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Post by coffers on Jul 4, 2006 22:47:56 GMT
It seemed like a normal day just like any other day that I had recently enjoyed chained to the bed, at least I and the bed were clean, the food was palatable and I had got used to the light. The man I came to know as the Master swept into the room with an entourage around 10am. With a sweep of his hand he demanded my release and proclaimed "You are now under my protection, you will do whatever I say and will be well looked after"'
Who was I to argue? I didn't even know who I was.
He said that he had heard I had a special gift a knowledge that was priceless and for that he would pay me well to help him in his cause. He did warn me that there would be punishments for failures, but rewards beyond my wildest dreams for achieving success. It didn't seem as if I had a choice so I just nodded, anyway what could be worse than the pain I had endured, in those dark times? My body shuddered at the thought, I wasn't so sure it was a shudder, it was more like anticipation of pleasure.
The Master wore a leather coat and strangely carried a whip, which he claimed came from a collection of his grandfathers war memorabilia. I suspected his grandfather may have liberated it from some unsuspecting Nazi SS officer, judging by the style and cut. I was told I would be the front man for his football team, his hobby outside of his real work., he mapped out a future for the team that included avoiding relegation in the forthcoming season. My protests were waved away with a dismissive flick of the hand and a knowing wink. He just added, "you know the secret of tictacs, I think you will do well. You will have the best of everything and the best padded dugout in the league"
Wherever he went he was followed by an army of sycophants, who he introduced as my staff:
Forget It was introduced as my assistant, he would see to my every need and advise me in the way things worked around here. He had an evil look about him and I didn't entirely trust him from the moment we met.
Petrified Limp was introduced as one of many coaches, but he had something extra going for him, he also doubled as a Goalkeeper in the reserve team.
The other coaches were quickly glossed over in a flurry of words and included:
Vaseline Sandwich, Rustic Night, Prior Petrification, Misread Bran-flake, Jovial Vodka and His Mum Was Serious.
It seemed that everyone was known by some codename around here and I quickly learned that mine was English Pig, I think it was some sort of insult, but I had got used to those over the last few years and didn't react.
More people were introduced; Physiotherapists Tom Cat and Stenna Stairlift and finally we had two scouts: Slobby Fossil and Freeze Dried Nuts all seemed well versed in the art of kow-towing.
As the introductions ended, The Master informed me that should I need anything then word would get to him and he would make things happen. With that he said the players would be introduced to me as soon as he had finished whipping the rest of the staff into shape. For some reason I didn't like the sound of that..........
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Post by Moo on Jul 5, 2006 8:28:58 GMT
Kow-towing. A strange word, one vastly underused, thankfully. A nice set-up so far, Coffers. :thumb:
And a :thumb: to s1ut too.
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Post by coffers on Jul 5, 2006 19:40:27 GMT
Forget It quickly glossed over the strengths and weaknesses of the coaches for me and I formulated some training schedules. I gave instructions to Forget It regarding which coaches should concentrate on which schedule, we were covered to 3 stars in all areas except set-pieces, aerobic and shooting. Forget It was covering shooting but the other two were covered by Jovial Vodka, he could do with concentrating on one area but that would have to wait. We needed at least another another coach and I quickly assessed that I would like to replace Forget It as quickly as possible.
Next the scouts; Slobby Fossil was sent on a tour of the country and Freeze Dried Nuts was sent to Eastern Europe. We definitely needed more scouts so that went down in my notepad, the physios were bobbins so we needed improvements in all areas of the backroom. Before I took my life in my hands and approached The Master on the delicate subject of improvements to the backroom boys, I set them about the tasks of training the players in the tactics I intended to use.
I approached The Master's door with trepidation, and gingerly knocked three times.
"GROVEL!" came a shout from the other side.
I immediately fell to my hands and knees and, taking the response to mean enter, opened the door and crawled in.
"Ah, Pig! Everything is well I take it?" queried The Master.
"Errr, w w w well so far everything except f f f for Forget It" I stammered.
"Forget what?" The Master replied.
I suddenly lost my nervousness and responded; "No, I mean Forget It, the ass-man, he's shit, I think we should replace him and we should get better Physio's, we should also recruit some more coaches and scouts. If I'm to help you in your quest, we need to make improvements in all areas, including the backroom staff."
The Master looked down his nose at me and stroked his ever present whip; "OK he said I'll see what I can do, but for this I do expect to see some good results sooner rather than later. As for Forget It, he's not shit, he's the best ass licker I've ever had, are you sure he should be replaced?"
"Oh yes I'm sure" was my reply "He is worse than shit, he might do as he's told but he doesn't really know what he is doing. The sooner he is gone the better, the team will be better for it too."
The Master studied me intently "Right leave things with me, just one question; who released you from your chains?"
I felt guilty, but there was only one answer I could give; "Your favourite crawly bum licker." slid effortlessly from my lips.
"I see what you mean" The Master sneered "Right get back to your work and don't bother me again today".
I returned to the fields that were laughingly called training facilities, I had plans for those, but they would have to wait. It's strange, I can't ever remember doing work like this before in my life, well let's face it can't remember most of my life, but this felt so right, it felt like I'd been born to do this work.
I strolled across the field and prepared to take notes about the players as they went about their training, whistling happily to myself knowing that if I had achieved one thing today, it was the future removal of Forget It.........
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Post by coffers on Jul 5, 2006 20:28:29 GMT
My whistling gait was stopped in mid tune as I neared the gathered players, they were all sat down, not doing a lot.
"Forget It! Why aren't these players running around kicking balls or something?" I questioned.
"Well, errr Pig, we have a game this afternoon and we figured they might be tired if they do anything now" he replied.
"A game?" I stammered, shocked to the marrow of my bones "and you neglected to tell me? I would have approached today in a different way had I known. This really is not good enough. Get them down to the stadium and get them prepared as best you can. Forget It, you'll have to pick the team as I don't know who's who, I'll have to rely on your judgment just this once"
I could have cried, this may not go the way I had planned, well not the first game anyway. After carefully questioning the rest of the coaches, I found out that friendly was away to Kikinda a non league outfit and I would have to get to the stadium quickly as the team bus would be leaving very soon. I was not a happy man.........
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Post by coffers on Jul 5, 2006 22:15:41 GMT
I was even less happy when I witnessed what was served up as a football match. Granted we won 2-0, but the players seemed clueless and seemed incapable of passing to a static dustbin placed within 2 yards of the passer. Kikinda ran the show for the first half hour until I screamed at them to start getting the ball forward as quickly as they could. It didn't improve the quality, but it at least got the ball in the opposing half for a while. On the stroke of half time, our Right Back; Torn Chalk Mark hoofed the ball into the penalty box and AMC, Token Old Fart, rose to head in the opener unchallenged. The second period was much the same as the first. Substitute AM/LC Arms & Legs added a second goal 2 minutes into injury time, coolly slotting the ball in from 16 yards after good play by Nouvelle Cuisine. The game was poor but we had won. I could probably expect to sleep soundly in my bed tonight.
Tomorrow would see me closely examine the credentials of the players in the club.
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Post by floplexter on Jul 5, 2006 22:50:55 GMT
Bit too much detail here, I'm thinking. Crawly bum lick.
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Post by Sonic on Jul 6, 2006 0:30:02 GMT
That's not detailed by Coffers, that's just warming up. Be afraid Pops, be very afraid of.
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Post by Moo on Jul 6, 2006 8:53:05 GMT
Pops - you're out of touch a wee bit. That's his shorthanded version. When coffers gets going, even Tolstoy would have been frightened.
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Post by coffers on Jul 7, 2006 23:35:35 GMT
I would have slept soundly in my bed but for the fact I was escorted to my room by what appeared to be bodyguards and I was once again back in chains. After leaving me food and drink the bodyguard retreated and left me to my own devices for the night. I tossed and turned reliving the farce that I had witnessed this afternoon and the so called players who had took part in it.
It was a long hot stuffy night, but eventually I feel into a fitful sleep. Morning came all too soon and after a surprisingly decent breakfast, I was back on the training ground assessing what we had:
Do You Know What Your Hands Are For?
Lacerated Herb 6' 2" 26yo Serbian GK, looks OK but that's about it, a first teamer, First up on the ass-mans team sheet. Played well enough in the opening friendly but I'm not convinced.
Dove In Drag 6' 1" 32yo Serbian GK, first teamer, about on a par with Lacerated Herb, but again apart from his height he's probably awful.
Petrified Limp 6' 3" 36yo Serbian keeper, a reserve and I don't think he has long left on this planet let alone in this team.
Petrified Gonads 6' 2", 26 yo Serbian who calls himself a goalkeeper, I call him Shoite, and it's no wonder he is in the reserves.
Modern Decoder 5' 10" Serbian Keeper aged 17 years. Currently in the U19 squad, but looks about the best keeper we have.
I feel sick and retire to the sheds we call training rooms for a lie down, I'll need a rest before I review the rest of the squad........
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Post by Moo on Jul 8, 2006 13:09:33 GMT
Modern Decoder ' 10" Serbian Keeper aged 17 years. Currently in the U19 squad, but looks about the best keeper we have. It tells you something about the quality of the Serbian keepers if your best one is only ten inches tall. Sheesh!
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Post by coffers on Jul 9, 2006 18:16:34 GMT
Moo: well spotted, I've amended the mistake to the correct height now.
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Post by Sonic on Jul 9, 2006 23:06:54 GMT
I must have been ripped off, as I only got 3 GKers. One of them a geriatric who actually, scarily, could play as I've no other options if something does happen to my others.
Still no games I see :checkit:
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Post by coffers on Jul 10, 2006 9:11:58 GMT
Sonic: What do you mean no games? You obviously aren't paying attention again. My post before I listed the keepers included the first friendly. Which we won 2-0. Regarding the number of keepers, it might have something to do with me not using real players when I started up the game.
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Post by coffers on Jul 10, 2006 20:17:18 GMT
After about an hour sitting in a darkened shed, rocking to and fro with my head in my hands, I managed to work up enough courage to wander out to the killing fields, I named them that because I am rapidly coming to believe that I could kill someone there very soon. I ventured over to where Vaseline Sandwich was orchestrating a bunch of shambolic defenders and started making notes based on my observations and Vaseline's comments: For Fook's Sake Hoof It, Anywhere Just Anywhere: Torn Chalk Mark 29yo D/WBR, Serbian first teamer, he actually looks to be our best defender and has good physical attributes, the mental attributes of a bull, and it's probably best to gloss over anything technical, one of the better performers in the first friendly. Big Pants 23 yo, 6' 1" Serb DC, 1st team, looks alright except for his lack of pace, strength and stamina, three things that worry me. He has yet to see action. Side Swipe 27 yo, 6' 1" German DC, 1st team. Another yet to start a game, pace and stamina are a worry as are a lot of technical areas including heading, mentally he's OK but maybe should be in a straight jacket. Geisha Counter 19yo, 5' 9" Serb DC, 1st team. fast, averagely mental and garbage, got on as a sub in the first game and showed absolutely nothing. Probably a bit small for a centre back and not one double figure in the tech stakes. Radioactive Van 19yo, 5' 9" Serb D/WBL, 1st team, I suspect he will clinch a starting spot at left back. Reasonable all round. Did well enough in the opener. Zit On Legs 32, 5' 10" Serb DL/WBRL/MRL, 1st team he looks pretty decent apart from his pace, strength and stamina, pity about his age as he could have done a reasonable long term job for us, as it is he do stand in job for a season or maybe two. Unpronounceable Bozo 27yo, 6' 1" Serb SW/DC, 1st team: Technically incompetent, Mentally unstable and physically average, but he can jump and mark. For the life of me, I can't see why he's in the first team. Ah Sole: 26yo, 5' 11" Bahrain D/WBL, reserve: Actually looks better than most of the first team defenders if he could last more than a half. Archduke Ferdinand 22yo, 5' 10", Serb DLC, reserve: has potential if we could build up his stamina or strength, I'll be very wary of killing this one, it might start a war or something. Forest Gimp 23yo, 6' 0", German D/WBR reserve: Another player who I think should be in the first team, as does Forget It. Zorba The Leek 21yo, 5' 9" Serb DLC reserve: Aggressive bostord who'll run away at the first sign of trouble. Could have potential, except his stamina is suspect. Bottomless Knowledge 30yo, 5' 10" Serb DC/DM reserve, will probably be more use in midfield and may soon find himself in the first team squad. Nouvelle Cuisine 18yo, 5' 10" Serb, D/WBR, U19: good potential and certainly has a chance of breaking through into the 1st team soon. Took his chance well in the 1st game assisting in the 2nd goal. Ice Pack 17yo, 5' 10" Kazakhstan DC, U19: might be useful in the future if he can improve in all technical areas. After sitting down to sort out my overall feelings about the defence, I feel things could be worse, in general they look a game bunch if some of them could do with a few cross country runs behind them. Although there is always room for improvement, I don't feel this should be a priority area at the minute. Next I looked towards Prior Petrification who was putting the midfielders through their ball control paces: Queenie Queenie Who's Got The Ball?Bovine Glue 18yo, 5' 11", Serb AMLC, 1st team: A dmned tasty looking player, but with a Stamina of 6 he could have problems keeping up with play. He's immediately told to cut out the fags or he'll be smoking from the wrong end. Geordie Outhouse 29yo, 5' 9" Serb AML, 1st team: Think of another word for outhouse and you've nailed this one to his perch. Frankenstein's Assistant 30yo, 5' 10", Serb DM/MRC, 1st team: I think The Master has been experimenting on this one for years, He's a poseur but crap. Bodge Job 27yo, 5' 11" Serb DM, 1st team, doesn't look much but was one of the best on show in the opener. Having said that, I'm sure he has a future in another profession. Token Old Fart 31yo, 6' 1" Serb AMC, 1st team, Not bad for his age and scored a goal in the opening game. Capsten Full Strength 27yo, 5' 9", Serb AM/FC 1st team: A midfielder who can't pass, I don't think so, may be better used up front, or maybe not at all. Damson Deli-bar 30yo 5' 11" Serb DM/MRC, reserve, actually looks a decent enough player. Pnumatic Dan 37yo, 5' 7" Serb ML, reserve and listed. knackered, shit and past it is all I can say. Radon Detector 20yo, 5' 11", Serb AMLC, reserve: enthusiastic and has potential acording to Forget It, I'll reserve judgement. Mi'lord Simulator 22yo, 6' 3" Serb MC, reserve, very physical and that's about it. Low Slung Donkey 22yo, 5' 9" Vietnamese AMC, reserve; Technically abysmal, phisically OK, Mentally; what the fook is he doing here? Radical Sneeze 17yo, 5' 11" Serb Dm, U19; Looks to have decent stats for his age, if he can improve he'll be a decent one for the future. Arms & Legs 18yo, 5' 10" Serb, AMLC/FC U19, played well in the first game and scored a goal. Physically sound, needs to improve in the other two areas. Underarm Vaseline 17yo, 5' 9" Serb AMC, U19; has potential but will need a lot of hard work in all areas. I think someone might have put something in my coffee as at this point I'm looking at the squad and thinking it's not all bad. I start to wonder if the attack can match what I've seen so far? Misread Branflake is putting the final touches to an attacking strategy as I wander over to his sorry looking bunch: That Stringy Looking Thing Is Not For FishingLove Length 27yo 5' 11" Serb AM/FC, 1st Team: I've seen worse, I think but can't really put my finger on where, did ok without threatening in the first game. Concrete Breakfast 30yo 6' 0" Serb, Striker, 1st team: Oh my gawd, I think he has a future elsewhere. Slavering Simpleton 19yo, 5' 9", Serb Striker, 1st team: good fisrt touch, pace and youth on his side. One In A Bed Sex Romp 18yo, 5' 9", Serb ST, 1st team: Physical and Mental but lacks technique which might explain his name. Slobbering Rat 25yo, 5' 11" Serb ST, reserve: Oh dear! Capillary Mirror 29yo, 5' 10" Serb St, reserve: I hope he's seen better days because he won't be seeing a lot here, having said that he's fast and has 13 for finishing. The day spent at the training ground leaves me with one thought in mind; we need better strikers. Given a chance we could strengthen other areas, but the strike force was a priority. The rest of the week was spent trying to find some unattached freebies, but none were willing to sign their life away to join a bunch of half wits and failed experiments.
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Post by coffers on Jul 10, 2006 20:36:28 GMT
The second friendly was away to Samadija 1903 and it was a bit if a stroll really, Arms & Legs had a belter of a game scoring in 30 seconds and 4 minutes. Slobbering Simpleton added a third after assisting the second on 33, then we just played out the rest of the game to a 3-0 win. One thing is apparent; the team lack stamina and and are struggling with my pressing game. Torn Chalk mark assisted the first and Token Old Fart helped with the third.
After the game Forget It informs me that Low Slung Donkey will hang a bit lower for the next few weeks as no body has shown the slightest bit of interest in him, after I offered him around the globe for a bargain price of three fifths.
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Post by Sonic on Jul 10, 2006 23:01:55 GMT
Friendly? Am I reading the same story that you writing? And they don't count, so still no games I see :checkit: Zit On Legs 32, 5' 10" Serb DL/WBRL/MRL, 1st team he looks pretty decent apart from his pace, strength and stamina, pity about his age as he could have done a reasonable long term job for us, as it is he do stand in job for a season or maybe two. Resonably long term job? Not using real players seems to have given you more players to play with. It's good to see that it didn't change the crappness of your forwards by any stretch of the imagination.
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Post by coffers on Jul 11, 2006 0:27:26 GMT
The friendlies were now coming thick and fast, I didn't have time to think, well seeing what the scout reports looked like, I didn't really want time to think, I could feel a sense of pain starting in the back of my head with the arrival of each report, it has to be said that Forget It does have his uses, when told to dispose of the evidence and never speak of it again, he promptly ate every single report, but I had to physically restrain him from tearing out his own tongue with a pair of mole grips tied to a door which in turn was tied to the local bull. The sooner we find a replacement for him the better.
The third friendly meant a trip into Bulgaria, it was an away match at Pirin (Razlog) wherever that may be, thankfully the coach driver knew, though I still haven't got a clue as I spent the journey on both directions asleep, more than likely a drugged sleep having been told it was for my own good. The game passed in a haze, but i do remember Pirin took the lead after only 4 minutes when Gospodinov sliced the ball in from 16 yards, the defence failed to close down quick enough. We equalised on 19 when Geordie Outhouse received a throw in from Forest Gimp, turned his marker and dribbled across the edge of the area before unleashing an almighty shit shot into the right corner of the goal. I vaguely remember mumbling things like, "come on you can win this" during a break in play and making changes, but the game petered out like a gray day with no one standing out.I was informed later that it ended 1-1 and everyone was thankful that it ended. I was also told that Zit On Legs blasted a penalty wide on 48, if I ever get real hard evidence of that, he might be renamed Zit Without Legs. I definitely think someone is putting something in my food or drink. Boy do I feel weird...........
In a fitful nights sleep, weird dreams invade my sub-conscious and I awaken with the feeling that the squad has another weakness, namely that we are light in numbers on the right side of midfield.
What I could do about it was anybodies guess, but I voiced my concerns to The Master and he nodded sagely, eyeing me up as a dog eyes his next dinner, then he said "You are doing well so far and I admire your perception, be careful who you talk about it to, as we don't want word getting out.".
This puzzled me and it must have shown on my face as The Master added "Are you sure you thought of that by yourself, or did you get a little help from somebody?".
I looked up, slightly shocked and replied "I don't think anybody helped me, but I did feel rather weird all day yesterday, and the thought came to me in a dream through the night. What went on in the game is a bit hazy though, it felt like I was watching it through a fog and everything panned out so slowly."
"Ah, I think Forget It is up to his old tricks again" retorted The Master, "Don't worry it's harmless, just be wary of anything he gives you to eat or drink and don't let him near any of the players food or drinks. He'll be gone soon enough, but you need a scapegoat for the time being".
I was left thinking; "what's harmless?" and "If he shouldn't be let near food and drink, what does he put in it that worries The Master?"
I soon had other things to worry about, two new coaches appeared on the scene, I wasn't sure where they came from and they weren't telling but they did boost the training schedules, Attic Attack boosted the goalkeeper training to 4 stars and Soup Dragon was told to concentrate on Shooting, boosting this to 3 stars, this enabled Jovial Vodka to concentrate on set pieces which also received a boost to three stars. As I said I don't know where the news guys came from, but I noticed that money disappeared from the accounts and was also told not to ask.
Forget It was now definitely the weak link as he was on Aerobics and was operating at 2 stars. I was hoping for a replacement to happen very soon, we needed every advantage that we could find and any way we could find it. I was beginning to get the hang of ignoring the odd things that were happening around me, including the guy who turned up with his boots before the next match and informed me he had been promised a trial by someone called Pig.
The trialst turned in a good game against our next opponents, Cracovia who had traveled all the way from Poland to bore the pants off me. In order to keep my full wits about me I declined all offers of food and drink and wished I hadn't. The trialist a 20yo Serbian MC called Sadman Co-Pilot happened to score the opening goal on 4 minutes after the Cracovia keeper parried a Capstan Full Strength attempt to bundle the ball in the net. Cracovia started to play some fluid football then, whereas we were just fluid, especially in the 32nd minute when were were as fluid as the Red Sea parting and Cracovia equalised. An astounding 80 people bothered to come and watch the events play themselves out to a 1-1 draw. A few asked for their money back, they were quickly bundled out of the ground by a bunch of heavy looking characters that I hadn't seen before.
The time up to the next game was spent ploughing through reams of dross sent in by the scouts, The master told me that the only interest anyone had shown in Forget It's job were from internal candidates, I'd had first hand knowledge of them and they weren't really what I had in mind, so it looks as if I'll be stuck with him longer than I intended.
Another home friendly was upon us and a first half of dross ensued, the entire outfield was replaced at the break and on 59 Slavering Simpleton broke the Radniki O defence with a through ball to Slobbering Rat who rounded the keeper and slid an angled ball in for the opener. On 91, Radon Detector sent a long cross to the far post and Love Length rose majestically to head in from an angle. The 2-0 win will help morale, we're unbeaten so far, even if the opposition has been poor.
IN the final friendly that had been arranged before I arrived we traveled to Chavdar who are Bulgarian in origin and they started well, but we weathered the initial storm and strolled to a 4-1 victory by the end of the game. Arms & Legs opened on 17, Chavdar equalised on 33 and looked to be in control until, Mi'lord Simulator plundered a goal just before the break. On 51, Capillary Mirror got on the end of an Arms & Legs long ball and lobbed the keeper for number three. The scoring was completed on 77 when Underarm Vaseline slid a shot in after Slavering Rat had dribbled into a good positing before feeding Vaseline. I was quite overjoyed at the performance but only added a Well Done at the end, I didn't want the squad getting any ideas that they had made it after all we don't get to play with 12 substitutes in the real competition.
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Post by coffers on Jul 11, 2006 0:34:47 GMT
Friendly? Am I reading the same story that you writing? And they don't count, so still no games I see Of course they count if only to show the game is loaded and underway after a delayed start due to holidays. :humb:
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Post by Sonic on Jul 11, 2006 5:38:55 GMT
You are doing well so far and I admire your perception, be careful who you talk about it to as we don't want word getting out. What he said, though I don't know what is meant by get out. :thumb:
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Post by Moo on Jul 11, 2006 8:25:42 GMT
Mysterious poof! KUTRRW! (Ruth Rendell )
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Post by Boony on Jul 11, 2006 15:10:12 GMT
Is this worth reading?
:thumb:
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Post by coffers on Jul 11, 2006 15:11:13 GMT
I should cocoa. Pops found it very weird. Oh hang on that was the first post he found wierd, he found a later post had too much detail. :humb:
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Post by coffers on Jul 11, 2006 15:19:49 GMT
You are doing well so far and I admire your perception, be careful who you talk about it to as we don't want word getting out. I don't know what is meant by get out. To be honest, neither do I.
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Post by Sonic on Jul 12, 2006 0:07:55 GMT
I don't know what is meant by get out. To be honest, neither do I.
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Post by coffers on Jul 12, 2006 16:33:53 GMT
Coming out of the last fiendly I notice that we have 3 weeks to kill before the start of the season, so I consulted with The Master and asked him to see if he coould arrange some home games against some bigger clubs, using his contacts. By the end of the following day he comes back and informs me that we have struck gold and will be playing against Crystal Palace and Xanthi, buth games should raise £8k apiece but he's promised half the takings to the opposition. I've got a feeling this couold be bad for morale, but it will at least give the wanabees a chance to strut their stuff against real clubs.
The rest of the next 7 days is spent trying to entice new players into the club with anything I have at my disposal, money, extortion, lollypops and begging.
Some of my attempts actually work as a 13yo MC, called Joking Aside, joins us from Sloga (L) for a fee of £10k, plus £1k per month for 12 months and the promise of 35% of any future sell on fee. As he joins the squad he is immediately revalued at £18k. We're are apparently paying him £45 per month on a part-time basis for him to rotate when he's told to.
I also manage to snare a 19yo Serb DM, from Mladost (L), called Radio Rental for £16k, his value immediately plummets to £7k. I still cannot find a striker worth signing that is better than what we already have.
17yo Stotty Cake joins from Macva for a fee of £2k plus 10% of any future fee. Je's adecent looking D/DMC, who could well jump staright into the first team.
The Master has been busy behind the scenes and recruits another coach by dubious methods, £3k disappears out of our accounts and Home Made yak turns up for training one day asking what happened and why isn't he still in the Ukraine with Bukovyna? I tell him not to worry but he's safe now, I also tell him to concentrate of teaching the squad to stand up on their own two feet. He looks at me quzically so I elaborate; "that means aerobics to the better informed". Oh he says and makes of at a shuffling pace, well it is hard to walk when your feet are impeded by a ball and chain. Still he manages to boost the aerobic training to 3 stars, which all but makes Forget It Redundant.
The Master sends word that there is still no interest in the Ass-Mans job outside of the club so he's going to offer it to Vaseline Sandwich, his full time appointment for the next 3 years is confirmed later in the day and Forget It doesn't seem to be around anymore. Nobody has heard anything from him all day, though Vaseline commented on strange stains on the floor of his new office and long scratch marks of the surface of his desk which all appear to be recent.
As I joined the lads for their last training session before the home friendly against Crystal Palace I noticed a bunch of flowers on a small hump in the corner of the field, funny I hadn't noticed the hump before and no one else seemed to notice it. I asked about the flowers and someone said that it was there as a reminder of former comrades that had fallen in the war. This struck me as odd as I hadn't seen or heard anything in the local news, but no one else seemed to regard it as odd. The Master's response was that I'd get used to these odd local ways if I stayed around long enough. Something is not right around here and I cannot quite fathom it out.
Before I could start to worry anymore about recent events it was time to field a team for the Crystal Palace friendly, I let Vaseline pick the team as a present on his debut, I dictated the formation and tactics. As expected we got beat but it was only 1-0 and it was by a 76th minute penalty after Love Length helped a Palace player measure his own length in the penalty area. 2304 paying patrons turned up to watch a brave effort unfold. The effort the team put in surprised me and we matched Palace for shots at goal, though they had one more on target than we did. I told the lads it was a good effort and would like to think taht The Master would be pleased at the performance. He didn't look pleased but he didn't look angry either.
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