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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 10:08:15 GMT
Attributes sent,
The Who The Fook's DonKing Gym is hopefully now open for business.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 22, 2007 10:08:42 GMT
Yep - that's it coffs. Welcome aboard.
In June you'll be given 1-3 boxers and then you can sit in a chair, with your whiskey and bellow at them. Father Jack of the boxing world.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 10:10:21 GMT
DRINK!
Geruls!
DRINK!
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 22, 2007 10:19:45 GMT
Which was what people seemed to have shouted at Mike Tyson for most of his career.
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Post by Narcizo on Mar 22, 2007 11:03:44 GMT
A detailed request for more information about how much time we can expect this all to take sent to s1ugt. Masquerading as a list of 3 skillz.
Can't be arsed thinking of a name. So The Gym With No Name is ready to accept the cream of southern Shandiland punching talent and mould them into a furious force of fierceness.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 11:14:17 GMT
Which was what people seemed to have shouted at Mike Tyson for most of his career. That's why: a) he was a damned hard fighter, or b) a convicted rapist. :humb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 22, 2007 11:23:02 GMT
Or?
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 11:54:42 GMT
an alchoholic, or all three.
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Post by Moo on Mar 22, 2007 13:07:51 GMT
Thingies sent.
I am guardian of The Battered Ring Gymnasium, apparently.
Elastoplasts ahoy!
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Post by Boony on Mar 22, 2007 14:11:31 GMT
As the April showers swing by, there are signs of action at the Gorillas' Boxing Club. We have no boxers on our books as yet, so I have taken advantage of the quiet period to carry out some renevations at the gym.
Keith, my loyal assistant and admin monkey, picked up a "Teach Yourself Plumbing" book from the local library (avoiding the groups of kids swigging White Lightning, teenagers smoking pot, and the citizens of the street sparking their rocks of crack, all of whom sit outside the Centre for Book Redistribution at varying points during the day) and sorted out the leaky boiler (no, not the barmaid from next door). His reward, a banana massala, was gratefully received, although I'm not sure that throwing handfuls of rice and curried banana out of the window at the crew cut bouncers over the road is the best way to appreciate such a feast. Certainly not as far as my safety is concerned.
Meanwhile, I picked up a punchbag from the cash converters nearby, and set up a perfunctory ring described by an outlined square of old jumpers from Oxfam. These jumpers will double up as a barricade to the cold when boxing ends for the day, as although the boiiler has been fixed, there's no central heating upstairs, and it's fecking freezing. I'll need to save up some money before I can afford a proper ring with ropes and the rest, so if anyone requires the use of a plumbing monkey, please let me know. I can't promise he won't shower you in leftover curry or even piss in your soup, but he's handy with a wrench and can scamper into those hard-to-reach places where your stopcock is invariably found.
There has been news on the grapevine of a number of other new boxing gyms sprouting up in the region. I'm not sure what's prompted this sudden explosion of activity, but Keith has kept his ear to the ground. While he's been awake, though, he's provided me with a quick scouting card for each of the new gyms.
The Battered Ring Gymnasium Run by a grumpy old northener who's fallen on hard times recently, this gym seems to be the least of our worries. The manager is known as someone who doesn't take these kinds of projects too seriously, and has a poor track record when it comes to sports management. Keith expects this gym to close down within a few months due to lack of interest and poor management.
The Gym With No Name Run by a canny operator from afar, this gym has potential to become one of the biggest in the region. Known for his financial frugality and meticulous preparation in the background details of management, Keith reckons that any boxer joining this gym will certainly get the most made out of any talent he has. One to watch out for.
Who The Fook's DonKing Gym The manager of this gym may be fading gracefully from his youth, but experience counts for a lot. He is known for pushing the rules as far as they will go, looking for any loophole which can be exploited, before gunning for it with all guns blazing. Quiet and unassuming, his appearance belies a fiercely competitive spirit, while Keith points out that his intolerance for anything less than 100% commitment to the cause may cause ructions in the club, but will produce fighters willing to give their lives to further the cause of the club.
The Bismarck Gym There have been whispers that this gym has very close links to the boxing federation, and any suspicious activities will have to be closely monitored. An indepth knowledge of the competitions rules and mechanics will give the manager of The Bismarck Gym a great advantage in the early days of the competition, and indeed they are the only one of the new gyms who already have fighters training and sparring in competitive bouts. However, there are rumours that the head guy here isn't as committed to his gym as he could be, and may retire soon to take a on a role in the administration of the boxing federation.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 15:06:12 GMT
Nice roundup Boo. :thumb:
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 15:37:27 GMT
NewFlash[/size]
Top Boxing Manager On The Rampage
On been spotted and questioned, on allegations of spying, in "The Double Barrel", by two local investigative journalists, the owner of, the newly opened, Who The Fook's DonKing Gym, responded with what can only be called an outrageous outburst.
The only coherent word's heard in the snarling robust response were:
"DRINK! Geruls! WHISKY! Geruls!"
The evening all but ended in uproar, with tables and drinks being upset, as Arthritic Gadgie tried to make a dash to make it to the exit, before he slumped into a drunken mess on the floor.
The signs aren't good for the aging ex fairground fighter, but the incident certainly seems to have aroused local interest in his Gym. Insiders are claiming that sales of Glen Moray at the club bar have soared in recent weeks, which reporters are speculating could be down to an increase in membership.
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Post by Boony on Mar 22, 2007 15:49:44 GMT
Breaking News
The writer of the previous newsflash has been fired, for overuse of commas in a horrendously complicated opening sentence. Local bouncers were found banging their heads against brick walls while trying to get to grips with the syntax of the report. Fortunately the brick wall belonged to the local secondary school listed for demolition next week, and so the destructive qualities of the braincell-spared foreheads are lauded rather than admonished.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
There are no plans to replace the local secondary school, but the recent influx of boxing gyms into the area has given many deadbeat teenagers hope of carving out a career in the sport of kings. Local drug dealers rue the recent events, as kids off the streets means a reduction in their income. The Centre for Book Redistribution have been quoted as being pleased that their carpark is now free from a rouge element from between the hours of 2pm-6pm. They still have the White Lightning and Crack crowds to deal with, though.
Drunken old has-been boxing near-legend Gadgie was found this morning with a banana skin stapled to his lapel, in a clear message from local rivals.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 16:12:54 GMT
Gadgie Comes Out Fighting
After punching one persistant reporter, Gadgie claimed that he was gunning for a Spider Monkey, who he quite clearly blames for the banana incident. He claimed that it was quite clearly left on his doorstep by the well known litter lout and Cheese Banana Eating Surrender Monkey to boot.
Other sources intimated that the incident could have been perpartrated by a Northern Monkey instead. Gadgie's shaky response was reported to have contained the words Fook and Off.
There was no actual concrete evidence of the involvement of any staples.
Gadgie left the gathered press corps muttering about revenge involving something about inserting empty whisky bottles into horses, well it sounded like horses.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 16:21:09 GMT
make the most of this as I'll be largely offline for a week after tomorrow night.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 16:31:31 GMT
Stu when are you likely to need my next instructions, which I presume will be training ourselves for a couple of months before the face slappers arrive?
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Post by Boony on Mar 22, 2007 16:35:27 GMT
Try as I might to keep a low profile in a new town, it seems that my trusty (ha!) companion has been littering and loitering in a manner most unbecoming. It's funny how a quick scouting trip can turn into a drunken brawl with paparazzi flashing to capture the scenes in high definition photos, soon to be photoshopped and sold to the local red-top rag.
I'd like to keep him on a leash, but then I'd have the animal rights crowd on my back, and that's a burden I really don't want to bear so soon in my boxing career. It's not like I'll be letting him into the ring.
Not unless there's good money in it, anyway.
So, anyway, I have passed on my heartfelt apologies to Mr Gadigie for any ill-will he may have felt, and I wish him well in his burgeoning career as a boxing manager. It seems, though, that the competitive experience and commitment may have been replaced by a slight alcohol problem and a short fuse prone to exploding in a fury of swearing and punches.
If only he'd been that effective during his own fighting career, eh?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 22, 2007 16:36:38 GMT
The face slappers will be through your door in "May" which should be tomorrow afternoon. At which point you can decide if you want to keep all of them, (or none of them ), and you can send me instructions from then, for June. I'll try to get the boxers "introduced" tonight, forllowing the other six title bouts, so you can have some time to look at them.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 17:12:11 GMT
Later in the day Gadgie appeared to be a conciliatory mood as he admitted to a drink problem, but he informed a national newspaper that everything was in hand now and an new supplier had been located. Contracts were being drawn as he spoke.
As to the short fuse problem; a local quarry had been contacted and were in the process of replacing the fuses. In future his staff would be in no danger of self injury, following the lighting of said fuses. Police are said to be interested in Gadgies recent comments, especially after the recent destruction of local secondary schools. Gadgie just pointed to other reports coming from of his rival's Gym and pointed his finger elsewhere.
He went on to wish his rivals every success in their new chosen career, but suggested that comments about unsuccessful careers, in the fight game, were rich coming from the new breed of Accountants who were attempting to break into this great sport.
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Post by Moo on Mar 22, 2007 17:31:54 GMT
The Centre for Book Redistribution have been quoted as being pleased that their carpark is now free from a rouge element from between the hours of 2pm-6pm. Breaking newsOn hearing that a rouge element has been eradicated from the car park, gym owner Moo Ski has declared that he may not carry on with recruiting fighters, as he likes his men with blusher. "If they aren't making the effort, then neither am I!" the big girlie poofter was misquoted as saying.
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Post by coffers on Mar 22, 2007 17:34:25 GMT
Nice one Moo. IGFLITO!
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 22, 2007 20:22:28 GMT
Bout 4. NATIONAL LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP (Eight rounds) Jeff Slaton -v- William Svoboda
This is a proper championship bout here as two people with energy, solid punching and good chins pound away at each other.
Slaton is the busier in round one, but Svoboda is landing bombs in round two and three, before Slaton battles back through the fourth. Svoboda is out worked in the fifth, but lands a huge right at the bell, which staggers Slaton.
Svoboda starts the sixth on top, but Slaton slowly recovers and picks up the pace and controls the seventh, before the eighth has both fighters trying to knock each other out to guarantee the win.
Over to the judges, who score it 77-75, 77-76 and 77-76 in favour of our winner...
Winner : Jeff Slaton - Points
Bout 5. NATIONAL MIDDLEWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP (Eight rounds) Jesse Haskin -v- Kurt Jebel
After the bombs away of the Lightweight title bout, it's more of the same here - the National level is obviously the place to be.
By the end of the fight, the ring looks a fair facsimilie of the set at the end of Kill Bill 1, due to the amount of claret sloshing about. Both fights are considered less than fair and we can see that here, as there are elbows flying, a couple of headbutts and the first "Malicious" foul I've ever seen.
By the start of round seven, Jebel is cut on the nose and under each eye, while Haskin looks even worse, with cuts above and below his right eye and his left eye closing.
As a result, it's no real surprise when Jebel lands a straight right, followed by a combination and Haskin's face sort of falls off, with another two cuts.
The ref can't take any more blood, so the fight's over.
Winner : Kurt Jebel - Referee stopped fight (cuts) at 2:26 of round 7.
Bout 6. NATIONAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP (Six rounds) Terry Clarkson -v- Antonio Zaragoza
Anyone who paid to come to this card has got value for their money as the Heavyweights set out at a good pace, showing good skills. It doesn't have the all-out brawl nature to it that the previous two fights showed, but there's very little down time as the two fighters alternate winning rounds from the first to the sixth, to enter the seventh about even.
Afterwards, we'd find out that two judges had the fight even, with the third showing Zaragoza behind by just one point at this stage.
The firs tminute of the seventh sees even exchanges again, but the Zaragoza picks up the pace, landed a jab, a hook and an uppercut in a nice spell, before exchanging blows to the finish.
The eight is even yet again, so it's over to the Judges and I really can't call this one.
Judge Samuel Conde called the fight, 77-75. Judge John Stewart called the fight, 77-75, and Judge Adrian Morgan: an even 77-77.
So our winner, by majority decision is...
Winner : Antonio Zaragoza - Majority decision.
Our three National belt holders decided.
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Post by Boony on Mar 22, 2007 21:13:37 GMT
Breaking News
Accusations that young de Bohun is an accountant with no boxing or sporting background are refuted by the Gorrilas' Club manager, who proudly told us of his past in cricket, both playing and management. A county representative in his childhood, he went on to manage Essex County Cricket Club to great things in the recent past. taking them from the depths of second division wilderness and turning them into a challenging force in the county game in the course of a few seasons.
It also turns out that de Bohun's grandfather used to box for the Royal Air Force in the 1940s (true story, actually), so the boxing blood flows somewhere in those congested veins.
Although he doesn't view boxing as a primary sporting interest, de Bohun is willing to give this a go for the good of his education in sport. He speaks of the hope of training big fook off fighters the finer points in life - to beat the shite out of someone while learning to appreciate good artistry in various forms - music, film, novels and, um, pictures. To this end, he has installed a new CD player in his ramshackle gym (another Cash Converter bargain), and has hidden Survivor's Eye Of The Tiger to prevent endless Rocky impersonations.
When pushed on possible future ventures, de Bohun mentioned a possible career in football management when he decides it's finally time to move on from the canvas. Having recently read Andy Gray's epic Flat Back Four, he feels he has the tactical ideas and, aligned with his obvious skills of man management, hopes to make a successful career of it one day.
For the moment, though, he's determined to make a name for himself in the boxing fraternity, and is looking forward to the very great possibility of getting some boxers through the door in the next month.
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Post by Boony on Mar 22, 2007 21:42:53 GMT
So, s1ut, a question about the mechanics of this here fighting game. We get to train our fighters each month, unless we're training ourselves or building up for a fight. That's the idea I get, anyway.
What does this training entail? I mean, will it look to add on points to a range of attributes, such as technique, tactics, fitness, strength, defence, etc? And, if so, will we get to choose which attributes we train? And will this depend on our development stat? For example, if I was a good development coach, would I be able to say "train defence this month" and he'll improve on his defence? And, if I was not a good development coach, would I be able to say "just train, dude" and he'd pop an attribute randomly?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 22, 2007 21:56:56 GMT
Training is the primary skill for "Do this" and getting a reward out of it. Development is "That thing you're doing... do it like this."
Development will "pop" (thank you Hattrick) boxers too, but at less of a rate than Training. However, if a Developer should focus on say, power before a fight, they might find their boxer slowing a bit, but getting more powerful, before returning to their "natural" numbers after the fight.
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