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Post by floplexter on Oct 21, 2019 15:55:56 GMT
Immediately the King of England demanded the castle back and then sent a massive army when I declined because the English are shitebags. Amen to that, brother. I was thinking of maybe notching up the fighties a little. Maybe accidentally burn a village, just for the craic. I think it's that slow pace that puts me off, coffs- I want my reduced game time to be short sharp and with a pointy bit in someone's eye. Love the realism of the M&B (or as real as PC gets) in the battles. Nothing like galloping towards the foe, full pelt and hurling a polearm into their blooded faces. Sweet.
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Post by coffers on Oct 21, 2019 17:52:21 GMT
Bugger Mrs H has switched her Line dancing to Wednesday afternoons. Reduced to Sunday evening sessions now. 😰
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Post by floplexter on Oct 22, 2019 7:36:57 GMT
Bugger Mrs H has switched her Line dancing to Wednesday afternoons. Reduced to Sunday evening sessions now. 😰 The perils of real life...
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Post by floplexter on Oct 22, 2019 7:39:33 GMT
Another post-1 a.m. shift on Warband. Finally agreed to swear fealty to the King of Swadia after he sought me ought to offer it. Got fiefdom of a tiny shack on the coast. Now need some money to do it up. But I am too nice and keep helping farmers by slaughtering bandits for no reward, so adventuring it is.
Took part in my first tournament, came third- no bronze medals. Also sucked up to a load of counts at a feast. I feel that the time is near when I am going to lose my shit, kill someone I shouldn't and be an outlaw forever. Mwa ha ha.
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Post by Moo on Oct 22, 2019 9:26:17 GMT
The perils of real life, Pops...
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Post by floplexter on Oct 22, 2019 15:19:26 GMT
The perils of real life, Pops... :humb:
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Post by floplexter on Oct 23, 2019 7:51:29 GMT
Your daily Warband despatches are here, never fear! Gazebo will not thwart the march of progress...
So Ramirez of ORR did not fare well in his vasselage. He was summoned by the Marshall of Swadia to a gathering to prepare for war. He felt quietly confident with his 50 hardened assorted warrior band. His first task? Go fetch some cows. After securing said cows, he was driving them back to the boss when there was the medieval equivalent of a tap on the shoulder and an "excuse me, meester" from a Boyar of the foe and his 155 troops. I don't do surrender.
Big slaughter followed and I escaped with a new hardened band of 3. Soon reduced to 1 by bandits as I am now easy picking and I wander the wildlands a lost soul. The king's response? "Cheer up, shit happens". Bostord.
I took the opportunity to load the vanilla (non-Steam) versions of the three games and then added the Floris mod (apparently "the bomb") and the 1200 mod. Floris mod froze on me on the first town.
1200 mod is... fecking huge. Few glitches here and there, but I succeeded in driving 82 cattle from Antwerp to Genoa- no mean feat. Was attacked several times, but by dint of having a horse, I managed to basically eke out victories by riding round and round and then picking off the bandits one by one as they tired. Which was mice, considering I am back to being a dolt at level 0.
Differences? The arena is MUCH harder - basically because where in the vanilla Warband everybody just has trousers on and nothing else, in this one there are helmets, mail, horses, lances... much much harder. And the land is HUGE. fewer big towns, many more castles and... daunting.
Interested now to test out the Viking and Napoleonic versions before I get too deep into one.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 23, 2019 21:04:26 GMT
The Napoleonic version is fun.
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Post by floplexter on Oct 24, 2019 7:50:07 GMT
What in the name of the wee man.....?
I went back to vanilla Swadia last night, see what I could salvage. Picked up a couple of missions, then entered my second ever tournament and WON. Sweet. Basically by running away a lot and then killing horses out from under their owners, but hey.
Not sure I like vasselage. I keep getting summoned to meetings on the other side of the country and not making it in time. I feel I want to be a bit bandit-y. Still, at least people in Swadia know my name now.
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Post by floplexter on Oct 25, 2019 12:14:18 GMT
October 1257
Dear Diary. Well, I am in a right fluffery-buffery. That's three times now my little fiefdom has been despoiled by bad men. I tried to help by bringing them some cattle, but then the cattle ran away. So I bought some more and got them to the village, but they didn't give me any money or wine nor nuffink.
I did Count Clais a favour by training seven knights for him. That was quite fun, but not so fun when they left to join him and I realised they were my bestest fighters. I won another tournament in Unchxaxhxjahccl- imagine my surprise when I realised one of the people I hacked to unconsciousness was.... a lady! I thought it was just a bloke with a bit of a girly scream. There are quite a lot of bandits about just now and I have managed to catch and kill quite a few, stealing their smelly clothes off them to sell to weird blokes in alleys. I feel like I should do something naughty, like go the Nords land and, I don't know, do a pooh in the king's hall or something, but judging by the humour levels among the upper classes, that will probably start a war. It's about time I bought some armour for Gruntsplatter, too- I'm getting a bit sad riding into battle and seeing arrows sticking out of his head. Those horse-merchants are thieving bastards, but. Charge me a fortune for a bit of metal, I am sure.
My archery is getting better. I shot a bloke in the bum in the arena and when he turned around to get me, I shot him in the corpuscle, which I think is the little bit of skin between your booby and your underoxter. Not sure- Jeremius is the doctor, not me.
Oh well, back to hunting the deserters the king asked me to find, though why I'm doing that greasy greedy mound of hedgehog faeces any favours is beyond me. Maybe I'll go and buy a farm in the desert and raise maraschino cherries. As soon as I start saving some money and stop spending it all on cheese to feed my greedy bastard gang.
Tits.
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Post by Moo on Oct 25, 2019 13:44:19 GMT
Much :humb:-ness, Pops.
I have NFI what you're playing, but then I used to laugh at s1ut's ramblings for years and he still speaks to me.
Also, "Tits" is a very good way to end a diary entry, I think.
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Post by floplexter on Oct 25, 2019 15:44:30 GMT
Much :humb:-ness, Pops.
I have NFI what you're playing, but then I used to laugh at s1ut's ramblings for years and he still speaks to me.
Also, "Tits" is a very good way to end a diary entry, I think.
'Tis the only way to end a diary entry, I find. And for ending blog entries, I tend to use "Don't you Crush My Lilies!".
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Post by floplexter on Oct 28, 2019 8:45:40 GMT
Persisting with Swadia, now that I have a new source of income- tournaments. Won three on the spin, netting nearly 12k. Pain in the arse when they issue you a lance, but I just ride round and round and occasionally take a lucky swipe and it seems to work. Building up my archery skills and can now head-pierce a bandit at 50 yards, which is fun.
Got two birds on the go, though not allowed into their rooms yet and I have my own brewery and olive oil factory. Would much prefer not to be beholden to the king of Swadia, but hey ho, biding my time before I stab him in the goolies.
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Post by Moo on Oct 28, 2019 14:59:04 GMT
Goolies. A much under-used word. KUTGW!
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Post by floplexter on Oct 29, 2019 9:42:15 GMT
I always used to wonder if nipples used to be called ging-gangs. It would give much clarity to that old camp fire Scout song. Indeed, it would become a marching song for the bully, pointing out exactly what the correct assault technique was- nipple cripple to the ging, nipple cripple to the gang and then a swift knee to the goolies.
God alone knows what they do with the "goo"
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Post by Moo on Oct 29, 2019 14:16:17 GMT
Isn't that what binds haggis together?
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Post by floplexter on Oct 29, 2019 15:34:10 GMT
No, silly, that's sputum.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 31, 2019 0:47:51 GMT
So close
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Post by floplexter on Oct 31, 2019 8:48:13 GMT
Where do you get this shit?
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Post by floplexter on Oct 31, 2019 10:37:47 GMT
Had a wee play on M&B: Viking, but didn't get the juices going. Struggling a bit with the 1200 mod too- so few towns to do things in, but hunners of castles. In my main game, I am now visiting three birds and have fought two duels, though the next one I can't fight because the dude is in prison. Got a few businesses going and won a few more tournaments, though I hate the lance. It's so stupid as a weapon; the randomness of weapon assignment in the tournaments is annoying. Not got into any proper war situations yet- need to try and nick a castle, but a bit nervous of a castle assault at the moment- I only have 80 troops and when I go above that, keeping morale good is a nightmare. So basically still doing lots of wandering, bashing bandits and helping villagers because I'm a good sort. Next step is to try and break free from Swadian vasselage. Ouch.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 31, 2019 12:37:16 GMT
The PANTFISH thing came courtesy of the bairns - the Girl Scouts sell magazine subscriptions to raise money and that was one of the pictures used to advertise the choices. I got overexcited when I saw it, before I noticed the lack of T.
As for the 1200 mod, I think I made my rise to fame in the area around Northern Italy, Austria and Germany because there's a fairly large concentration of towns and villages there. Once I had a fortune and my olive oil business was coining it, I went to war in Scotland.
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Post by floplexter on Oct 31, 2019 12:48:28 GMT
Yeh, I think I went North too early. I started in Belgium of all places, but been pissing around all over the shop. Went to Scotland on a whim and found nothing but smoking ruins and whole villages where the inhabitants all share the one tooth.
Bit like Glenrothes, to be honest.
Maybe back to the continent before Brex-arse.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 31, 2019 13:50:56 GMT
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Post by floplexter on Oct 31, 2019 16:09:02 GMT
What the actual....? See, this is why FIFA might look nicer, but PES Wii RULEZ. Mental bastards.
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Post by floplexter on Nov 1, 2019 9:58:26 GMT
I got given a town last night by the King. Which was mice. It's now being besieged by Scando twats.
Went to see Joker last night. Mesmerising piece of work. So dark, but totally compelling.
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