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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 23, 2006 13:42:19 GMT
I wasn't going to do this, but seeing as it's going to take roughly half an hour before I get sacked, I thought I'd put together some old tat for you to have a chuckle at.
I've taken over Montrose in the Scottish third division. They're predicted to finish ninth this year, but to be honest, having seen the squad we'll do well to finish in the top ten. Out of ten. Ineed, even our assistant manager believes that unless the squad is seriously strengthened, we'll do well to avoid the ignomy of finishing last.
I consider firing him for using the word "ignomy" but I'll let him off, just once.
On the staff, we have one decent coach, but we immediately lose him to Partick Thistle and one decent physio, but we immediately lose her to Boony Queen of the South.
Our pre-season doesn't go wonderfully, as we open with a 1-0 defeat to a decent Ross County side, but then comes a slew of non league teams and I'm sure we'll show them who's boss.
Montrose 1-5 Edinburgh City Montrose 3-3 Lossiemouth Montrose 1-3 Vale of Leithen Montrose 2-3 Wigtown & Bladnoch
So yes, the non league sides are in no doubt at all now, about who's boss.
We finish off with 3-0 and 2-0 defeats to St Mirren and Ayr.
Going into the season we face Dumbarton, who are predicted to finish top and then Livingstone and Ross County in the cup, both of whom are much better sides than we, and feature three straight away games. So an opening fixture list designed specifically to kill any confidence our players may have gained in their single pre-season non-loss.
:humb:
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Post by Moo on Oct 23, 2006 14:08:43 GMT
But of course, the game is cheating, it wouldn't be your ineptitude. KUTGW! ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png)
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 23, 2006 14:15:46 GMT
August 2006Ok, our first team consists of anyone who manages to kick the ball in training that week, without falling over. Plus a couple of new additions in Matt Brazier and Lee Wilson who I picked up for nowt after their applications for the job on the sock counter at BHS was unsuccessful. Our AssMan says Wilson is a waste of carbon, but he has a 1 for judging player ability and a.... 1 for judging player potential. Whenever I want a laugh I ask AssMan to pick the team. So, potential for the season ahead can be best summed up thusly : ![](http://files.myopera.com/Mathilda/albums/78917/thumbs/soccer_face.jpg_thumb.jpg) Off we go... For our opener against championship favourites Dumbarton I make an impassioned plea to the team to " Do it for the fans!" and then send them out while I sit in the changing rooms and weep, softly. I make it out of the changing rooms just in time to see Lee Wilson open his Montrose account with a nicely taken header. After the half hour he makes it 2-0 and the shakes we get when Dumbo pull it back to 2-1 are eased somewhat when Wilson crosses in for Slade (not the group) to put us back two goals ahead. With ten minutes to play, Wilson secures his hattrick and we've beaten the favourites 4-1. A result that is obviously just there to taunt us. Wilson has three goals and an assist, which isn't bad for a waste of carbon, eh, AssMan? The next two games almost consign FM to a shorter installed life than even 01/02 managed, as we're fighting hard to hold Livingston to 1-1 in the cup, when our keeper allows a back pass to bounce through his hands, gifting the other lot a 2-1 win. The following week, we're holding on for 0-0 against Stenhousemuir, when forward Steve Slade turns, on 85 minutes and plays a 60 yard pass that splits our defence perfectly, landing at the feet of a Stenny forward and that'll be a 1-0 defeat. We lose 4-1 to Ross County in the cup and 2-1 and 3-1 on the road in Albion and Arbroath. In the international break I take a friendly against the Scottish Civil Service, in the hopes of actually remembering how to win a game. ![](http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/2408/standaug08bt3.png) So, after one highly successful month, lets check out the Chairman Meter, to see how everything's going in the boardroom : ![](http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/8118/chairmanlmaohk0.png) He's fucking loving it! He doesn't care about the results, he's just happy that we made £41k this month. We'll see what he says after another couple of months of this.
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Post by Boony on Oct 23, 2006 14:24:56 GMT
Nice start, s1ut. Welcome to the tear-out-your-own-hair experience that is lower league management in FM2007. You're doing better than me and Moo by not being in the relegation zone...
KUTGW :thumb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 23, 2006 14:39:32 GMT
There isn't relegation in the Scottish Third. If you finish bottom everyone gets to hit you with a shoe, but then you try all over again next year.
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Post by Moo on Oct 23, 2006 14:53:20 GMT
Fancy not knowing there isn't relegation from the Scottish Third Division. You ass.
I like the start there, s1ut, it reminds me of Chita.
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Post by Boony on Oct 23, 2006 14:54:14 GMT
Aye, I'd spotted that...
Stenhousemuir seem to be the favourites this year. Can anyone stop them? I think you should become their manager instead.
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Post by Moo on Oct 23, 2006 15:03:27 GMT
Like that'll help them.
I think that he should manage the other 9 teams as well. Then he might have half a chance to get promoted.
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Post by Boony on Oct 23, 2006 15:05:07 GMT
Only half a chance, mind. I don't get it - it looks like one goes up automatically, and then there are three playoff spots. Three? How does that work, then?
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Post by Moo on Oct 23, 2006 15:09:40 GMT
They play the 2nd bottom team from Div 2, I guess.
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Post by Boony on Oct 23, 2006 15:15:42 GMT
Oh aye, that's how they get four teams to form the playoffs. Interesting, I've never seen that before.
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Post by Sonic on Oct 24, 2006 2:37:18 GMT
I saw a win there. I think your false advertising and am going to report you to the relevant authorities. That and stop reading this misleading thread.
For shame :moop:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 24, 2006 12:58:20 GMT
We have one point from four games against non league opposition and the Civil Service very nicely allow us to double that, as they've only alloted precisely 90 minutes to the game, allowing us to stroll up the field and equalise in the 93rd minute for a 3-3 tie.
We may be crap in division three, but imagine how bad we'd be in non league.
After the ministry of funny walks return home, we return to normal service against Berwick at home and East Sterling away, losing 0-1 and 0-2.
Then comes a flashback to the first game of the season, as we cane Elgin 4-1, with goals from Adam and Wilson and a brace from Slade (not the group).
We then draw 0-0 with Queens Park, extending our unbeaten run to two games! It's our best run e-e-e-ever!
But we resume normal service the following week, when we bin a 1-0 lead at home in the last ten minutes, gifting East Fife a 2-1 result.
Despite our record monthly haul of four points, we're bottom. A position that doesn't improve at the start of October, as we lose 3-0 to leaders Stehousemuir.
Am I fired yet?
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Post by Moo on Oct 24, 2006 14:18:36 GMT
I hope it's soon.
Have you tried changing your tactics to something more attacking? Being the best form of defence and all that? I dunno, something like a 4-2-4?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 24, 2006 14:24:08 GMT
You're a fuckknocker. You really are.
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Post by Boony on Oct 24, 2006 14:26:57 GMT
Thus says the king of fuckknockers. What a happy bunch we are. I blame SpInG.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 24, 2006 14:39:57 GMT
Anyway, Albion Rovers came to Montrose in what was, allegedly, a very winnable encounter the following week. Unfortunately, no one told my players that, so they continued apace with their rampant stupidity of missed kicks, dropped catches and stupid goals and we lost 2-3. Which is about when I got annoyed and, as the northern monkey has betrayed, swapped to a 4-2-2-2 formation, all out attacking from the start, with pressing, hard tackling, a very high tempo and long passing. A tactic I called, at the point of its creation, "ENOUGH!" in tribute to the Jennifer Lopez film of the same name. Away we went to Dumbarton, who we somehow beat 4-1 in our opening fixture and we.... stuck a 1-0 on them. Away from home. Three points. Umm. Ok, then. It could have been more, but all four of our forwards are short on confidence, on account of them being shite for almost three months. The following week, we should have won, but I buggered things up when I got greedy and didn't slow the game down when leading 2-0 after an hour. Arbroath bagged two goals in reply, but we'll take a 2-2, I guess for our second two-game unbeaten run of the season. A 3-0 drubbing in the cup followed, against Brechin, as they knew how to deal calmly with our Zulu Dawn charge tactic, which meant we were on a bit of a downer for the visit of East Sterling, not least because I was scratching around for forwards thanks to the loss of Slade (not the group) and Lee Wilson's loss of form. So I was quite happy when Wilson opened the scoring on 7 minutes, but somewhat less so, when fullback Stuart Cumming put an elbow through a forward's face on 21 minutes. Coincidentally "Stuart Cumming" was also a description of what was going on 70 minutes later, when we'd won 3-0, as even with ten men East Sterling really didn't know what to do. Annoyingly, everyone else at the bottom won, including a highly dubious result as 8th placed Queens Park beat leaders Stenhousemuir. Still, the teams above us are sweating now. At this rate, we might even nab a point against a non league side in a friendly! ![](http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/4756/standnov08cf4.png)
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Post by Boony on Oct 24, 2006 14:47:19 GMT
Nice work, s1ut. You've had a decent month there, and the tactics seem to be working. Is this a new take on Pops' FUaDtW idea?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 24, 2006 14:59:01 GMT
That's exactly how I described it to Moo, aye.
It's two attacking midfielders wide, with arrows into the centre, two forwards, long ball, pressing, hard tackling, tempo right to the top, mentality about two notches down from the top and creative freedom as low as it'll go for everyone.
The ref doesn't blow his whistle to start our games any more, he just shouts "Wahey!"
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Post by Boony on Oct 24, 2006 15:08:24 GMT
Any personal instruction for anyone, or do even your centrebacks and keeper join in the fun?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 24, 2006 15:32:16 GMT
All four defenders are set to defensive, the defensive line is set to deep. How defensive and how deep depends on the battle each week of our pace, versus their pace.
I have all four defenders set to "Stay Back" for corners and free kicks, but they ignore that, which is very annoying. If the opposition leave two up, we leave three back, if they leave three up, we leave four back, but there's a button for that, called "Back if needed" - it's a shame they don't listen to the actual instruction.
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Post by Moo on Oct 24, 2006 15:40:34 GMT
A nice little turnaround there, s1ut. KUTGW!
9th? 9th? Crikey, that's nosebleed territory is what that is.
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Post by Boony on Oct 24, 2006 15:46:34 GMT
Yeah - I've found that on set pieces as well. Talking tactics, this kinda reminds me of the chapter in Andy Gray's tactics book when he talks about the Wimbledon team of the 1980s...
I'm thinking of trying out a 5-3-2 tonight - we keep conceding, so I hope the more bodies back there, the better. Probably direct passing and counter attacking will be the order of the day. Oh, and I think it's about time we lost the offside trap too - it doesn't seem to be working.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Oct 24, 2006 21:30:12 GMT
That's what I was thinking at first and then especially when Moo mentioned that you and he were talking about five men defences. But I had the feeling that I was being too reactive - if the opposition were caning me down the wings, then I'd put backward arrows on my wingers to try to cancel that out. But it felt like I was just trying to nil-sum the games, instead of do something useful, so I went the other way instead.
I figured that if I could cause problems for individual players on the other team, then the AI would have to react. I especially like finding a fullback have a bad day, then sticking both a centre forward and an AM with arrows right on that fullback. Switch the passing to play predominantly down that side and watch the fun.
Eventually, the winger who was ripping you a new arse becomes another defender, trying to help his fullback who's crying for his mam.
Against the better teams this all out "I'm doing this, what are you going to do about it?" doesn't work so well, because they can handle it, so it's not a long term strategy in its current form, but with better players and some tweaking, I think I could upset a team here and there.
What I'm heading for, ideally, is four good defenders who can be trusted to play on their own, as a unit and then I can use the other six players to rove about as I see fit. Anchor someone in midfield and then use the other five as berserkers.
Pops would be proud. I hope.
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Post by Sonic on Oct 24, 2006 23:51:24 GMT
That sounds like how Arsenal play.
Nice to see some improvement there and wins too.
It seems I'm going to have to have a look see if it has been released over here, but for the time being, I'm still enjoying playing my Lorcan game, especially without the writing aspect of it, though there would be quite a bit of action. I had no GK for a time :moop:
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