Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 19, 2008 11:02:31 GMT
Although the season isn't technically over, I'm got to rar the save and upload it today so that the next person can mess about with some friendlies and do some scouting before the window opens.
We do have one very good scout. I wonder if he can play up front.
No idea if the main window in the off-season is two players only or if that's the time to bring in everyone who has legs. If it is two players only then next up will want to check the short list for the eleventy people marked TRN.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
Leeds offer $22,000,000 for Patrick Vieira. We'd love to compete for his signing but we're $22,536,500 short of the target. Unless we get an injection of capital (anyone know a trustworthy Nigerian with $23m of gun running money in a seized account looking for somewhere to displace it?).
On the bright side, we're bankrupt. The worst that could happen is we get nationalised.
02.06.01
Board of directors still loves me. This must be their tax write off operation. If we ever turned a profit they'd probably have to pay alimony.
In a game of two nations that don't really exist; Belgium 4 vs 1 Latvia is the highlight of the World Cup qualifying campaign.
16.06.01
I'm glad these guys all have nicknames.
23.06.01
13 potential new signings.
01.07.01
Board still loves me.
20.07.01
LAZORZ! injured again.
22.07.01
Someone possibly should have reminded me we can only have 50 players. :cab:
Not helped by Stu telling our England International "Yeah, you can kick a ball around if you like" instead of confining the bastard to the dugout (not the forum).
First real update up next; signings galore!
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
Or "0" unless I can offload some of the dross on the team. Unfortunately I can't "end" a contract because we don't have the money, so I have two blokes threatening to retire that I'm waiting on.
I'm considering taking out a contract on a few of the blokes, a hitman has got to be the cheaper option.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
Welcome to another exciting installation of Jim'll Fix It...now then now then. Today we've got a letter from a young boy in South America, arharharh, wanting me to make him the manager of a real football team for a day.
Well, we're going to go one better and actually install you fulltime.
I never did like Jimmy Saville it must be said. It was never me riding around in a to-scale built Ferrari picking up hot chicks.
Cowboy Mask picks up Player of the Year.
==OUTS== 2 noobs Stu didn't bother naming. Misery Bun - FREEEEE Dead Strings - FREEEEE
We're waiting on the death of Ugly Friend and another unnamed pleb.
==INS== Well, I'm trusting in Stu here a bit because I basically let his lot arrive.
I then signed some of my own :humb:
Lesbian Lover - 19 Brazilian, DRC. Can jump. Can dribble. Ball playing centrehalf? Not on my team sonny.
Hanging Monkey - 18 Brazilian, FC. Can run moderately quickly.
Forriner - 21 USA, D/DMR. Fit, brave, hard working.
Exciting Tendons - 18 Brazilian, SC. Can't do anything, but highly recommended.
Kindred Spirits 40% - 19 Brazilian, AMRL. Dynamic would be a polite way of saying "meh".
Tar Git Man - 20 Argentinian, SC. Does exactly what it says on the tin.
Russell Crowes Nose - 19 Argentinian, D/MR. Solid all rounder.
Logical Captain - 19 Brazilian, DMC. Is a logical choice for Captain.
Yay! Money! - 17 Argentinian, SC. Knows where he is on the pitch. No clue what to do, but knows where to go.
Arriba, Ondelay! - 24 Argentinian, SC. Signing of the century. Everything you ever wanted in a striker, and better still - he's completely free.
Vamos Pendecho - 23 Argentinian, FRC. Second signing of the century.
I should have loaned a keeper really. Meh.
======================
Our opening game see's us facing off against the might of Almagro, who I don't think we've faced before - ah, that'll be because they're relegated Premier Division peoples, and have some bloody good players on their team.
We have no leftback, so we're playing a sweeper. No, really.
And in our first game half the team are 79%, so strapping together the midfield with driftwood and washing line.
Last season we struggled to score. Knowing the old analogy of "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink", we're deciding to go with a slight change. You might not be able to make him drink. But you can sure as hell hold his head under the surface until it inhales in desperation and swallows some of the stuff.
====================================== GK - Apples for Whisky
DC - Judge Pickles DC - Lesbian Lover DC - Ultimate Ribena SW - Missing You More
MC - Under my Kaiser's Helm MC - Logical Captain (C)
AMC - Hanging Monkey
AMFLC - Wrong Number AMFRC - Vamos Pendecho
SC - Arriba, Ondelay!
Bench: King of Lazy Town, Mining for Monsters, Horse Milking, Lost and Lonely, Tar Git Man. ======================================
11.08.01 The game starts well. By well I mean that Almagro starts out on the offensive, we get the ball - knock ot through to Vamos Pendecho (the fastest man on the team) and their centrehalf has hold of his shirt. Well, the Red Card comes out and we all know shirt pulling makes baby Jesus cry.
It starts a little better when Ultimate Ribena smashes in the free kick from 20 yards.
I taught him that trick over the weekend with my patented banana foot. I'm not sure what he was intending to do, but it went in and that's all that matters.
That and the second goal we add in the 4th minute. Quite what he's doing up front I have no idea, but Arriba forces the low save and he's there to smash it into the goal. The remaining 40 minutes of the half are silent. We pile forward a bit, Ondelay! has a few good efforts saved, and then they start to pick up a bit of momentum and shift formation. In the 85th minute Whisky in goal beats it away - and one of their blokes smashes it in.
In the 86th minute the commentary says "Almagro seemed to be playing without breaking much sweat!" which is amusing because we win 2-1.
Fuck you.
The board don't say anything, because they're cuntflaps.
======================================
18.08.01 Running up to the 2nd game of the season (away at Estudiantes de Buenos Aires) I cut 5 nobodies, and go out on the poach again. We bring in:
Hand of God - 29 Argentinian, AMC - creativity to the max (not).
Token - 29 Argentinian, D/ML - Token LB.
As a reward for his goalscoring freekick effort in his last game, Ultimate Ribena gets the curly finger treatment. Instead Token is thrown in for his debut, with Russell Crowes Nose sliding in at RB. Judge Pickles and Missing You More shore up the defence. Hand of God gets an immediate start behind the solo striker.
We start the game brightly, bringing the ball forward and playing it around in a style completely alien to the lower leagues. No surprise then that we give it away and then race upfield to smash it home in the 22nd minute. Meh. Whisky keeps us in the game with a couple of fine stops before Hand of God almost gives us an equaliser, but see's his run into the box stopped abruptly by his own inability to control, pass and/or shoot.
Anyway - he makes up for it by being able to head the ball on, and in the 45th minute Arriba, Ondelay! bags his first for the club.
Immediately from the restart we take the lead. Ondelay makes a poor pass, Logical Captain seizes the ball, whips in a cross and Pendecho is there to slam in his first goal for the club also. It gets a bit scrappy after that, but Hand of God is again instrumental - picking up a loose ball, striding forward, laying it on for Arriba, Ondelay! who smacks it low and hard into the goal.
I immediately try to sub him off, but am beaten to it by the fact some bastard comes over and crocks him.
So he gets pulled off for Tar Git Man and the rest of the game peters out.
Arriba will miss 3 weeks with a broken toe. Good job Stu signed 3 dozen strikers.
A great debut for Hand of God who sets up two, and Russell Crowes Nose picks up an "8" from RB. :humb:
The board is "delighted with the excellent 3-1 win over Estudiantes de Buenos Aires".
======================================
25.08.01 By the time the next game has come round (against Espanol at Home) I've been active again, at last a few players retired (saving me $40k!) so I wrangle away a keeper from Cipolletti.
Magic Hat - 19 Argentinian, GK - better than anything we have.
Wrong Number takes up centre targetman role, with Kindred Spirits brought in at LW and Magic Hat straight in at GK.
Magic Hat is MOM in a 0-0 draw as we struggle to do anything remotely cohesive on the field - managing only 2 chances, and 1 on target.
We get a televised game (eh?) for our match vs Ferro Carril on 23.09.01.
Magic Hat is promptly bought by Racing, but wont be moving until next July.
======================================
04.09.01 We bring in an experienced head with the acquisition of:
Auld Man Ribbon - 34 Argentinian, AMC - setpieces ability and good all round player.
For our match against Def. y Justicia.
GK - Magic Hat
LB - Token RB - Russell Crowes Nose CB - Lesbian Lover CB - Missing You More
We manage to eke out a 2-1 win, but not before we lose Wrong Number to injury (both he and Hand of God score). Kindred Spirits works his magic for a "5" again, so he's benched forever at this rate.
Fortunately we have Arriba, Ondelay! back in the line-up for us to go to Nuevo Chicago. Unfortunately we're lacklustre again and can only manage a 0-0.
======================================
15.09.01 Away at another former Premier Division side, Los Andes we take an early lead through Auld Man Ribbon with a peach of a freekick...but then we fall apart. They hammer 4 in before halftime - but not without us having 3 penalty claims all denied, before eventually they get a claim against Token and slap it in. In the second half Wrong Number and Ondelay do the business to pull us back within 1, but their sub striker steps in to put home the 5th as quality tells in the end.
======================================
23.09.01
With our game flagging, I start paying attention to what other teams are setting out. Bloody 5-3-2's innit.
Next game is Ferro visiting our ground. We drew with them twice last year, which is no mean feat because they have a seemingly superb squad.
In the 2nd minute we're lucky not to concede a penalty when Missing You More slams into their striker, Magic Hat then pulls a rabbit out of his arse and performs a series of miracles to keep us in - whilst their striker is booked for diving. Their narkiness continues with a couple more yellows, before we get our first real chance onthe stroke of halftime and Wrong Number rifles in a half-volley.
1-0
Dirty Martini is crippled soon after (in a rare start) meaning Russell Crowes Nose is brought back into the team at RM.
Their striker, clearly still bitter from the earlier barge and dive, gets sent off for a push...after that it's all predictable. Hand of God scores, and they deflect in a corner. 3-0, easy easy easy.
We follow this up with a 2-0 away win over the league whipping boys Italiano.
Unfortunately I am actually unable to output any tables because I get a bug message
We're 1st, after 8 games.
Pld 8, W5, D2, L1, F15, A8
We have a 1pt lead over Espanol and 2pts over Platense and Los Andes. Ferro have 2 games in hand and are 3pts behind.
======================================
30.09.01 The Board injects $625k meaning we're now only $229,224 in debt.
======================================
06.10.01 We draw 2-2 with Alte Brown. Wrong Number twice gives us the lead, twice we get pegged back. From 2 shots on goal. Poofs.
The result leaves us in 4th overall after 9 games.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
Well it has become obvious now that I can't remember how to play this game. So I've managed to find a backup disc of my hard drive from 2002, containing all my super secret hidden stuff including the hallowed 4-2-1-2-1V1.5 and the 5-3-2V1.2 from my rather enjoyable Millwall escapades.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
After the frustrating 2-2 draw with Alte Brown that saw their keeper perform miracles, whilst ours performed more like Jesus after someone knocked sizeable holes in his hands, we have a tactical rethink (details as above).
To give an example of the kind of shittiness that has driven me to this extent...Alte. Browns striker who bagged a brace against us is a "Grey". Oh yes. Those prolific sons of bitches are all greys in fact, apart from a centrehalf and midfielder they've loaned.
We also seemed to concede any half chance heading our way...no more say I!
14.10.01
Arsenal de Sarandi are one of those in the chasing pack along with ourselves. We're away. They score in the first minute. Notably this is usually a bad sign for most teams. For ye olde arrowhead it just means "as you were".
So we stick to our task like dutiful soldiers.
It's notable that we barely win 50% of the tackles and headers we compete for (which is usually a bad sign for the Arrowhead) and indeed we struggle to put the ball forward consistently.
By the 82nd minute I'm slightly concerned, especially after we lost our Captain at halftime. But, as it turns out, Pictures of Alesha (on her debut) isn't that bad a player, and a move that starts up front and ends with Alesha feeding Wrong Number to smash it home. 1-1
Arsenal push forwards...and the death knell sounds. Nobody pushes forward on the Arrowhead.
Auld Man > Pendecho > Wrong Number > Goal!
And Magic Hat deflects their last minute effort just to piss them off even more.
2-1. 'Ave it.
===IN=== At Long Last - 23 Argentinian, DRL - gives us a proper RB and Captain with a veritable plethora of double digit attributes.
Austin Maestro - 22 Argentinian, MRC - a quick, useful midfielder with dribbling skills (not of the retard fashion).
27.10.01
Our next game sees us up against Platense, who we did remarkably well against last season considering they have a striker who should be in the international squad. Showy poof. In fact in terms of players, we're again outclassed. Who picked this team again?
Perhaps suitably we get bummed. They spawn in two shots, and get two goals before Arriba, Ondelay! snatches us back into the game. However they put it back toa 2 goal advantage by making it 3-1 a moment later, only for Austin Maestro on his debut to put it in for 3-2, and then they spawn another in to make it 4-2.
So, in typical fashion - no changes, lets just stick with this and see where it goes?
Arriba, Ondelay pulls us back to 4-3 after the break.
Auld Man Ribbon pulls us back to 4-4.
They spawn in a free kick in the 79th minute...
But we smash home a deserved equaliser in the 90th to piss them right off.
5-5 is a new high scoring record. Too right it is, and a rip off too.
Metropolitan Zone
Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1st San Miguel 11 2 4 0 12 8 4 0 1 12 8 22 2nd Los Andes 11 3 2 0 12 6 3 1 2 15 10 21 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3rd Platense 10 4 1 0 12 2 1 3 1 11 9 19 4th Almagro 10 5 0 0 13 2 1 1 3 7 7 19 5th Ferro 10 5 0 0 10 2 1 1 3 5 7 19 6th Español 10 3 0 2 5 7 2 1 2 8 6 16 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7th Arsenal de Sarandí 10 2 1 2 8 10 3 0 2 6 6 16 8th Nueva Chicago 10 4 1 0 18 5 0 1 4 0 7 14 9th Def. y Justicia 10 4 0 1 7 3 0 0 5 2 17 12 10th Estudiantes (BA) 10 2 1 2 8 8 1 1 3 3 7 11 11th All Boys 10 2 1 2 9 5 1 0 4 5 15 10 12th Italiano 10 1 1 3 1 7 0 0 5 3 11 4 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13th Alte. Brown 10 0 0 5 4 16 0 3 2 4 9 3
03.11.01
We're up against Almagro again. They striker is sent off after 15 minutes for lashing out, but it still doesn't stop these canutes scoring first.
They then follow it up dominating the rest of the first half. Nice. Defensive fooks.
It takes until the 69th minute for us to draw equal with Wrong Number the scorer, and that's how it looks to be finishing. But Auld Man is withdrawn (for being poofed out) and Alesha comes in....and promptly crosses in for Lesbian Lover to head home. 2-1. Seconds later Arriba, Ondelay! slaps home a rebound for a 3-1 win.
Unfortunately we lost our new RB At Long Last for 3 weeks with a twisted knee.
Typical Analysis - 24 Argentinian, MLC - as above.
15.11.01
Belgium sack their manager. I apply for the job. England sack their manager. I apply for the job. Ireland sack their manager. I apply for the job.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.
Well, on the bright side I've solved the scoring problems Stu had, and we'd be even better if their fooking keepers stopped getting in the way
Admittedly 50% of the squad are loan signings and none of the freebies we've brought in are making any impact whatsoever, meanwhile our defence is (on the whole) pants.
I'll try to throw in a stripey arse moment soon Moo.
colony /'kóleni/ n. (pl. -ies-) a a group of settlers, convicts, murderers, buggerers, cow tippers, sheep shaggers, pikies, cockney rebels, Tories, average rugby players, fat cricketers in a new country (regardless or not if it is already inhabited) fully or partly subject to the mother country whether it likes it or not (the mother country, not the colony). b the settlement or its territory.