vegetable patch, so he waited outside, with the receptionist. Oksana was nice enough and had faithfully followed me around since I had rescued her from the shocking exploitation of the Miss Brest beauty pageant in Belarus. I’d taken a peep at the judge’s scorecards and she was only going to come third anyway. After a couple of drinks Oksana’s accent was cute and she was organised and worked hard, but mostly I kept her about for the cachet of having a beauty contestant in tow. “I’m with her” gets you into a lot of nightclubs when the her looks like she does. She buzzed me now. I could hear Razor’s laboured breathing across the intercom. If I ever actually started him, he’d probably die. I should find out what Mrs Razor looks like. “Monsieur Biscuits for you, Jez.” After four years she still managed to elongate “Jez” to three syllables, “ee-yor-ez”, sounding like a Spanish donkey. This was the worst part of the winter break. The scouts. During the bit of the football season that actually contained football, they were always easily ignored. I had other things to do. Now, sitting in the office playing Minesweeper all day, I couldn’t really put them off and they knew it, calling me with endless lines of trash. Every last one of them described as “decent.” My four scouts had recommended over three hundred players to me so far, exactly two of which they’d enthused about enough to describe as “good.” Everyone else was “decent.” Every last one. From over 30 has-been Cypriot defenders, to kids fresh from school, to middle aged Croatian midfielders limping about on dodgy knees. Decent, decent, decent. “Thanks Oksana. Can you get Mr Biscuits’ employment papers for me?” “Jez?” The donkey sound again. “If he uses the word decent again, he’s fired. I’d like to have the papers ready so I can do it while he’s on the phone.” She laughed a little. Open and then slightly nervously. “You and your jokes, Jez,” A pause and then, “I’ll bring them to you.” There was a click as the call was put through. “Sebastien!” I enthused. “’Allo.” “How is Kazakhstan?” “Eet’s ok.” Honestly. “Ok?” I’d become so tired of the beige reports from my four scouts that I’d sent them to Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and Wales. Alarmingly, they’d all actually gone. In their place, I would have taken the travel expenses and holed up in a Hungarian drinking pit for four weeks. “What have you got for me then, Seb?” “Ah new forward, oo ees kweek and powerfool.” “Is he any good though?” “Ah theenk zo.” “How good?” “What?” I smiled as Okasana opened the door and crack, slid through and placed a folder marked “M. Sebastien Biscuits” in front of me. Time for the kill. “Well, is he ok, or great or rubbish, give me an adjective, Seb.” “Errr, well…” “Any one will do. Fabulous. Terrible.” “Ah don’t fink ah fone yoo for terreebal playurz.” “So…?” “Eee iss….” The red rubber stamp marked “TERMINATED” bought from the Kragujevac branch of Woolworths hovered over the Belgian’s contract. “…. promizing.” “You lucky bastard!”
|
|
ronmanager
Meej's Sister's Turtle
ceci n'est pas une belgian
Jumpers for goalposts
Posts: 121
|
Post by ronmanager on Jul 7, 2006 12:07:13 GMT
The door had been taken off the frame to have my name stencilled on and the local da Vinci had delicately and beautifully inscribed the wrong side of the glass, leaving visitors to my Portakabin of paradise to look at ylesrednaB .J rM .reganaM
That's probably Serbian for "Do not feed. Already fat enough." Oh, and I like this. Would want more Chita-like newspapers, though. KUTBUTNW! :thumb:
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jul 7, 2006 12:44:11 GMT
You don't ask for much, do you Ron? I'd have dired him anyway, s1ut, he reversed the charges and you now can't afford the third nipple you always wanted. Ah well. :thumb:
|
|
|
Post by floplexter on Jul 7, 2006 12:58:05 GMT
Sounds like he's dired already, moo, especially in the accent department.
Kicking stuff, though not all over-35s are emphis...empysh...empyth.. wheezy.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 7, 2006 13:13:59 GMT
This one is. He's had the flu three times since I took over.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jul 7, 2006 13:15:22 GMT
Fefinitely dire him then.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 7, 2006 14:06:10 GMT
Sounds like he's dired already, moo, especially in the accent department. Have you heard a Belgian accent then? Have you really?
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jul 7, 2006 22:48:07 GMT
Well seeing as he used the past tense of dire, I think he's now dead. Nice ine s1ut. :humb:
KUTDW! :thumb: (Diring)
|
|
|
Post by Sonic on Jul 9, 2006 23:01:20 GMT
NIce, and by the look of things, a long middle break in the season. I bet if you'd have tried to sign that promising forward, he wouldn't have wanted to come. He'd have dired instead of signing.
The new sign on your door probably means they can now pronounce your name in Serbian.
:thumb:
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 24, 2006 9:21:08 GMT
Oh do come on! This fucking break extends on forever. The new players show up in January, like a late Christmas present you ordered from the catalogue that showed up too late and wasn’t the size you wanted anyway. They’re mostly poor, especially left midfielder Joker Pope who I signed off my own back, just to prove my scouts wrong, only to find out that he really is utter toilet. The first scout to laugh gets fired. Twice if he happens to be Belgian. The Pope aside, Laser Jesus looks ok and Dinosaur Cyclist has pace, I just need to find out what to do with it, exactly. The bloke I haven't nicknamed yet is a project for the future. After being tonked by league leaders Red Star in a friendly, I line up a series of stiffs, so that our confidence will be high for when the real games start. We win all three by a combined 10-1 score, but then the first team loses to the reserves in our final kickabout, which means that now I have to fire the AssMan too. We get back into the real games at the end of February and two things become immediately apparent. First; we’re still really totally dire – the Christmas break did not imbue any of my players with some unexplainable rise in skill level. Second; my players are involved with some far eastern cartel to fix the Serbia and Montenegro pools coupon. Yes, much like the other type of S&M, it’s ties all around. Our next six games include five draws, the other game being a somewhat unbelievable 3-0 win over Bezanija. On April Fools day we score another win, 2-0 over Vlasina and with twelve games to go we’re in fourth, seven points behind second place and the final promotion spot. We’re eleven games without losing, but our form reads WDDDW, which, as some northern monkey pointed out, is just a couple of L’s away from being a Welsh mining village.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jul 24, 2006 9:41:52 GMT
Not too bad stu, lurking nicely and a promotion spot is a possibility if you can turn those draws into wins.
How many of your first teamers are on Full time contracts and hence full time training? Full time training is key to stat boosting.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jul 24, 2006 9:42:12 GMT
PS: KUTGW! :thumb:
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jul 24, 2006 10:04:03 GMT
We have about seven first teamers on full time deals now, with others staying part time because they're not long term solutions. Some of the more promising kids in the reserve team are also FT. There's a couple of others who are mulling over full time deals, but need a little more.... encouragement.
The problem I have is that the board won't go above €60pw for my coaches, which means I just cannot get anyone in full time, that's worthwhile.
|
|