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Post by coffers on Feb 29, 2008 13:18:11 GMT
He's got 4 heads?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Feb 29, 2008 13:56:36 GMT
3.0 rated quarterback is pretty decent at this level. Shame he's finishing this year. Also a shame that he looks like that bloke from the Lightning Seeds. My Quarterback, yesterday tomorrow.
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Post by Narcizo on Feb 29, 2008 14:25:25 GMT
Along with his 40 hands he's clearly some sort demon from the lower levels of the Abyss. You'd have thoght he'd be a bit better really.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Feb 29, 2008 15:31:27 GMT
Florida Atlantic University at University of Central Florida So, what better way to start of the new Florida hotness than with a visit to the old and busted Florida to see exactly how bad we are. The honest reason for scheduling UCF here is because I think we can beat them and I'd like to not lose my job in the first season, by failing to meet the board's unrealistic expectations of a top three finish with a team that would struggle to finish in the top three of a game of solitaire. The press who were kind enough to refer to us as a bottom feeder note that UCF are only likely to win a game if their long-ball quarterback accidently throws the ball to the right place and one of their receivers accidentally catches it. If there's a team better set up to fail in front of our 3-3-5 defence then I haven't found it yet. RecruitingAt this point we also get to take a peek at the recruits who'll be available for us to prostrate ourselves in front of at the end of the season. In top top 100 there isn't one with an interest in coming to FAU and there are only four who'll actually take my call. If you keep scrolling further, further.... bit more... keep going... you're alright... you're alright... keep coming... back... back... back... there you go... then you get to the player ranked #1,453 in the country - Halfback "M" Tanner - who is the first person listed who is actively interested in joining FAU. Luckily at this stage, we'll take anyone who wants to come to the school, so I shall be keeping an eye on M.
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Post by hornet on Feb 29, 2008 15:50:54 GMT
Is he taking time off from ordering James Bond around?
And your quarterback is the spit of Rab off Consolevania, albeit in a wig and dodgy false moustache.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Feb 29, 2008 16:41:03 GMT
Florida Atlantic 27 Central Florida 20Florida Atlantic 0 0 10 17 - 27 Central Florida 7 3 10 0 - 20 My first game in TCY ended in an ignominious 42-17 defeat against the Wisconsin Badgers - something I wasn't looking to repeat at FAU when I sat down to work out my non-conference schedule. For about three quarters the Knights have us just about comfortably in hand with a 10-0 lead at the break, which becomes 13-3 after an exchange of field goals, and then 20-10 after Irving Flores throws a long strike to Donald Cannon, only for UCF to answer through a James Warren pass to Damon Ellis. But after three quarters of trailing our defence blanks the Knights in the fourth, while our offence musters 17 points - more than it had in the previous 75% of the game. Irving Flores starts the come back with a six yard pass to Kenny Munson and then it's the Flores-to-Munson connection again to give us our first lead of the game. Jonathan "John Jon" Johnson puts the final points on the board with a field goal from 40 yards - a miraculous distance for someone with JJJJ's "skills." You can view the full boxscore here. NotesQuarterback Tom Flores had to leave the game in the second quarter with a hip injury. Fortunately Flores could return in the second half as back up passer Randall Lange completed only one of six attempts and threw an interception. UCF have a player called " Gary Ponce." If you think Mr Ponce's smile is disturbing, check out FAU's Woodrow "Woody" Woodall. Scoring First Quarter UCF TD 07:06 7-0 Laurence Zamora 16 YD Pass from James Warren (James Rodriguez Kick). Second Quarter UCF FG 00:59 10-0 James Rodriguez 28 YD Third Quarter FAU FG 11:16 10-3 Jonathan Johnson 41 YD UCF FG 08:13 13-3 James Rodriguez 28 YD FAU TD 06:53 13-10 Donald Cannon 53 YD Pass from Irving Flores (Jonathan Johnson Kick). UCF TD 04:21 20-10 Damon Ellis 17 YD Pass from James Warren (James Rodriguez Kick). Fourth Quarter FAU TD 10:36 20-17 Kenny Munson 6 YD Pass from Irving Flores (Jonathan Johnson Kick). FAU TD 07:34 24-20 Kenny Munson 31 YD Pass from Irving Flores (Jonathan Johnson Kick). FAU FG 02:29 27-20 Jonathan Johnson 40 YD
Key PerformersPerformance information is now available in full through the box score linked above. Game MVPQB - Irving Flores. 14/25, 202 yards, 3tds, 0ints. Injuries Doubtful : Dennis Hardy - FS - Bruised Spleen. Florida Atlantic Media Guide.¦ Season ¦ Team Stats ¦ Roster ¦ Player Skills ¦ ¦ 2006 week : 1 ¦ 2 ¦ 3 ¦ 4 ¦ 5 ¦ 6 ¦ 7 ¦ 8 ¦ 9 ¦ 10 ¦ 11 ¦ 12 ¦ 13 ¦ 14 ¦ 15 ¦
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Post by hornet on Feb 29, 2008 17:17:39 GMT
Nice work. But now you've got to rename the thread.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Feb 29, 2008 17:28:32 GMT
Whadda mistake-a ta make-a!
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Feb 29, 2008 17:59:36 GMT
One nice feature of the game is that every couple of weeks I'm going to be sent a "thick list" filled with Thicky McThickertons who are failing their college courses and need some coaching time to beat them back into line.
Thanks to the amount of money I spent on academic tutoring, I have 77 hours of coaching time to give to the idiots and as there are three starters on the first report, I can see those hours are not going to last too long.
Of the three, Dave Roberts is a senior, so I'm not really fussed if he ends up suspended next season, but Paul Diaz and Marvin Murphy will need hand holding so I don't lose their valuable contributions next year.
Receiver Donald Cannon also needs some help and he'll certainly get it because our student's academic futures are very important to us as a school. Also he caught a touchdown pass last week.
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Post by Sonic on Mar 1, 2008 2:32:12 GMT
I think you mean 'valuable contributions' next year in the post above.
Now that you've got your first win out of the way, you've set the season up nicely to finish right about....now. I'd walk out the room and get yourself a cup of coffee and hope the rest of the season has finished by the time you get back.
Oh, and I"m not looking at any more of your player links after being traumatized by that 4 headed 40 handed demon from the lower levels of the Abyss, currently masquerading as your quarterback. Now where's my garlic, holy water, and cross?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 2, 2008 12:38:59 GMT
Florida Atlantic 22 East Carolina 20Florida Atlantic 0 3 16 3 - 22 East Carolina 10 3 0 7 - 20 When it came to scheduling games for the 2006 season, I used the same system that I use when picking girlfriends : 1. Will they have me. 2. Do they look like pirates. There weren't many teams out there willing to play me this season, so I was delighted to find one with an awesome purple and yellow pirate who was keen. Of course, the East Carolina logo is only awesome until you do a google for information on him and find out he's called "Pee Dee." ... Anyway, for the second week running we find a way to win a game through the sneaky tactic of having one good quarter and three rubbish ones. The good quarter this time is the third one, as we score 16 points thanks to a 50 yard run from Robert Yang and a one yard pass from Irving Flores to Christopher Parks. The third quarter was part of a run of 22 unanswered points which proved just enough to beat Pee Dee and the Pirates, despite a very late East Carolina touchdown. With the Pirates running a 4-2-5 defensive system I decided to go strong on the run to the tackles and the home team didn't really have an answer for our ground attack, so that we ended up running the ball 43 times. You can view the full boxscore here. NotesFullback William Armstrong left the game with a scratched eyeball. ScoringFirst Quarter ECU TD 07:52 7-0 Hugh Bass 19 YD Pass from John Fleming (George Ortiz Kick). ECU FG 01:45 10-0 George Ortiz 38 YD Second Quarter ECU FG 08:32 13-0 George Ortiz 21 YD FAU FG 05:14 13-3 Jonathan Johnson 49 YD Third Quarter FAU FG 09:13 13-6 Jonathan Johnson 20 YD FAU TD 06:56 13-13 Robert Yang 50 YD Run (Jonathan Johnson Kick). FAU TD 00:00 19-13 Christopher Parks 1 YD Pass from Irving Flores (Jonathan Johnson Kick Failed). Fourth Quarter FAU FG 08:12 22-13 Jonathan Johnson 28 YD ECU TD 00:23 22-20 Irvin Bailey 29 YD Pass from John Fleming (George Ortiz Kick). Game MVPThe voters gave the nod to ECU's Free Safety Kyle Thurston. But we won, so I'm giving my own MVP award to halfback Robert Yang who ended with exactly 200 total yards and one touchdown. Injuries Probable : William Armstrong - FB - Scratched Cornea. Questionable : Dennis Hardy - FS - Bruised Spleen. Florida Atlantic Media Guide.¦ Season ¦ Team Stats ¦ Roster ¦ Player Skills ¦ ¦ 2006 week : 1 ¦ 2 ¦ 3 ¦ 4 ¦ 5 ¦ 6 ¦ 7 ¦ 8 ¦ 9 ¦ 10 ¦ 11 ¦ 12 ¦ 13 ¦ 14 ¦ 15 ¦
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 2, 2008 13:07:55 GMT
So there's an option within the game to "create a website" which it appears pulls all of the reports together into one folder which can then either be viewed from the pc or uploaded for viewing. www.ittso.com/reports/The off-season part doesn't work, because we haven't done an off-season yet and the recruits only work from week four when they've got some stats to watch, but the Team, Season and Records parts work and look quite spiffy. Very useful for a multiplayer game, I'd imagine. I was punting around the teams from my old stomping ground and noticed one of Kent State's wide receivers has a fractured skull. Ouch. Ohio are still gash, it appears, and one of their wide receivers has a "lacerated eye." It hurts just to read some of the injury reports.
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Post by coffers on Mar 3, 2008 9:20:29 GMT
Good quarters are ace, they usually paper over cracks very nicely and are to be recommended.
Good Work! :thumb:
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Post by coffers on Mar 3, 2008 9:24:13 GMT
The Website stuff looks all very clever.
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Post by Sonic on Mar 3, 2008 10:53:16 GMT
Another win! I think you were messing with us there Stu, as they are clearly not the Worstest Team in Florida.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 1:15:25 GMT
Wekk three and there is, apparently, no fucking about here as we suddenly have four players suspended for failing classes.
WR Donald Cannon OG David Roberts DE Paul Diaz OLB Michael Patten
Cannon, Roberts and Diaz are all regular contributors who will be sat in detention now writing out "I will lurn my sums" out ten thousand times. Tossers.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 3:35:23 GMT
Florida Atlantic University at University of North Texas Our first ever Conference game in the Sun Belt Conference and fortunately, the teams looked to be equally as bad which means that having pitched the thread as the worsterest team ever, I have a chance of going 3-0. The "Mean Green" have lost their last two games by a combined 108-17 after beating the California Golden Bears in week one. Beating trash like this isn't going to do much for my rating though. There's going to be much less hiding behind weak opponents than in TCY - if you want to hit the top of the rankings in BBCF you have to play teams a lot better than North Texas. Or Florida Atlantic. RecruitingOne thing winning might help though is recruiting. After opening with two close victories I suddenly have a touch more sway with certain high school recruits. For instance the #44 ranked player in the country, wide receiver "M" Stuart has warmed up to the point where he'll actually take my call, rather than just laughing while he deletes my message. In fact six players inside the top five hundred have changed their viewpoint from not at all interested to vaguely aware of the school. All of them are from Florida. "M" Tanner (what is it with all these players called "M"?) is still the highest rated player with a genuine interest. He's ranked 1,453.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 4:17:37 GMT
Florida Atlantic 21 North Texas 10Florida Atlantic 0 7 0 14 - 21 East Carolina 7 0 3 0 - 10 Maybe my athletic director was onto something after all. I hate to admit I may have been wrong, but if North Texas are the level of opposition I've got in the Sun Belt then I could be in with a shout. I'm currently the only one in the conference with a winning record. The game does have a bit of back and forth as the Mean Green go ahead 7-0 and 10-7, but for the third time in three games one strong quarter digs us out, as Irving Flores gives Christopher Parks his second touchdown of the season and halfback Robert Yang scored his second rushing touchdown of 2006. On the winng drive Parks lost the ball on a hard hit over the middle, but saw his fumble recovered by offensive guard Jason Sharp, allowing Parks to eventually score his touchdown. You can view the full boxscore here. NotesJohn Johnson recorded his first career sack. Kenny Munson broke through 250 career receiving yards. Offensive Guard Woodrow Woodall broke his elbow. :moop: ScoringFirst Quarter UNT TD 05:47 7-0 Andre Drummond 5 YD Run (Jason Coleman Kick). Second Quarter FAU TD 00:50 7-7 Kenny Munson 44 YD Pass from Irving Flores (Jonathan Johnson Kick). Third Quarter UNT FG 05:54 10-7 Jason Coleman 29 YD Fourth Quarter FAU TD 12:26 14-10 Christopher Parks 1 YD Pass from Irving Flores (Jonathan Johnson Kick). FAU TD 06:43 21-10 Robert Yang 2 YD Run (Jonathan Johnson Kick). Game MVPKenny Munson was given the award this week for his six catches for 155 yards and a touchdown. Injuries Probable : Joseph McClain - WR - Concussion. Questionable : Woodrow Woodall - G - Elbow Stress Fracture.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 4:35:56 GMT
Recruiting Some movement on the recruiting front here, as three players request the opportunity to come and visit the school this week and watch the game against Middle Tennessee State.
The players are : Michael Tanner - RB - #1,453. Robert Barton - QB - #1,470. John Thomas - ILB - #1,543.
I can only invite one and my immediate rection is to go for John Thomas, just because it's a terribly unfortunate name. But I do need to think about who to invite to make sure I have something approaching a team next season.
Essentially if I bring someone in and he has a good time and we win, then they're more likely to want to sign for the school. If we lose, then they may be disheartened and decide to go somewhere else.
As a result, I decide to go for the second best option and invite Quarterback Robert Barton in. That way, if we lose to Midd Tenn, then we won't annoy Michael "M" Tanner.
Of course, losing is something bad teams do, so I'm sure we'll be fine. Apparently.
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Post by Sonic on Mar 4, 2008 5:28:00 GMT
Another win, huzzh! And recruits even deeming you good enough to visit.
The world has indeed turned puce and rotated.
May this always continue :humb:
:thumb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 13:36:34 GMT
Florida Atlantic University at University of Louisiana Monroe A quick look over the ULM roster makes me feel a lot better about this conference and also makes it clear than any success I have here is going to have to be turned into me getting a new job somewhere else, because this conference is garbage. ULM's athletic board are hoping that their team can finish seventh this year. Out of eight. I might win this one... AcademicsDefensive End Paul Diaz raises his grade enough to get off of academic probation and come back to the team. Don Cannon, Dave Roberts and Mike Patten remain suspended. Disturbingly, starting Center Steve Stout and starting Quarterback Irving Flores are on warnings and need to pick up their grades. I'm giving Flores another five hours of tutoring a week for the next three weeks to try to keep him in the team. If he goes then we fall back to Randall Lange and we do not want to do that.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 14:00:30 GMT
Before our game with ULM we have our second bye week, which allows some of our players to get better, but we also pick up some injuries in training, which is making us a little thinner on a roster that already resembles Kate Moss rather too much. WR Joseph Mcclain is currently battling an injury to his Head (Severe Concussion). He is getting better and able to play, but you might want to sit him out one more week.
OT Kenneth Jude is recovering from an injury to his Elbow (Tennis Elbow). He seems to be progressing well and we recommend playing him this week.
OT Marvin Murphy is recovering from an injury to his Thumb (Torn Cartilage). He seems to be progressing well and we recommend playing him this week.
OG Woodrow Woodall is currently battling an injury to his Elbow (Stress Fracture). He is getting better and able to play, but you might want to sit him out one more week.
CB Jacob Toledo is struggling with an injury to his Hamstring (Pulled). He is able to play this weekend, but I don't think he would be anywhere close to 100%. The smart move would be to let him sit and check again next week.
Message to Kenneth Jude : Stop playing tennis, you plank! Three players contact the school to say they'd like to come look at the ladies volleyball team facilities and watch our game with ULM. I can see that home games are going to be important recruiting tools in this game - if you could pull off a major upset with a potential recruit in the stands it'd help a lot. Anyway, wanting to come along are : We just learned that OG Antonio Douglas is interested in visiting our game this weekend against Louisiana-Monroe. He is a 2-star rated player ranked No. 1367 in the nation. He rates as the 100th best OG and No. 335th in the Southeast region.
CB Tim George is interested in visiting our game this weekend against Louisiana-Monroe. He is a 2-star rated player ranked No. 1405 in the nation. He rates as the 156th best CB and No. 261st in the West region.
RB Michael Tanner has requested an invitation to our game this weekend against Louisiana-Monroe. He is a 2-star rated player ranked No. 1453 in the nation. He rates as the 100th best RB and No. 360th in the Southeast region.
It's the second time Tanner has asked to come along and he was, previously, the highest rated player with genuine interest, but that honour has moved on to Tony Douglas now, so it's the guard we invite along to the game.
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Post by coffers on Mar 4, 2008 14:49:42 GMT
I find it strange that you can only entertain one player at a time to watch a game. Mind if you lose and you had more than one there, it could wipe out a recruitment strategy at a stroke.
Nice win BTW! :thumb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 4, 2008 14:52:01 GMT
During the actual recruiting period later in the season I can invite five people to the school each week. But during the season it's one at a time and then only when they ask to come - I can't invite anyone.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Mar 5, 2008 3:42:19 GMT
Florida Atlantic 12 Louisiana Monroe 17Florida Atlantic 0 6 0 6 - 12 Louisiana Monroe 7 7 3 0 - 17 Well, bugger. I invite a prospective recruit along to the game and he gets to sit through our most insipid offensive performance as ULM are simply more efficient to put us away. The time of possession and total yardage is almost identical, but for the first time this season an opponent's run game gets away from us and we just can't get out defence off the field. Monroe's Horace Leger gained 91 yards on 22 carries and his backup Ryan Shaw managed 84 yards on 12 carries. The injuries are really getting up there now, which isn't helping. ScoringFirst Quarter ULM TD 05:54 7-0 Ryan Shaw 3 YD Run (Donald Jeter Kick). Second Quarter FAU FG 14:05 7-3 Jonathan Johnson 28 YD FAU FG 05:30 7-6 Jonathan Johnson 35 YD ULM TD 01:14 14-6 Robert Sanchez 6 YD Pass from Keith Barnett (Donald Jeter Kick). Third Quarter ULM FG 00:00 17-6 Donald Jeter 29 YD Fourth Quarter FAU TD 01:00 17-12 Fabian Morris 76 YD Pass from Irving Flores (2 Pts Failed) Game MVPThe voters give the MVP to ULM Safety George Richard, so I pick my own from my team and settle on defensive end James Miller who has five tackles and two sacks. Injuries Probable : Joseph McClain - WR - Concussion. Probable : Jacob Toledo - CB - Hamstring Pull. Probable : Marvin Murphy - OT - Torn Thumb Cartilage. Probable : Malcolm Howe - HB - Pulled Back Muscle. Questionable : David Barkley - FB - Groin Pull. Doubtful : William Armstrong - FB - Fractured Clavicle. Doubtful : Dennis Hardy - FS - Separated Shoulder. We're going to be in serious trouble if we don't sort our injuries out.
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