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Post by Boony on Jun 2, 2006 14:23:06 GMT
Moo, you're banned.
S1ugt - nice work on the playoff grab. Good luck against the foals.
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Post by coffers on Jun 2, 2006 14:31:11 GMT
Well done on coming back from the dead.
And Moo: :groan:
Good luck in the PO Semi-finals.
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Post by Moo on Jun 2, 2006 14:38:26 GMT
You can't ban me! Don't you know who I am?
Sorry about the bad pun, I'll do better next time. In the mane time, here's some music.....
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 2, 2006 16:40:23 GMT
Good luck in the PO Semi-finals. We're not playing the post office.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 2, 2006 17:21:30 GMT
The Play Offs I thought the games would be the other way around, but when we play 3rd placed Weston Super Mare we face them at their place first and ours in the second leg. In the regular season, we'd beaten them 1-0 at their place and drawn 0-0 at home; a result that would be good enough to send us to the final.
We start off well enough with the run of the game in the first half, sending in four shots on target, while staying tight at the back, but then we fall over straight from the second half kick off, allowing a goal 16 seconds into the half. Our attempts to chase an away goal are stoned when Cocktail Cubs is sent off for a professional foul on 70 minutes.
Weston Super Mare 1-0 St Albans - Larkin 46. - Cocktail Cubs.[/size]
In the other game, Eastbourne bounce back from allowing an early goal to win 3-1. A week later it's time for the second leg and the unfit Shoot Puke is thrown back into the mix, despite marginal fitness after returning from injury. Missing Letter is moved back from the forward role to right midfield, with Swimming Stone coming in to partner Sunday School Exile up front. We kick off, needing a goal for the draw or two for a win and it's not long before we have our opener, as Burning Ants who's on some rocking form, blasts in a shot which is tipped aside by the Mare's keeper, dropping to the feet of Swimming Stone who taps in for 1-0. The scores stay level to the break and through to almost the hour mark, when Gentleman's Club loses the ball by the Mare's box, then has to sprint back to try to chase down the counter attack. Club makes about the best tackle I've ever seen from a flat circle, then he beats a Mare midfielder and clips a pass over the top of the Mare defence for Sunday School Exile, who runs through, gets to the edge of the box and hammers a low shot past the keeper into the far corner for 2-0! This means it's time to see how far to the left the defensive slider goes, as we pack the penalty area with defenders and run out the last half hour with little problem. After the game Mare's manager says he doesn't mind losing to me too much, because the best team won. Too fucking right they did. St Albans 2-0 Weston Super Mare(St Albans win 2-1 on aggregate) - Swimming Stone 14. - Sunday School Exile 58.[/size]
Eastbourne win their second leg 2-1, for a 5-2 aggregate victory. On 13 May 2006 Eastbourne and St Albans will meet at Chelsea's Stamford Bridge for the right to go up to the Conference National for the 2006/07 season. [/font]
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Post by Sonic on Jun 5, 2006 0:35:50 GMT
Nice work on not foaling things up.[/Moo] :cab:
Weston Super Mare, what a name :humb:
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Post by coffers on Jun 5, 2006 7:34:41 GMT
The final should be tough, but I'm sure you have it in you to beat a bunch of old age pensioners. :humb:
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Post by Moo on Jun 5, 2006 8:27:02 GMT
No pressure, like, but if you don't win then you're shite. :humb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 5, 2006 12:38:18 GMT
Play Off Final
The final starts with a surprise selection, as I forget to stick Cocktail Cubs back into the side after his suspension, so we start the final with backup defender Fatal Exception in from the start and Cubs in the stands.
Off we go then and it's a cagey start from both teams, each playing primarily a defensive system at a slow pace, which leads to a pretty dull first ten minutes with the only interest being an injury to an Eastbourne defender, before I decide to push for a bit more, as I can't hold out for 90 minutes against this lot.
That's a pretty decent idea then...
Cereal Disappointment plays through a low, angled pass to Swimming Stone, who quickly squares the ball to Sunday School Exile for 1-0 to the Saints.
Eastbourne react to the goal with a certain amount of vigour, as they pour forward, pulling our defence all over the shop, but their only successes come as they cut Shoot Puke in half, injuring the midfielder and then hitting the woodwork with their two best chances. As I stop the fullbacks from pushing forward, the game slows a touch and rolls to halftime with the score still at 1-0.
The second half has the same slow start as the first, but then Eastbourne start pushing men forward, to a 4-3-3 and then a 3-4-3 with wingers forward on the hour. To counter, we slide the line back and back, drop the offside trap and move to counter attacking, with the reedy forwards, somewhat optimistically, asked to hold the ball.
It's working... It's working... It's working... We'll do it for the kids! We can do it, we can do it, we will do it!
Fucksocks.
Extra time to come. :moop:
90 Minutes Eastbourne 1-1 St Albans - Sunday School Exile 11. - Storey 83.[/size] [/font]
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Post by coffers on Jun 5, 2006 12:54:52 GMT
Nearly, ever so nearly. But you still have 30 minutes to do the business, whatever that may entail. Good Luck!
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 5, 2006 13:25:35 GMT
Play Off Final
Extra time. My players are mostly knackered, but one of the joys of Grass Roots management is that all you have to do is look at your bench to realise that the knackered one-trick ponies on the field are ten times the trash you have on the subs bench. So the folks out there will have to keep going.
The extra period gets off to a quick start and it's not quite six minutes old, when new signing Missing Letter dribbles down the left wing, cuts inside between two defenders, but then sees his shot tipped away by Eastbourne's keeper - but the ball ands at Sunday school Exile's feet and he's left to sidefoot into an empty net for 2-1 to the Saints!
We hold the lead to the break, playing defensive and on the counter, with no runs or arrows, trying to hold back some stamina for a fast start to the second half.
A fast start to the second half would look a lot like this :
3-1 to the Saints after just two minutes of the fourth half of the game and a hattrick for Sunday School Exile in what will be his last game for the club, before he returns to Leyton Orient. The hattrick is somewhat unlikely from a player with just eight goals through the regular season.
What next, a hattrick for Peter Crouch?
Unsurprisingly, considering their manager doesn't like me, the Eastbourne Pensioners don't take the end of their season too well and they aren't grabbing two goals in the last 12 minutes, so they start to hacking me instead, until with two minutes to play, Eastbourne's Matt Crabb gets first use of the soap for punching Exile. Something he could have been better served doing before the Orient forward scored three goals.
Eastbourne 1-3 St Albans - Sunday School Exile 11, 96, 108. - Storey 83. - Crabb 118
[/size]
In the end, it was pretty easy, as Eastbourne were dead in the extra halves and it was a matter of how many we were going to score, rather than if. St Albans will be playing in the Conference National in 2006/07. [/font]
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Post by coffers on Jun 5, 2006 13:54:00 GMT
Yay! Well Done Stu, the thing that you have to remember about GR level FM is that no matter how knackered your lot are in Extra Time, the opposition is likely to be worse off, as their training regime is probably infinitely worse than yours. Roll on the National Conference for next season. I think you will need some new recruits.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 5, 2006 14:01:12 GMT
End of Season Leaving Pie Stains who I picked up as cover for about six positions at the back is sent packing for exactly nothing, which is a touch more than he's worth. Player/AssMan Chicken Pilot suggests that defender Chicken Pilot isn't worth a shirt and who am I to disagree with his own evaluation of himself, so a change of contract takes him from Player/AssMan to just AssMan.
Midfielder Tribute who was handy last year, but ultimately earns too much money at £245pw, is sold for £1,000 up front and £1,000 after he plays 30 times for his new team Macclesfield.
Also leaving are defenders Burning Ants and Seven Biscuits and hero forward Sunday school Exile who return to their clubs after season long loans with the Saints.
Sunday School Exile will have a special place in team history forever, as his four goals in the playoffs and hattrick in the final carry us through to promotion. I make a note on his player sheet of the event and will keep an eye on him through the rest of his career.
A quick look around the team from 05/06...
Keepers He's only 5'9", but Turkey Baster played some awesome games this season and will stay with the 1 shirt for next season. Behind him Chilly Out was shocking, while Fridge Shop was passable.
Defenders Cocktail Cubs was a real surprise, as the 6'7" centreback literally and figuratively a giant alongside Burning Ants. Gentleman's Club was average at right back, but may play less if we find a proper right midfielder, allowing Widespread Disappointment to drop back to the fullback role. Big Family looked good at left back, right up to the point where he broke his leg. On the bench Fatal Exception was good and played well in the playoff final when I forgot to put Cubs back in after his suspension.
Midfielders This was the most random bunch, with Cereal Disappointment playing well on the left, but going through clutches of assists, then providing nothing for weeks. Distance Toffee was the Captain and played well at DM, but the player we brought in to partner him, Shoot Puke was too often injured as the opposition seemed to think he was worth kicking, a lot.
Behind them was a clutch of players who shuffled in and out, depending on form, morale, injuries and whether I was in a good mode or not. Shelf Clown, Method Actor, New Do, Junior Angel and Back Pocket all had good and bad games. Missing Letter will be a decent player in the future, but only came in in time to play four games this year.
Forwards Victorian Birdbath was the man, early on, but the old geezer faded terribly after about a third of the season, thanks to injury and some other problem that I couldn't see. Luckily, Purple Hayes stepped up a few weeks after Birdbath's disappearing act. Hayes hit 21 goals and five assists.
Swimming Stone was the final forward we actually owned and his moment of glory came when he hammered home the Saints' goal of the season; a 35 yard effort that bent and dipped in off the crossbar.
Awards Fans Player of the Year : Purple Hayes Manager's Player of the Year : Purple Hayes Manager's Young Player of the Year : Method Actor
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Post by Moo on Jun 5, 2006 14:58:04 GMT
Nice work, s1ut. I must say I'm very surprised that you managed to get out of there at the first time of asking. Cracking stuff!
:thumb:
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Post by Boony on Jun 5, 2006 15:09:08 GMT
Aye, well done fella! KUTPW! :thumb:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 5, 2006 15:21:37 GMT
Nice work, s1ut. I must say I'm very surprised that you managed to get out of there at the first time of asking. Cracking stuff! I was pretty surprised myself. With the injuries and the morale problems, things were getting a bit hairy at the end - luckily the win over Newport not only virtually assured us a playoff spot, but it rescued the morale of half of the players. Quite what Exile had for breakfast before the final, I don't know.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 5, 2006 16:56:48 GMT
Fluff
A quick glance around the world sees Arsenal win the prem, ahead of Chelsea by three points with Liverpool third and Man United fourth. Chelsea get used to the runner up feeling, as they lose the Champs League final on penalties to Real, with Becks scoring the winning spot kick.
Spurs win the FA Cup and Chelsea do manage a pot, winning the Not Milk, Not Coke Cup, 2-0 over Big Sam's Bolton.
Then comes the exceptionally large cup, with England strolling through their group with wins over the Yanks, Zambia and Serbia, before crashing out to Sweden in the second round. A goal from Farnerud and a brace from Zlatan proving enough to beat England 3-1, Robotinho scoring for the English.
France go on to beat Italy 3-1 in the final, thanks to man of the match Thierry Henry, who makes it a decent summer with the Premiership, World Cup, Golden Boot and then both goals in the Community Shield win over Spurs.
Signings
The chairman, Rockin' Ronnie, calls me into the board room to let me know that St Albans have been given £100,000 for promotion to the National, as part of the TV deal. He seems quite happy with the deal.
From our new windfall he's prepared to shell out £14k for transfers, which I promptly don't spend on nine new players, who all jump aboard for nothing. Finally we do spend real money, three thousand pounds of it, signing a player from Championship side Hull who was valued at £45k. Which is nice.
In Pastry Mania - Free Rambler - Free Shoe Nails - Free
Magic Bird - Free Monkey Moon - Free Crunchy Fat - 3k
Hunt for Fractions - Free Rogue Trader - Free French Horn - Free Stolen Robin - Free
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Post by Moo on Jun 5, 2006 17:05:01 GMT
That reminds me, I must shag wor lass tonight.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 5, 2006 21:08:01 GMT
August 2006
St Albans vs Forest Green St Albans 7-2 / Draw 9-4 / Forest Green 4-6 (Fav)
We open the season with distressing news, as Forest Green, who are marked for relegation this season, are strong favourites before kick off.
So it's safe to say that everyone is fairly surprised as we burn the Forest down, forwards Purple Hayes and new boy French Horn proving simply too good for the trees.
The first goal comes on nine minutes, as the Forest keeper brings the ball out from the back, but isn't paying attention and loses the ball to Hayes, who rolls a shot into the empty net from 20 yards. Hayes made it two on 23 minutes with an early contender for goal of the season, as our new midfield plays some very neat football, then slides the ball to French Horn, who touches it forward to Hayes. Hayes turns the pressing defender, then outpaces a second, cuts into the box and fires across the keeper into the far corner.
With Hayes on a brace it becomes Horn's turn, as he heads home a cross from Missing Letter on 33 minutes and then, on three minutes into the second half he concludes the scoring, playing some good football, pushing the ball out wide to Magic Bird, then meeting Bird's cross by cutting between two defenders two the near post for 4-0.
Horn and Hayes both hit the bar, after, but there's no hattrick here.
St Albans 4-0 Forest Green - Purple Hayes 8, 23 - French Horn 33, 49 - Monkey Moon, Method Actor - Magic Bird[/size]
Wycombe Wanderers vs St AlbansSt Albans 9-1 / Draw 4-1 / Wycombe 1-4 (Fav) Ouch. Well, at least we still have an even goal difference. Yes, Wycombe spanked us 4-0, as we just couldn't keep up with the former League Two side and the caned us with two goals while we played defensive counter and another two when we moved to attacking to try to get back into the game. Amusingly, the game was our first appearance on TV, so it was nice for the world to get a good impression of us. Wycombe Wanderers 4-0 St Albans - Torres, 24 - Mooney, 30 - Tyson, 46 - Savage, 74[/size]
St Albans vs CambridgeSt Albans 4-1 / Draw 5-2 / Cambridge 4-7 (Fav) I had a quick skim through the rules for the Conference National, but apparently I missed the bit where it said every game had to have four goals. Missing Letter opens the scoring on just nine minutes, with a backward header from a Magic Bird cross. Cambrdige equalise through Craig Westcarr on 20 minutes. Then the injuries come, as fullback Big Family and Centreback Pastry Mania are both forced off, bringing in Widespread Disappointment to play out of position at left back and new signing Jedi Spider in the middle. On 51 minutes we're back in front, as Purple Hayes bangs home his 50th goal for St Albans, thanks to another assist from Magic Bird. We bring on forward Stolen Robin in place of the tiring French Horn up front, but then the other centreback, Cocktail cubs picks up an injury too and we have no one to replace him. It's no surprise then, that Cambridge grab an equaliser and have chances to win. Chances they can't take, thankfully. St Albans 2-2 Cambridge - Missing Letter, 9 - Purple Hayes, 51 - Westcarr, 20, 81 - Magic Bird
INJURY NEWSCocktail Cubs suffered a hamstring pull and will miss between two weeks and a month. Luckily, Jedi Spider who was just brought in as a midfielder, showed he could play defender against Cambridge. Fullback Big Family has suffered broken ribs, to match the broken leg he picked up at the start of last season. He'll miss between two and six weeks while they heal.
[/size] Crawley vs St AlbansSt Albans 7-4 / Draw 11-5 / Crawley 5-4 (Fav) So, applying what we've learned so far, if I scored two goals in this game then Crawley must have scored.... yes, that's right, four goals. A team expected to sit in the midtable tore me a new one, going up 3-0 and 4-1 in a one-sided game. The good news is that Jedi Spider looked good and Rogue Trader, who hadn't been fit yet since joining the team, scored our second goal. Crawley 4-2 St Albans - Burton, 21,50 - Wormull, 45 - Purple Hayes, 62 - Clare, 66 - Rogue Trader, 84 - Widespread Disappointment
The under 18s beat Canvey Island 2-1. INJURYReservist Empty chariot suffers a pulled hamstring and will be out for up to a month.[/size]
St Albans vs KidderminsterSt Albans 7-2 / Draw 9-4 / Kidderminster 4-6 (Fav) We've had enough of this four goal nonsense, so try to play a tight formation - a plan that works for exactly 67 seconds, before Kidderminster are in front. We switch to attacking, but we go from 60-odd seconds to 60 minutes before we can equalise, French Horn smashing a shot off the post which hits defender Steven Reed in the arse and bounces in for a slightly lucky equaliser. On 72 minutes, Kidderminster make a fatal mistake, kicking Purple Hayes out of the game with a dead leg. We send on Rogue Trader in Hayes' stead and he scores his second goal in two games to give us a lead we won't give up. We'll take the 2-1 win, to finish the month with two wins, two defeats and a draw. Midtable form, which will do for me as everyone is marking me for relegation. St Albans 2-1 Kidderminster - Thompson, 2 - Reed (og), 60 - Rogue Trader, 77 - Pastry Mania[/size][/font]
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Post by coffers on Jun 5, 2006 21:58:03 GMT
Nice and steady, nothing too rash their, I eckon you'll be on for another Promtion by Christmas. Then again I've been drinking heavily. :hic:
Nice start and remember no matter what Moo says, consolidation is a good thing.
KUTCW! :thumb:
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Post by Moo on Jun 5, 2006 22:09:27 GMT
I'm all for consolodation, Coffers. In fact, I said ages ago to Boony, when we were talking about FM and CM, I always went for the three stage SIP method in a new division: Safety Improvement Playoffs.
Anything else is a bonus.
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Post by Sonic on Jun 6, 2006 1:56:53 GMT
Congrats on the surprise promotion, though really your just faking it to get even more plaudits as the 'Surprise Promotion' was never not going to happen. I just wrote that didn't I :cab:
Three part SIP? Hmm, I usually do it in one go. Is there some sort of robotic movement involved in the process?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 6, 2006 12:03:52 GMT
I'm sure Peter Crouch could have a sip in a robotic fashion. I'm also sure it'd be on the BBC for Pops' delectation.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Jun 6, 2006 13:40:40 GMT
September 2006
Morecambe vs St Albans St Albans 7-2 / Draw 9-4 / Morecambe 4-6 (Fav)
A beautiful piece of work here, as keeper Turkey Baster gets a kick in the face and allows a goal in the subsequent scamble, which isn't entirely fair. More bad news afterwards, as Purple Hayes kicks off then gets clattered and has to go off. I'd started him with new partner Rogue Trader to see how they'd work together, but I guess I won't be finding out.
We're back in the game shortly afterwards as Monkey Moon rises to slam home a header and then it's the French Horn show, as the young Franco forward burst through to sidefoot home for 2-1, then picks up a pass in midfielder, accelerates between the two centrehalves and belts home an upstoppable shot from the edge of the area. We hit the post a couple of times after, but can't score again, which makes things a bit tasty when Morecambe score a late goal, but it's not enough and we have another win.
Morecambe 2-3 St Albans - Carlton, 5 - Monkey Moon, 25 - French Horn, 29, 66 - Ekoku, 87 - Pastry Mania, Missing Letter, Magic Bird - French Horn
INJURY Purple Hayes is out for a week with a dead leg. Madame Palm suffers a strained wrist in "training."
[/size] Southport vs St AlbansSt Albans 6-4(Fav) / Draw 2-1 / Southport 13-8 I'm the favourite in a game? That has to be bad news. Yet again our bus is five minutes late to the game and we let in another early goal, which is fooking annoying. Then there's a rash of yellow cards, like jaundiced pustules on the neck of St Alban, which is going to force me to drop out of hard tackling. But then it's the French show again. I love the french, suddenly. It may have something to do with French Horn, who pops up on the left wing, grabs the ball and makes a diagonal run right, which ends up with him nipping the ball past the outrushing keeper and inside the near post. After that though, it's a pretty dull game. The second half revolves around Magic Bird and the French fella, trying to score, while the entire Southport defence focus on those two players, having realised the rest are mostly clueless. Rogue Trader is particularly disappointing, having been the first St Albans player to make a team of the week, last week, he's barely anonymous. So that's that then. 1-1. Oh, wait... having shown up five minutes late, we stay five minutes late too, and on 94 minutes a long punt upfield falls to French Horn and he controls the ball, edges into the area on the left, then turns away from goal, makes a spin and sprints away from his defender and hits a dead straight shot into the far corner for a 95th minute winner! Southport 1-2 St Albans - Daly, 5 - French Horn, 20, 90(+5) - Widespread Disappointment, Magic Bird, Rogue Trader, Stolen Robin - French Horn [/size]
We're only halfway through the month, but I like the way the table looks, so I'm posting now, before it all goes stripy arsed. [/font]
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Post by Boony on Jun 6, 2006 13:51:32 GMT
5th! Nice work, looks like you've found some form there. KUTCFBW! :thumb:
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