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Post by Moo on Mar 17, 2010 9:44:45 GMT
Fantastic update, as usual, Coffers, thoroughly entertaining read. KUTGW! :thumb:
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Post by coffers on Mar 17, 2010 11:36:41 GMT
This will probably be the last update before I return from holiday, I just cannot see any time available between now and then to play the game, let alone write updates.
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Post by Sonic on Mar 18, 2010 12:43:53 GMT
Real holiday are better than game holidays anyway :checkit:
As per Moo, Coffers. A bit up-and-down form wise, but top updates there :thumb:
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Post by coffers on Mar 31, 2010 13:56:06 GMT
I guess this might get started up again tonight, witha bit of luck, unless I get into this online poker lark.
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Post by coffers on Apr 4, 2010 19:26:32 GMT
January 2011, I said there would be changes, it turned out that the changes were players going out. I couldn't get any new faces into the club that would have been better than we already had. Palm Sunday went to Nuovo Campobasso for £2k. Serene Simon went to Rovigo fro £1k, Twin Carb was sold to Viterbese for £475 Female DVD Workout wen to Venezia for £3k Watchman went to Venezia for £1k Twin Castles went to Viterbese for £1k Harmonica Style left for Cuneo for £500 Obahma was sold to Venizia for £16k, they also snapped up Zany Flip for £500 and Disney World for £22k. The £47.5k that those sales brought in didn't make a dent in the debt really and I wasn't given any money to spend on transfers. The opening game in January was a friendly at home to Nocerina, it was a nip an tuck game that we won 3-2. Honda Advert opened on 17, they equalised on 23. Machete Movie put us in fron again on 34 and we held the lead until 72 when they yet again equalised. Water Sauce scored teh winner with 6 minutes to go. Won 3-2The league started up again after the break with a home game against Sorrento, it followed the same pattern as the previous game. Finca Special opened for us on 32, but Sorrento equalised on 41. We took the lead 3 minutes into first half Injury time when Carbone turned the ball into his own net. Sorrento levelled again on 57. On 70 Calamari Cocktail cracked an 18 yarder in for the winner. Our league position didn't improve. Won 3-2Next an away trip to promotion hopefuls Grosseto, we started brightly when Water Sauce finished off Kimono Dragon's through ball from close range. Grosseto equalise don 63 then had one sent off on 75, but the score remained level. Drew 1-1The last game in January was away to Verese and it eneded in yet another draw. Water Sauce blasted an opener on 3 minutes and Shaken Not Stirred headed in a second from a corner on 17. Then we got all complacent and didn't improve. That was our undoing as Verese raised their game and banged in 2 second half goals on 48 and 76 to secure the draw. Drew 2-2. Our league position is hovering between 7th and 8th, we are just about staying in touching distance of the play-off spots, but the fizz has gone out of our game. The shortest month of the year was stacked with games for some reason, 5 in all: Pro Patria were our fist opponents of teh month and we had home advantage. Water Sauce opened on 13, but Pro Patria equalised within 5 minutes. Calamari Cocktail restored our lead on 34 and Chili Burger wrapped up the scoring on 48. Won 3-1 Relegation threatened Figline were our next visitors and once again complacency crept into our game. Calamari Cocktail thumped in an 8 yard shot to open on 4 minutes. That was it we couldn't improve on the score and paid teh price 7 minutes from teh end when Figline hit a hopeful long ball, Stop In The Name Of Love failed to control it and their lone striker pounced and hit a 25 yard shot into the now empty net. Drew 1-1We travelled to another club in teh relegation battle, Melf and another draw ensued. Chili Burger scored on 57 and Melfi equalised on 85. A pattern was emerging, we struggled to hold a lead. Drew 1-1Promotion hopefuls Spal were our visitors in the next game and a totally boring game ended in a draw. Drew 0-0The final game in February was a trip to another team battling against relegation and again another draw was endured. Chili Burger opened on 12. Bassano replied on 38 and then with a penalty on 61. Just as it looked like we were going to be beaten Fire Lighter hit a ball between Bassano's last two defenders and Chili Burger latched on to score an impressive equaliser. Drew 2-2Somehow I don't know how we were still in 7th place, hanging in there but it feels like we are losing touch with those viatl play-off places, even though the gap remains constant. Maybe it's becasue I'm feeling time is runnning out. March arrives and we only have 3 games to play in this month. The first game is at home and Lecco are the visitors, goals by Chili Burger on 13 and Theme Park on 78 secure the points as we win for the first time in 5 games. Won 2-0Taranto away is next andt they are one place behind us with 1 point less, so we can ill afford to lose this one. Cast And Go gives us a great start with a 20 yarder on 2 minutes but Corona equalises for Taranto two minutes later. four minutes into the second half and Taranto have the lead, but on 55 Calamari Cocktail plays in Water Sauce for the equaliser. Drew 2-2The last game in March is at home to relegation threatened Valle Del Giovenco and things looked to be going our way when we led teh first half 3-0 up. Goals from Cast And Go (9), Water Sauce (24) and Chili Burger (30) loked to have sealed it. Once again complacency set in and a minute into teh second half Valle pulled on back, they hit a second on 64 and panic stations set in. Changes were made and tactics were tightened up, we held on to the one goal lead to teh end of the game. Won 3-2Despite the win we are still 7th, but the gap is slowly closing again. April opens with an away trip to mid table Rimini and they are red hot favourites to win the game. Thankfully we take no notice of such odds and Theme Park openes from 8 yards on 20 minutes. Calamari Cocktail adds a second from the spot on 43 after Finca Special is felled in the area. Rimini pull one back on 48 but we do enough to hold out for a win. Won 2-1That win puts us within a point of teh play-off places. There are a whole clutch of clubs between 2nd and 8th with about 2 points between them at this point. Another relegation threatened club are our visitors for the next game, Fogliano and tehy open teh scoring with a penalty on 12, playing football that belies their position. Water Sauce equalises on 24, and the game enters the second half with the scores level. Fogliano again take the lead plundering a goal on 54. Nine minutes later, Water Sauce pops up and equalises. On 81 Chili Burger latches onto a long ball and thumps the winner from 16 yards. Won 3-2THis win lifts us into the play-off spots for the first time since before Christmas and with 3 games to go we may be masters of our own destiny to some extent. We have to play the leaders Potenza who are 3 points ahead of us and Crotone who are 5th on the same points as us. We also have a game against mid table Ternana. Nine points from those could see us gain automatic promotion, depending on other results. The League Table with 3 games to go: I did take the oppertunity to get a Bosman lined up for Juy 1st, a 34yo Mozambique International FC who looks pretty decent for his age, he's currently playing for Sion. I signed him on a one year contract but have yet to choose a nickname.
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Post by Sonic on Apr 5, 2010 6:20:26 GMT
That was a draw-funtastic update there Coffers. Good to see it didn't knock you out of contention for a playoff spot.
Is that bozzer good enough if you go up to play at that level too?
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Post by coffers on Apr 5, 2010 19:21:21 GMT
He might be, he has at least double figures in all but two attributes, he's at a better level than most of our strikers too.
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Post by coffers on Apr 5, 2010 19:57:02 GMT
At this point we have a number of first teamers out injured including all our Right Backs, there isn't even one left down in the U20's, English Mustard is suspended for two matches and Chili Burger is injured along with Finca Special and Lost Saint. The AI is doing it's damnedest to upset my plans. I've started searching for a freebie full back that will sign for the rest of the season, unfortunately he doesn't sign in time to play against Crotone at their place so a left back has to play at right back instead. I also have offered terms to a freebie goalie who looks better than any others that we have. So Crotone away and the mind games start; their manager claims I'm not good enough to steer Alghero to promotion, I call him a Canute and say we fear no one, the follow up 5 minutes before the game claiming they won't get promoted either. The game gets underway and we play an unusual Christmas Tree formation in the hope of throwing their plans to the west winds. It sort of works as Calamari Cocktail gives us the lead with a 10th minute penalty. Crotone are at 6's and 7's as Theme Park makes it 2-0 on 17 with a 35 yard rising rocket. That's when the wheel fell off. Crotone pulled one back on 24 as our defence started to flounder but we held on to go in leading at the break. Two minutes into the second period and it's 2-2 then with 58 minutes played they take the lead and it looks as if our season could be crashing. However nothing ventured nothing gained, we threw everything into attack and Calamari Cocktail hit a 20 yard equaliser on 65 and there were no more goals after that. Drew 3-3The result was not great for either team as we dropped to 6th and they dropped to 7th. however I had the last laugh after their hexing, we could claim a moral victory, but we really needed all 3 points and I'm disappointed to have thrown away a 2 goal lead. Immediately after the game we sign a 38yo DRC called Artificial Sweetener who the ass-man claims is shoite, but at 2.5 stars he'll do as a fill in to the end of the season and I think he'll do a better job at RB than any of our left backs. I also sign 25yo goalie called Hard Pad whose only recorded weakness is his throwing accuracy. I'll just stick him down to boot it upfield. Both are immediately drafted in for the home game against Potenza who are currently in the playoff spots. The game itself is a strange fairly even affair with neither side really threatening. We score with our only on target shot on 45 minutes, Water Sauce making space for himself on the edge of the area following a Theme Park pass, thumps an unstoppable 20 yarder. Potenza only had 2 on target shots but Hard pad showed himself to be a decent signing by stopping them easily. Won 1-0That result puts us into 3rd place one point behind the leading 2 and on the same points as two other teams below us. So we are all set for an exciting final game, but we have to win and then rely on other results if we are to gain automatic promotion. The final game is at home to Ternana who are in 8th place. The League Table with One Game to Play
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Post by Sonic on Apr 6, 2010 6:30:54 GMT
Oie, yah bostard, stop with this here suspense malarky or we'll make you watch Middlesbrough!
:thumb:
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Post by coffers on Apr 6, 2010 8:12:21 GMT
I can't continue yet as I haven't played the final game so my reports are now fully up to date.
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Post by Moo on Apr 6, 2010 8:38:35 GMT
So you could actually get auto-promoted or miss out on the playoffs altogether? Awesome! KUTGW! :thumb: (A thoroughly good read, BTW, sir!)
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Post by coffers on Apr 6, 2010 9:53:55 GMT
So you could actually get auto-promoted or miss out on the playoffs altogether? Awesome! Oh yes, I am definitely aware of that frightening possibility.
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Post by coffers on Apr 9, 2010 11:33:09 GMT
The final league game of the season arrived and we looked edgy, a win was needed to secure at least a play-off place anything else meant we were relying on other results going our way. The press had predicted a Ternana win which at least took some pressure off us. Despite the edgy start we took the lead on 20, Chili Burger split the Ternana defence with a short through ball and Kimono Dragon hit the opener from 18 yards out. It was gave us a lead that we held up to the 58th minute when Camillini hit an 18 yard shot that was unstoppable. We just weren't competing in the second period and on 76 the unthinkable happened, Ternana took the lead Ricca stole in to sneak the goal whilst centre back Stolen Book was off the pitch recieving treatment for an injury. This wasn't what we planned for. The defence wasn't coping so off came Stolen Book and Pasta Packet, on went English Mustard and Machete Movie. On 80, Chili Burger's ball into the box was helped on by Cast And Go, Finca Special stole in at the back post to slot in the equaliser. That should ensure a play-off spot but it still wasn't guarenteed, we needed another so threw everything into attack. With nothing happeneing I replaced Kimono Dragon with Water Sauce as 90 miinutes showed on the clock. We had 5 minutes of injury time to get a winner. With 3 minutes injury time played we got a free kick half way inside their half, Theme Park hit a first time pass into the area, Finca Special got free and smashed what proved to be the winner. We had at least secured a play-off spot but I needed to check the tble to see if we had gone one better. Won 3-2Final League Table for 2011As you can probably tell from the table we got through our playoff semi-final against Pro Patria, but I'll report that in another post.
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Post by coffers on Apr 9, 2010 13:42:31 GMT
OK the first leg of the Pay-off Semi Final at Pro Patria saw us get get battered yet somehow we fortunately came away with a draw. Drew 0-0
The home leg of the Play-off Semi Final was a completeky different game altogether; with both sides going for it and teh press pointing out that Pro Patria had yet to beat us in any competition. Chili Burger opened teh scoring on 22 minutes latching onto a Calamari Cocktail through ball and slipping the ball in from 8 yards. Pro Patria equalised on 40 from a 22 yard free-kick. Into the second half and Stolen Book heads in a Calamari Cocktail Free-kick on 56. On 74 Pro Patria break and hit a thumping equaliser from 20 yards out. Two minutes later and Calamari Cocktail's through ball is calmly slotted home by Chili Burger to give us the lead again. On 86 Licata puts teh ball through his own new from a Theme Park corner but the action isn't over. A minute later and Pro Patria give themselves a chance as they break on their right and Sarno heads in a cross from 6 yards out. Thankfully we hold out to the end. Won 4-3. Won 4-3 on Aggregate
We will meet Crotone in the Pay-off Final.
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Post by Moo on Apr 9, 2010 14:35:51 GMT
So, if the first leg of the tie ends 0-0, you automatically get a goal each headstart?
And I thought Brazil was confusing.
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Post by coffers on Apr 9, 2010 14:42:19 GMT
Oops sorry, I've amended the Aggregate score from 5-4 to 4-3 now.
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Post by Sonic on Apr 10, 2010 16:01:42 GMT
I'm glad you mentioned the altered score there Coffers, otherwise Moo would have had me definitely scratching my head why the extra 1-1 to each team. Fingers are crossed for the Pay-Off Final
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Post by Moo on Apr 12, 2010 11:09:53 GMT
Sonic - in the final, the chairmen of both sides have a pissing competition and the one that pisses the furthest gets a goal headstart. Then, the chairmen's wives do a handstand against a wall and try to piss the highest, the winner also gets a goal for their club.
I understand that the Americans want this as an Olympic sport by the year 2026.
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Post by coffers on Apr 12, 2010 11:25:18 GMT
I understand that the Americans want this as an Olympic sport by the year 2026. unfortunately for the Americans, as an anti global warming measure by 2026, pissing will be banned in an attempt to reduce the pressure of rising sea levels or something.
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Post by coffers on Apr 12, 2010 23:54:22 GMT
The Play-off final arrived but in between times we had landed a potentially useful lookng Czech FC called Pecking Order and another potentially useful DRC called Land Agent as we were down to our last DRC again, both players were put into the squad for the Play-off final 1st leg which was at Crotone.
The day arrived and I sent the lads out with a quick chat and a morale boosting "You can win this" ringing in their ears and we promptly went a goal down after only 13 minutes. Things looked up on 27 when Calamari Cocktail hit an equaliser from 25 yards, but that was as good as it got. Croton dominated and we didn't really get a sniff of teh ball after that, though we did hang un until the 67th minute to lose the next goal, Theme Park hacked down a striker in teh penalty area when he was going nowhere. Crotone hit what proved to be the winner from the spot. Theme Park, Kimono Drago, Chili Beurger and Water Sauce all had sub 6.0 ratings which didn't please me in the least. Lost 2-1
We had it all to do in the 2nd leg, especially as Calamari Cocktail was going to be out due to injury and the pratt Theme Park decided he was too big for our club and demanded a transfer to a bigger team, I told him to fook off twice and now he's in a big sulk. I slapped a £1M price tag on him even though he is only worth £30k. As if we didn't have enough to worry about.
Onto teh 2nd leg, we had struggled with our normal game so I decided to instruct the team slightly differently for the second leg, out wentthe cautious approach for a more gung ho direct style, with some aggression thrown in. Theme Park was dropped to the bench, though he was offered an improved contract to see if he would bite. The approach shocked our opponents and on 5 minutes Kimono Dragon headed on a long ball by Stolen Book and there was Chili Burger to slam the ball into the net. Ten minutes later and Tetchy Fly's through ball was collected by Chili Burger on the angle of teh 6 yard box and drilled low inside the near post. This time it was our turn to run the opposition ragged, even thought they tried to come back at us we were dangerous on the break so they didn't commit themselves to the full job of looking to get back in the game. As teh game wore on Crotone started to take their frustrations out on our players and paid the consequence on 76 as they were reduced to 10 men. It was an extremely joyous moment when the final whistle sounded and we had not only won the game but had powered ourselves into Serie B for th first time in the club's history. Won 2-0, Won 3-2 on Aggregate.
We received £65k for winning the Play-off final and a few TV sponserships were improved slightly.
Calamari Cocktail won the Division Player of the Year and was also voted the Fans Player Of The Year. Chili Burger was our leading scorer fro teh 2nd year running, notching 20 goals for the season. I was Runner Up ifor the Divisional manager of teh Year award behind teh PSAL manager.
As teh fixtures for the coming season are announced we receive £1M in Serie B TV rights and I'm informed that I have a transfer budget of £7k for the coming season and a wage budget of £43.5k per week to battle bravely against relegation. The wage budget is about £14k more than we are spending now, so I think we have a battle on our hands.
More freebies are needed.
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Post by Moo on Apr 13, 2010 8:12:27 GMT
More money is needed. Also, ask for a parent club, Coffers, you have to get free loan deals in from the likes of Milan or Inter. KUTGW!
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Post by coffers on Apr 13, 2010 8:37:39 GMT
You are not kidding about the money, but the attendences are a big limiting factor, our highest home attendance last season was just over 2800. The board have actually arranged to accommodate 1111 more people in the stadium so the first 6 months of the new season will see the west stand out of action, not that it will matter as we still won't fill the ground's remaining capacity. Our first league game of the season is against newly relegated Lazio. Then I think we play newly promoted SPAL. There are alot of decent freebies currently available but it's getting them to agree terms that is the problem. This is teh part of teh season I really enjoy. Kimono Dragon has praised my wheeling and dealing to get that 32 year old striker on a free and Shaken Not Stirred has pointed to me as the biggest reason for getting us promoted to Serie B. Which is nice. Modena offered us £325k for 50% of Finca Special, but I turned them down, if he's worth that much I want the full fee. :checkit:
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Post by Moo on Apr 13, 2010 8:59:17 GMT
Knowing the little I do about the co-ownership thing, I would never use it. Like you, I'd rather have the full amount. Shame you won't get the receipts from the Lazio game though...
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Post by Sonic on Apr 13, 2010 12:55:14 GMT
If you do go with the co-ownership thing, make sure the player stays at your club. That way, you've got more chance of the other club not being interested by the time it comes to pot luck. Though if the player is a star, I never agree. As you said, they'll pay all or they can fook right off.
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Post by Sonic on Apr 13, 2010 12:56:06 GMT
Oh, and Congrat's on the promotional win. It must have been Moo's convincing of the Chairmen and their wives that pushed you over the edge there Coffers :checkit:
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