|
Post by coffers on Jan 14, 2009 14:15:56 GMT
When my middle son first heard that song, he thought that the lyrics went: "Oooh my little pretty one, my pretty one When you gonna give me some Times New Roman?"As you can imagine, we have in no way sung that version every single time it comes up in Rock Band. For the record, my gran walked into my Dads room about 35 years ago and said "What's he on about? Why's he singing about his sewing machine?". Listening to Hawkwind has never been the same since. Class.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jan 14, 2009 15:55:22 GMT
War is Hell Dull.
The first few weeks after the opening of the war weren't especially exciting, as precisely nothing happens. However, the few weeks after that are.... even less interesting, as exactly the same nothing happens again and I hate repeats.
Trying to stay busy and, in best Amurite Boy Scout tradition, be prepared for the oncoming storm we cancelled construction of a fishing vessel in Cervedes and turned efforts to ringing the city with a palisade instead.
Once that was done we conscripted some of the more fit men into another warrior unit, so that we could defend the city with something more than the scrawny fella we'd found in the woods and we also wouldn't have to let Galak the Crazed anywhere near anyone important who he might accidentally repeatedly stab.
In the five minutes every two weeks that Galak actually listened to orders, we sent him out on a rotating screen to the east to make sure that no one was trying to sneak up on us, which led to the untimely demise of several Mammoths, some lions and a palm tree that "looked at him funny" but to no sign of any incoming enemy.
Galak's travels also freed an adventurer from a dungeon he stumbled over, who was immediately sent in the other direction from Galak so that there were no unfortunate "accidents." When he got to Cervedes he introduced himself as "Kimble the Quick" and although "quick" was clearly an ironic name given to him by school children, he was pretty handy with a sword, so I was very happy about that.
He also got better whenever he did anything, gaining experience by eating lunch, putting on a hat or pointing out clouds that look like Unicorns. So by the time the Clan of Embers finally showed up for this war I'd heard all about, Kimble the Quick was a bit tasty. Y'know, he could handle himself if things got a bit lively.
In fact, the first battle in the war between the Amurites and the Clan of Embers would go down in history as the "Battle of Kimble the Quick saving us from Certain Doom."
Next Expisode : Kimble the Quick saves us from certain doom.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jan 14, 2009 16:04:11 GMT
:thumb:
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jan 14, 2009 18:03:13 GMT
This then, is the opening move in the war between the Clan of Embers and the Amurites. It begins with movement and screaming from the nearby forests. I go to shout at Galak to stop bothering the wildlife again when I notice he's sat on his sentry point - the hill just south east of Cervedes - polishing his collection of lion faces. Then, a sizeable Embers force emerges from the jungle. I look at Galak. He looks at me and sort of shrugs. This is the guy who tried beating air to death for messing up his hair and now he's not really interested in fighting today. I give him the order to move forward and, predictably, as soon as I do he gets really mad and can be seen here, running into the jungle behind the Orcs, to punch an ant in the thorax. along with the Orcs are a number of goblin, who aren't too dangerous individually but can take you down if allowed to swarm and... some more Orcs. Behind the orcs are a collection of Barbarian Lizardmen. The Barbarians and the Embers have a special affinity and the Barbars will often join in on Ember attacks for the chance of loot and glory. But mostly loot. Right now to defend against this force we have the untested warrior unit garrisoned behind the pallisades in Cervedes and Kimble the Quick. With "the quick" part of the Quick's name being purely a construct of the Amurite marketing department I've been using his experience gain to turn him into a one-man rock against which the enemy can dash their attacks. He gets the maxmimum possible bonus to counter attacks and gets defensive bonuses if he's in hills, woods or forests and has the movement bonus so that he can withdraw if flanked. With all of this lovely power in place, Kimble the Quick plants himself squarely in the Ember line of advance on Cervedes and then as the armies draw near he roars his battle cry and... watches the Embers split and go either side of him. Cue a "quick" withdrawal to another defensive line, but the Embers continue to put distance between the two halves of their army in an annoyingly clever move, as Kimble can't stand in the way of both. I consider sending Kimble back into Cervedes, but for all of his strength he's still only one guy and against four stacks of Embers' forces he's not the favourite. The split of the Ember army has given Kimble opportunity, but his build, favouring defensive power has neutered him against a foe that just won't engage him. In desperation, instead of ordering Kimble back I order my workers out to the south and the rookie warriors out of Cervedes to the east into the Orcs that Kimble is falling back in front of. To the south the Goblins and Lizardmen who had headed that way are enticed by the scent of easy blood at the sight of the workers and move away from Cervedes, following the road south. In the east, our n00b Warriors run headlong into the two stacks of Orcs and are routed, over the course of two turns. Fortunately those two turns are just enough for Kimble to receive his next promotion for the cloud pointing thing and I buy him some offensive firepower, (+40% v melee forces), and while the Orcs won the first round, they were weakened a little in the short fight with our warriors, so when Kimble the Quick wades in to the fight they're not at perfect strength to face him down and Kimble drives them from the field. Our brave adventurer is severely wounded however and as he looks south he sees the Lizards and Goblins skinning our workers, ready to turn north and head back to Cervedes. Kimble has the shorter route home, but in his current condition he isn't going to win against one unit, let alone two stacked, so I order him back into Cervedes and cross my fingers. Kimble gets to spend the briefest of time there, recovering, before the Embers are upon us, but it proves to be just enough, as he goes from a strength of .6/4 to 1.5/4 and then gets a little boost from scranwy guy who, it turns out, can do an additional 10% healing each turn to units in his area. 1.5 strength out of four doesn't sound like a lot, because it isn't, but when you add in the pallisade, the 5% fortification bonus Kimble managed to accrue in one turn, all of the defensive bonuses he earned through promotion, including counterattack chances when people actually attack him and his 40% offensive bonus against melee units he's just enough of a righteous right arm of death to stand down the stacked Ember and Barbarian army, sending the Goblins to the next life and forcing the Lizard Men to flee... right into the waiting arms (and pointed sticks) of Galak the Crazed who has returned just in time to skewer a pair of bleeding, limping lizard guys and then sing songs about his fantastic victory. I look at Kimble and he's rated .3/4. A couple more Goblins and he may have gone from the Quick, to the Dead. Next Episode : So that was just the advanced force, you say?
|
|
|
Post by Sonic on Jan 14, 2009 22:42:07 GMT
There's no option of a tag team here is there; Quick for Clint Eastwood? I've heard he can be handy in a fight. Or at least pretend to be, and stare them into diplomacy.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 9:04:45 GMT
What I like about you, s1ut, is that you can make a genre of games that I have no interest in playing almost interesting.
KUTGW!
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jan 15, 2009 9:25:18 GMT
Nice work S1ut! :thumb: Moo is right, you do have a way with words.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 9:44:31 GMT
He must do. His lass is lovely and he's an ugly fooker.
|
|
|
Post by Sonic on Jan 15, 2009 9:56:30 GMT
Are you prescient Moo, Stu's having a girl?
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 10:37:33 GMT
No, but I've seen a photo of his missus and she's way out of his league.
He must have a lot of money.
|
|
|
Post by Boony on Jan 15, 2009 10:39:22 GMT
Or a big cock.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 11:32:25 GMT
He just got a new job, remember....
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jan 15, 2009 13:59:04 GMT
Sorry to derail the thread by taking it back on topic, but here's a view of Kimble the Quick after the battle. The "1" next to the foot shows how "Quick" he is - he can move up to one square a turn.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 14:03:50 GMT
And "1" is the slowest?
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jan 15, 2009 14:08:51 GMT
Yes. He's marginally faster than a city.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 14:12:24 GMT
I can't wait for the next installment. When is it?
|
|
|
Post by Boony on Jan 15, 2009 14:12:37 GMT
Yes. He's marginally faster than a city. He's also infinitely faster than a city...
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jan 15, 2009 14:21:57 GMT
With the evil Embers clan army sent to meet their makers we felt safe to try to expand the limits of the Amurite empire and sent a collection of settlers to the south east to form the new city of Udenarat. I presume that one of the settlers was Carole Vordeman and they were the first eight letters she pulled from the bag. With no real army to speak of we start conscripting a new set of warriors in Cervedes, post Kimble the Quick south east of the city on the road toward Udenarat and then Galak the Crazed in a patch of woods slightly north east of Udenarat. This leaves the new city itself unguarded, but Kimble has to be kept in range of Cervedes for defence and Galak needs to be kept at arms length from anywhere civilised. I send scrawny guy down to Udenarat for some token resistance should anyone show up looking to start something. With the maximum fortification of 25%, Scrawny might be able to buy us a turn to move Kimble or Galak over. With this set and a new set of workers building more roads to try to increase the range of my slow units, things seem to calm down a little, until another small unit of Embers forces show up. They seem to be only scouting though as they take a look at Cervedes then back off and seem to be intent on returning home rather than causing any trouble. Of course, they made the mistake of moving upwind of Galak the Crazed... Interesting negotiation skills there, Galak. Needless to say the Embers and their Barbarian friends don't take too well to this and several turns later, we're looking at this : Thanks Galak.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jan 15, 2009 14:24:13 GMT
Yes. He's marginally faster than a city. He's also infinitely faster than a city... Unless the city is the fortress in Krull.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jan 15, 2009 14:27:50 GMT
I presume that loking at this image means something to someone who has played Civ before? Which I haven't so it means not a lot to me, however I presume it's bad.
Oh hang on it's hard to make out n this screen, but is that a cloud of smoke over the village?
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 14:29:53 GMT
Red means danger.
Or it did in the 70s.
|
|
|
Post by Boony on Jan 15, 2009 14:31:54 GMT
Is that it, then? Moo - lock it!
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jan 15, 2009 14:35:37 GMT
Yes, that's Udenarat on fire. But as it's not my capital, it's not game-ending to lose it.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Jan 15, 2009 14:39:58 GMT
Are you sure it wasn't Galak who lit the fire to keep warm?
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Jan 15, 2009 14:51:16 GMT
Fair point, Coffers. :thumb:
stoo - is this save retrievable, or is this the Civ idea of a Tailspin?
|
|