meej
Spider Monkey
Posts: 907
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Post by meej on Jun 28, 2006 19:34:56 GMT
As Pops is currently eyepatched-impaired, I've decided to fill in for him until he can be relieved of his seabound-related shenanigans.
Database will be tiny, so as to be played on a 1987 Texas Instrument Programmable. No leagues will be selected, not even the Serbian league itself, and the pool of potential signees will be around half a dozen, all of them fullbacks.
A random set of rules will be established as soon as I can get around to forgetting them claiming for GR anarchy.
Our main tactic will be Eleven Up and No Goalies, our training sessions will consist of being yelled at through a bear to be named later, and we will be playing seventeen friendlies the first week. Scouts will be assigned to Rhodesia, and their reports will be chucked at the nearest English TV sports caster. All players will be named after famous fish in Albanian history.
Now go away and let me think.
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Post by Moo on Jun 28, 2006 19:55:46 GMT
I love you, Meej.
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Post by floplexter on Jun 28, 2006 20:24:56 GMT
Can't wait. So I'll probably die waiting
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meej
Spider Monkey
Posts: 907
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Post by meej on Jun 29, 2006 7:27:11 GMT
I could not progress this much, whatwith it being my weeding aniversary thing last night cue lots and lots of hot sex with me wife. I'm a tictac genius and part Welsh on my mother's side, apparently. I just realised I claimed training would be based on bear yelling, when I actually meant yelling through a beard - not quite the same thing, hairywise. I briefly mused about bearded bears, probably with a pot of beer and all just to keep it in perspective, but finally came to the conclusion that a bear assman is so much more terrifying than a bearded assman. We've all gone to college and the shock is so much more dulled now. The bear assman, in progress.Anyway, we don't need any of this actual playing malarkey, do we? I mean, if you can't figure out a typical Pop's pre-season without actually playing through one, then you shouldn't be logged in here. We will assume that at some point during this week loads of unpromising hobos will be signed by a cup of weak tea and a share in a stewed goat spleen, that tons of friendlies will be played in a pageant of 0-0 and 0-1 scorelines, and that the chairman will emerge from the basement every now and then dabbing at his reddened eyes and saying he thinks of us (ie, him) as a long lost son with a Greenlandian taste in formal trousers. Oregon's Lover will be the goalkeeper, him being the one with more than 2 in handling. Let's just say I hope the rest have kids with sturdy head bones, if their fathers ever pick them up over anything other than a comfy bed.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 29, 2006 7:32:38 GMT
Brilliant Meej. You haven't actually got the game at all, have you?
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Post by coffers on Jun 29, 2006 7:53:41 GMT
Fantabulous. Does it matter if he has the game Stu? What goes on in the game is geneally irrelevant when meej is writing up a story. :thumb: KUTSUAW! :thumb: (Stringing Us Along)
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Post by Moo on Jun 29, 2006 8:26:40 GMT
I refer the beared hobo to my previous response.
KUTGW! :thumb:
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Post by floplexter on Jun 29, 2006 9:39:42 GMT
I have reddened eyes myself over the prospect of a meej story. It's like a Willie Nelson comeback gig.
Without the bandanas.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 29, 2006 9:54:09 GMT
Meej's picture reminds me of my formation for some reason. I might even rename it the Bear Fucking formation, if only so I can imagine Barry Davies whispering through the team lineups, saying "and CSK will line up in the classic Bear Fucker."
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Post by floplexter on Jun 29, 2006 10:10:37 GMT
Famous picture, that. An artist's impression of one of the "Gralag" polar bears who were trained in Siberia to recognise, assault and debilitate Russian dissidents who were trying to foment ill-feeling among the peasantry.
Reports said that you were certainly debilitated for some time after having a polar bear's knob shoved up your tundra pocket.
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Post by Moo on Jun 29, 2006 10:19:14 GMT
Minghole? Tundra Pocket? Where do you get these quaint phrases, Pops?
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meej
Spider Monkey
Posts: 907
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Post by meej on Jun 29, 2006 10:24:14 GMT
Dissidents? Did they train them to attack anyone in a goatee? Cause I could use one of them about nowish.
The bear assman report claims we need a goalie and a striker, apparently thinking we can make do with the rest by digging a moat in the middle of the pitch and fill it with crocodiles. In a weird turn of events, all the projected starters (both Pop's and the bear's selections) turn out to be much pisher than the rest of the players, randomly picked as subs. Consequently, we shoot a fullback and get a baby girl born, just for the heck of it.
A whale rolls up dead in the beach and is promptly signed on as starting midfielder. The bear takes offence at it, and I must admit that his contention that Serbia doesn't actually have a sea coast carry some weight, around the middle.
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Post by Moo on Jun 29, 2006 10:27:42 GMT
Pops - I think Meej just called you fat.
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meej
Spider Monkey
Posts: 907
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Post by meej on Jun 29, 2006 10:29:35 GMT
At least he ain't writing in red, that's all I say.
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Post by coffers on Jun 29, 2006 10:31:35 GMT
IGFLITO! everywhere.
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Post by floplexter on Jun 29, 2006 10:58:10 GMT
Pops - I think Meej just called you fat. And he's right, you know. It's all the food and booze I stick away. It's something of a hobby. But I don't eat whale. Only dolphin.
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meej
Spider Monkey
Posts: 907
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Post by meej on Jun 29, 2006 11:37:05 GMT
Shocking News!Apparently, our brand new star midfielder has been stolen! This whale of a crew was reduced down to two, that was me and the captain's old dog.This heinous act was committed under cover of the night, in true Apalachian fashion, and the evildoers managed to get away carrying the lot of it, including jawbones. The resident policeman and local celebrity pursued investigations on this matter, but even the repeated punching of the local sheep shearers failed to bring light into the issue. In other news, we keep on keeping on drawing and losing friendlies. No fullbacks are thrown into the piranha tank, despite rumours. Not even after a 0-0 draw, and this is almost unrelated to the delivery company having made a muck of things. One of the starters will probably be getting a thigh injury this afternoon around 5:30, I hope to be playing the last few friendlies by that time. It'll be a fairly serious injury, I'm talking four to six weeks here, but the bright side to such a sorry side is that anyone from the reserve side can step inside barely missing a step.
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Post by coffers on Jun 29, 2006 11:44:12 GMT
That cracked me up! Slow down I'm trying to gazebo here.
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Post by Moo on Jun 29, 2006 11:45:13 GMT
It's a spooky picture. 800 will love it.
I don't like the way you can predict injuries to your players, Meej, it's almost like you're going to inflict them yourse.... oh wait.
:cab:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 29, 2006 12:04:49 GMT
But I don't eat whale. Only dolphin.
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Post by floplexter on Jun 29, 2006 12:09:45 GMT
This is so... close to home. Luvvit.
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Post by Moo on Jun 29, 2006 12:22:34 GMT
New avatar, Pops?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 29, 2006 12:26:43 GMT
Small avatarry version :
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Post by Moo on Jun 29, 2006 12:31:02 GMT
Awwww bless!
*sings*
Pops and Stuey, sitting in a tree....
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by coffers on Jun 29, 2006 12:33:51 GMT
Moo:
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