You're what?

[Moo]

We were all in Belgium at one stage, we did a relay game there. Unless I imagined it.

[Sonic]

Possibly

[elth]

I'm going to have to manage in Croatia some day, just to prove some kind of point. To somebody. About something.

[floplexter]

So back to the Polish heaven. :whang:

League Cup, Leg 1
A v Radomsko: 4-2: Photosynthesis ; Emil the Detective ; Auntie Derek ; Arachnaglobia

My directors are satisfied, but the finances could be better. Erm, isn't that what you're there for, arseholes?

The unhappiness bug seems to be clearing up for once.

League Cup, Leg 2
H v Radomsko: 6-1: Auntie Derek ; Dancey Muppet 3 ; Poofy Underpants ; Photosynthesis

An agg 10-3 win into the semis. Sweet.

I should perhaps mention that I am playing now a kind of bastardised formation, which is 2-1-2-3-2.

The board are delighted- Dancey's 8 MOMs are a new record, we draw Polonia in the quarters.

H v Legia: 1-4: Arachnaglobia

A v Stomil: 3-3: Caroff Ya Scally 2 ; Auntie Derek

Dancey Muppet & Worm Races are selected for Polish U21s.

League Cup Semi-final Leg1
A v Zaglebie: 2-1: Caroff Ya Scally 2

A v GKS Katowice: 2-3: Caroff Ya Scally ; Tame Nipple

A report from the coaches saying that Emil the Detective is developing into a fine player kind of brings it home to me how bloody young the squad are. There are 2 over 30s. The rest are under 26.

Dancey is MOM for the Polish U21s.

Cup, QF, Leg 1
A v Polonia: 2-3: Reversed Bible Salesman ; Dancey Muppet (p)

League Cup, Semi-final, Leg 1
H v Zaglebie: 4-1: Folded Nubbin ; Auntie Derek ; AK47 (1st goal) ; Dancey Muppet (p)

An agg 6-2 win and through hoo hoo.

A v Legia: 1-0: Photosynthesis

H v Slask: 4-4: Bewigged Prig ; Dancey Muppet ; Caroff Ya Scally ; Reversed Bible Salesman

A v Zaglebie: 0-0

Cup QF, Leg 2
H v Polonia: 2-3: Caroff Ya Scally 2

A 4-6 agg defeat.

H v Stomil: 1-1: AK47

A v Ruch Chorzow: 2-1: Dancey Muppet ; Arachnaglobia

I sell Gettifa Yabassa to a Russian team for 28 quid.

League Cup Final, Leg 1
A v Wisla: 3-5: Caroff Ya Scally ; Dancey Muppet ; Long Slow Goodbye
Auntie Derek is dismissed on 72 mins when we are at 3-3.

He is banned for the req 9 games and will miss the run in.

H v GKS Katowice: 2-2: Jim Morrison Lives ; AK47

League Cup Final, Leg 2
H v Wisla: 1-2: Folded Nubbin
We lose (!) 4-7 on agg.

H v Polonoa: 2-5: Dancey Muppet ; Huge Fecking Poultry

H v Ruch: 2-6: Tame Nipple ; Jim Morrison Lives

Ridiculous result- Ruch are 12 points behind me in the league.

I am, by now, applying for every job going, regardless of place, division, or attractiveness.

I am sick to the back teeth of this nonsense. I worked out that in 80% of my games where I lose, their goals come in the first 20 minutes. As in, three/four goals in the first 20 mins, which is then nigh on impossible to combat with any changes you can feasibly make. Incredible. Safe to say, I've not seen CM like this ever.

A v Polonia: 1-4: Bewigged Prig
Again, 0-4 down after 17 minutes!

I am now appearing as "Slightly Insecure" on the job pages.

Slightly? I'm a fucking nervous wreck!

We finish 7th. 19 points behind Polonia, the winners, 2 behind 6th, 6 behind 5th and 6 ahead of 8th. We get 190K.

Goals:
25- Dancey Muppet ; 14- Caroff Ya Scally ; 8- Arachnaglobia

Assists
13- Arachnaglobia ; 9- Dancey Muppet/Reversed Bible Salesman

Ratings
7.78- Dancey Muppet ; 7.45- Arachnaglobia ; 7.30- Reversed Bible Salesman

Dancey Muppet gets Polish Young Player of the Year. And still no bids... he scores and gets MOM in an U21 4-0 win.

The directors are a little disappointed.

Dancey is the supporters POY and all the loanees bugger off. I pick up former loanee, Pandy's Yoint on a free.

Flange is out of contract and leaves- I don't even have much wage power.

Bros Fan's Hubby a regular fixture in the back two, moves on a Bozzer to Katowice.

The directors are now disappointed and unhappy with the substandard league performances.

I loan Cheddary Substance, POL, 23, FC from Legia.

My reputation in Poland is "Fair" and 6th.

Friendly:
H v Tloki: 3-2: Na Wanna Wanga ; AK47 ; Dancey Muppet

The board hear of my job applications and suggest I should be more dedicated to the job. I suggest they go and shag pygmy gnus.

Even my loan requests are being rejected now!
I do get Guy Fawkes' Stylist, MRLC, 22 from Slask.

Friendly:
H v Radomiak: 5-3: Caroff Ya Scally 3 ; Folded Nubbin 2

The directors give me an ultimatum- get a good result in the first league game or suffer the consequences. The game is away to Legia- I get me coat...

And then the day before the game....

The board of directors of Motherwell Football Club offer you the job as manager. They will give you £13.75m to build a team and they expect promotion.

£13.75m! Fricking doodlies.

I bite their hand off.

---------------------

And of course, I saved and played the Legia game.

Lost 1-3 and was summarily and without ceremony, sacked.

Twice in one game- the horror.

Luckily, it doesn't count.


:sheesh:
:moop:
:pops:

[Moo]

Motherwell? A bit of a come down from Poland, I must say.

£13.75M? Sheesh. That'll buy Dancey Muppets, anyway....

[floplexter]

Oh, he's on his way surer than cheese is fish.

Though why did I have to be so adept at giving him a 2.5m value and min release....

[coffers]

Nice work Pops, I'd have resigned weeks ago, that way you have a better chance of someone offering a post.

Good luck at Mottherwell.

[Narcizo]

If he's Polish you won't be able to get him to Scotland will you? Unless this is a trendy update jobby complete with EU nationality updates.

Anyway, well out of it Pops. The "obscure" leagues were/are pantfish in C/FM. Sweden's unplayable as far as I'm concerned. And I know fack all about it. SpInG should just stick to their strengths.

[Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey]

Well done Pops - a glorious run there and a suitable finsh, of leaping ship just before being made to walk the plank.

Good luck at Mothercare!

[elth]

Ha! Sweden's easy.

Nice work on Motherwell, Popsicle, my favourite Scotlandish club.

[Narcizo]

Unplayable because it gives you the impression that you're playing in a weird, alternate English league system with funny names rather than in the Swedish league system.

[elth]

Didn't notice that, probably because I have absolutely no idea what the Swedish league is really like.

[floplexter]

I had a very very quick swizz at the squad (it was 2 am and I was up at 7.30 ) and to my delight there are some class players still there I remember from 00/01 - the likes of... ah, wait. Hmm. Well, you'll have to guess from my nicks, when I get round to it.

But their pre-season was good- a winning four match tour of Ireland and a 1-0 win over Rangers.

Watch this space for Cellik-based hatred to come.

[Narcizo]

elth said:

Didn't notice that, probably because I have absolutely no idea what the Swedish league is really like.

Which is the point I was making. I would imagine that even if Pops hadn't encountered some prominent bugs his experience in the Polish league probably bears no resemblence to what the league actually is like. SpInG can manage England and, probably, Scotland, and after that it probably gets a bit hairy.

[Moo]

I wouldn't expect anything less.

KUTHTFBW!

[Sonic]

That was mental Pops. Going from big wins to big losses in the space of no time at all. You needed a htat to hide in by the look of things. Nice work on getting the Motherwell jobbie.

:thumb:

[floplexter]

Motherwell FC

Welcome to Fir Park, home of the claret and amber.
22.7M in the bank, and 13.75 of that available to me.

Ho ho.

But I've never been one to splash the cash, you know.

After the laborious process of nicknaming the entire squad, I am bombarded with offers for various members of the squad- Dundee Utd alone make offers for five players. I reject them all out of hand.

I have some good players here. The previous incumbent seems to have pissed them all off by selling one of their number and they are continuing to hold the "Unh" against me, which is a slight blow. My star forward, Champagne Frontage in particular is miffed. A 24 yo with 11 caps to his name.

I shall maintain a dignified wall of ignorance with said issues for the moment.

In the first instance, I go for some loans. I have the cash, but don't want my fingers burned until I get my impressive battery of scouts on the go.

So in come Armoured Pillock, SC, NIR, 20, from St Johnstone and Barrymore's Bane, SC, 20, ENG from Watford.

Three others reject my approaches. I love the finality of the "*** has no intention of going on loan to Motherwell".

Unfortunately for me, Dancey Muppet has no interest in coming, despite the offer of 8 times his current salary. Odra accepted 600k too and not the 2.5m release fee.

Oh well. He is concerned about lifestyle issues. He clearly hasn't seen the Polish colony of Scotland.

So the work permit issue, as nark so correctly points out, will stop most Eastern bloc transfers anyway.

I bid for one of my rival's stars, but he's worth a million and the board won't let me spend more than 450k. Annoying. I've not had this board intervention stuff before.

I sign a player/coach, 34 yo SWE, Curried Todger= crap player ratings, shithot coaching ratings. 40k he cost.

Bids pour in for Champagne Frontage but with a 4m release, he's going nowhere for 1.9M. He's not happy, but if he plays well, I don't care. We shall see.

League Cup
H v Brechin: 3-1: Dallas Ploughboy ; Champagne Frontage ; It's a Phase

These three guys, SC, FRC, DMLC respectively, along with keeper, Wee Man are all Unh. One because the previous manager sold his mate, the others because they want to move to a bigger club. They are also the spine and stars of the team and are moving over ma deid corpse.

I spend 85k on a Swedish forward with 3 caps - 23yo, FRLC, Hope Springs Infernal from Halmstad, and 90k (inc. add-ons) for Montrose Brewery, 26, SCO, FC from Torquay.
Yes, Torquay- got a problem with that?


A yoof is promted- E's A Ippo, AM/FC 18.

First league game of the season. The scouts are out now and reaming back names for me.

A v Falkirk: 1-1: Massive Moustache

Sign Rainy Rock, SC, 25, ENG from Queen of the South for 100k inc addons.


Challenge Cup
A v Inverness Caley Thistle: 2-0: Dallas Ploughboy 2

I terminate Barrymore's Bane's loan deal as he's pish (he was one of those hidden dudes, with several 20s, but the rest were 4s). I have the scouts on individuals to avoid repeat.

Sign Dimeball Rivet, 23, D/DMC from Falkirk for 325k inc addons.

H v Dunfermline: 6-2: Hope Springs Infernal 2 ; It's a Phase 2 ; Dallas Ploughboy 2

The board are minted.

As am I.

This is better.

[Moo]

Flashy poof with all your non-losses and such. It'll never catch on, y'know.

I see no Cellik-hating as yet, should I be concerned?

KUTSTBFHW! :thumb:

[coffers]

Good Wok Pops, I'm sure the Bouys baiting will come soon enough.

KUTGW! :thumb:

[floplexter]

STBFH? Elucidate.

Cellik hating will begin when I am forced to acknowledge their stinking existence by either:
a) Getting promted (and if I don't, it's irrelevant because I will be sackéd)
or
b) Meeting them in a cup.

Thanks, CoFFS! - Glad you like my wok - I took a course from Ken Hom.

[coffers]

ooops:

[Moo]

Soon To Be Fe***n Hating. I know they don't like that word, so I've censored it, just to be nice.

[Sonic]

Nice start to your Motherboard career Pops :thumb:

[floplexter]

In a disappointing turn of events, my shithot Russian coach gets a knockback on his work permit and that's the end of that.

But my Zambian coach doesn't and arrives in a flurry of..... erm, things they have in Zambia.

League Cup
H v Queen's Park: 4-0: Hope Springs Infernal 2 ; Dallas Ploughboy ; Champagne Frontage

Derek's Socks picks up the cruciate damage and is out 11 months.

After a long protracted scuffle, I manage to secure the services of Brussels Grout, a 21yo Swedish D/DMRL for 325k inc addons.

I also loan Hairless Plunder from Kilmarnock, a D/DMRC, SCO, 23. Like the look of him, but not so ready to splash the cash.

I'm getting a few players starting to whinge about not being first teamers. Doesn't bother me normally, but I do try a wee switch about and Bal Die is allowed in, as are Son of the Carpenter and Kitty Jay.

A v Alloa: 5-2: Very Banana ; Massive Moustache ; It's a Phase 2 ; Rainy Rock (deb)

It's a Phase is lauded in the media. I agree and John Boyle, my chairman (and fat camp fucker in real life, the nonce) tells me off, saying I shouldn't make him overconfident. Pah.

2nd Rd, Challenge Cup
A v Raith: 1-0: Rainy Rock

Tighter than I wanted, but hey ho. It was a largely second-string.

H v St Mirren: 2-3: Champagne Frontage ; Dallas Ploughboy
First defeat of the season to fellow challengers. Disappointing, but early doors yet.

Dallas Ploughboy publicly criticises the team, but I ignore him.

Reject 750k bid for Skywalker

Challenge Cup, QF
H v Brechin: 5-1: Kitty Jay (1st) ; It's a Phase ; Dallas Ploughboy 2 ; Dimeball Rivet (1st)

I win Manager of the Month for August. Nice.

A v Ayr: 4-3: Dallas Ploughboy ; Champagne Frontage ; Skywalker 2

I reject another Dundee Utd offer for Arab Ship

A yoof appears: AMRL, 16, Gunmin. So does a yoof keeper: 17yo Russ Scabbott.

Challenge Cup, Semi
A v Dunfermline: 5-4: Champagne Frontage 2 ; Dallas Ploughboy 2 ; Rainy Rock

Considering these dudes are unhappy, they're still performing. I am rejecting offers for these two and It's a Phase on a daily basis.

H v Clyde: 3-3: Hope Springs Infernal 2 ; Dallas Ploughboy

H v Berwick: 5-1: Hope Springs Infernal 2 ; Champagne Frontage ; Kitty Jay ; Dallas Ploughboy

I had dropped Hope Springs Infernal for a couple of games- looks like he got miffed.

I No Comment to praise of Dallas Ploughboy and am slightly disappointed by Wee Man signing a pre-contract with Livingston for a December move (under this non-protected contract nonsense). He says he wants European football, I say he's a cunt.

I sign Healthy Fondlings a 24 yo Chilean striker on a free. With 23 caps and 11 goals, he gets his WP no trouble.


Is there a finite limit to how long I can reject bids before they start to crap out on me? There's no way I'm selling guys who perform like this, oh no.

[Moo]

You'll get pished off before the AI does, Pops, especially when the players get wind of it.

Anyhoo, great set of results there, lots of goals, lots of signings, but not enough F-Hating going on. Even from a distance. I assume they're top of the Premier.

KUTGW! :thumb: