You're what?

[Moo]

Steepleovski?

Altarboyski?

Bungholio?

[Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey]

narcizo said:

I seem to remember it mentioned that S1ut wasn't exactly innocent in the "grab name player" stakes either, what with him signing Whassisname Huckerby.

I signed wassisname Huckerby once, I think and had him one other time in TD GR when I started a game with Telford (who were the Chelsea of the Conference at the time).

I also signed the Pantylicker once, but other than that it's really a mess of who's about and actually wants to join my collection of tossers.

I believe the "biggest" name I've ever signed remains Emily Chesty at Chita.

[Narcizo]

No you had him at CotD I. I remember it as if I was there.

Either you or Hornet. But I'm pretty sure it was you.

[Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey]

That's quite spooky then. But it wouldn't surprise me. Wassisname Huckerby was a favourite of mine.

Didn't do me much good though.

[Boony]

Aye, you definitely had Huckerby at a CotD. He might have been called Lemon Scented something. Or that might have been someone else.

[Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey]

Scott. Scott Huckerby.

Apparently.

[coffers]

Nice work, Pops, keep it up.

:thumb:

[elth]

I've often signed name player in C/FM but I tend to play more in high profile leagues, I think.

Getting Rivaldo and Zidane, even at 33 and 34 respectively, to Chita was quite an achievement though

Amused you didn't learn your lesson with expiring contracts from the first time around though Pops

[floplexter]

League Cup 3rd Rd
Biggest game to date, and Dallas Ploughboy is injured. Pah.

A v Rangers: 1-2: Champagne Frontage
We hit the bar in the 85th minute! Gah. Healthy Fondlings gets a 4- I'm not sure I've seen a striker get a 4 before.

I get Manager of Month for Jan and ironically, Healthy Fondlings gets Player of Month.

A v Hamilton: 3-0: Hope Springs Infernal (15th) ; Champagne Frontage (20th) ; Massive Moustache

H v Ross County: 4-2: Dallas Ploughboy 2 ; The Mighty Anorak (1st ever) ; Champagne Frontage

I sign Digital Bumhole on a Bosman for next season- SC, 24, SCO, Dundee Utd.

H v Berwick: 3-0: Champagne Frontage 2 ; Cat Girl Tights
Our 68 points is a new division record.

Champagne Frontage gets Feb Player of Month.

H v Alloa: 2-0: Hope Springs Infernal ; Rainy Rock

My loanee, The Mighty Anorak is signed up on a permanent basis for next season, on a Bosman.

Bal Die is linked with a 3M move to Killie. Rather than make no comment, I snigger. He is worth 190k.

A v Dunfermline: 3-1: Hope Springs Infernal ; Skywalker ; Massive Moustache

The fans sing my name as we romp to the Div 1 title.

We sign Nearly a Nonce on a Bozzer from Rangers- 27, NIR, FC.

H v Ayr: 5-1: Hope Springs Infernal 3 (inc 20th) ; Champagen Frontage (50th for club) ; Rainy Rock

Sign Impure Nigel, AMC, 23, SCO, from St Mirren- 325K.

Get Manager of Month for March and Hope Springs gets POM.

A v St Mirren: 4-1: Skywalker ; Champagne Frontage 2 ; Healthy Fondlings

So we've taken the foot of the pedal, clearly...
This win breaks the 100 in our GF column. 7 wins on the trot is a new club record.

H v Falkirk: 2-0: Dallas Ploughboy ; Kitty Jay

Kitty Jay is Unh. Unhappy with his manager. No reason. Just unhappy. And he hates Dallas Ploughboy.

Hate figure or not, Dallas Ploughboy's 29 goals are a new club record.

A v Clyde: 2-3: Dallas Ploughboy 2

As soon as the "Could Motherwell's 28 game unbeaten run be coming to an end?" appears in the commentary, you know you're stuffed.

Alloa and Berwick are relegated.

H v Hamilton: 1-3: Champagne Frontage

Hmm.

A v Ross County: 1-3: Rainy Rock

Oh well, it seems the players have decided to take their foot off the pedal.

Dallas Ploughboy has no less than SIX reasons for being Unh. One of them is being substituted in the last game. There are now 6 players who dislike him. Happily, there are another six who adore Massive Moustache, who in turn adores Ancient Loo Roll, so keep him happy....

It reminds me of the old Speccy game, Doomdark's Revenge. Where the characters each owed allegiance to different lords that you had to use to recruit them.

Anyway, I had enough of his pish and fined him 2 weeks' wages for unprofessional behaviour.

Astonishingly, he agreed and said he'd behave. Down to 5 reasons for Unh.

A v Berwick: 3-1: Healthy Fondlings ; Champagne Frontage ; Erectile Nonsense (1st)

Back on track- I threw in Erectile Nonsense for his first start. He'd been hanging about like a bad smell with rubbish stats, but when deciding to sell him, I checked the coaches and they all thought he was going to come good, so...

I get a massive 250k for romping the division. Yes. Thanks for that.

8.38 ratings from 36 apps by Champagne Frontage is a new division record.

Our 1st in the division is a new record low position for the club.

Goals
31- Dallas Twat ; 28- Champagne Frontage ; 20- Hope Springs Infernal

To have three 20+ scorers is a little insane.

Assists
27- Champagne Frontage ; 14 - Very Banana ; 13- Dallas Buttmuncher

Ratings
8.29 - Champagne Frontage ; 7.92- Dallas Fibblebinge ; 7.63- Hope Springs Infernal.

1st in Division: P36 W27 D5 L4 (3 in the last 4!) F110 A56 Pt86

2nd were Hamilton on 55 points. Yes, a 31 pt gap...

I am, shockingly, First Division Manager of the Year.

Lick my rundles.

[elth]

Very fine work, Pops.

[coffers]

Top hole stuff, Pops the foot off the peddle sndrome is typical of all versions of CM/FM once the champion title is awarded.

:thumb:

[floplexter]

Hope Springs Infernal was voted the Fans' Player of the Year.

The club paid 3M to the shareholders, lucky shareholders and we got 500k tv money.

The board expect us to stay clear of relegation.

A U21 capped French striker is obtained on a free- Donkey Bellow

Rangers are written off in the media, which will give them a good chance of wrestling the title back from the scum-sucking wankfucks in the East End of Glasgow.

I give a trial to former Rangers forward, Toothy Pocket and we head south on a tour of the scummier areas of England. Not Luton, though. Even I have standards.

A v Swindon: 1-0: Brussels Grout
A v Scunthorpe: 1-1: Donkey Bellow

I get a 250k bid for E's A 'Ippo which confuses me a little. He was a yoof last year and I always bring my reserves into preseason to give them runouts. Weirder still, the bid is from said wankfucks. Hmm.

A v Crewe: 1-0: Flumpsville USA
A v Grimsby: 0-3: Grim

Tour ends with some mixed up shenanigans. Dallas Ploughboy almost gets arrested for being lewd on a pedalo in the middle of the night until the police realised he has his mouth taped up and was duck-taped to the thing, which was the cause of the strange writhing and moaning.

H v Darvel: 3-1: Kitty Jay ; E's A 'Ippo ; Skywalker

H v Odra Opole: 3-1: Montrose Brewery 2 ; Dallas Ploughboy
And no, it wasn't Dancey Muppet who got their goal as he's moved to Widzew; it was Caroff Ya Scally.

Our trialist, Toothy Pockets (a recent real life signing of Cardiff) is pure and utter pish.

H v Aachen: 3-2: Trick Baby ; Healthy Fondlings ; Cat Girl Tights

A v Morton: 2-3: Dallas Ploughboy ; Cat Girl Tights

Rangers sign one Michael Xavier Huntly Owen for 7.25M.

And the Premier League kicks off....

H v St.Johnstone: 3-1: Kitty Jay ; E's A 'Ippo (deb) ; Skywalker

Decent enough start against one of the sides who we will be tussling with at the bottom.

I list Montrose Brewery- he's one of those enigmas- lots of great stats and skills, but just doesn't seem to deliver. He's nae happy.

A v Partick T: 1-1: Hope Springs Infernal

H v Aberdeen: 4-3: Hope Springs Infernal 2 ; Massive Moustache ; Dallas Ploughboy
A 93rd minute winner from Dallas.

League Cup
A v Clydebank: 2-0: E's A 'Ippo ; Trick Baby (1st)

A v Rangers: 0-2

We sign Biscuit Steve a Danish B International, D/DMC, 24 for 180k with addons.

My Assman, Col Maver, reports that he believes Dallas Ploughboy had a bad influence on the team during the game at Ibrox.

That's a new one.

H v Dundee Utd: 1-1:Rainy Rock
They equalised in the 94th minute- it's all balance.

H v Livingston: 0-1
Poorest show yet, but I wasn't too disheartened as we were fully CMd. Just as It's a Phase was MOM for Rangers against us, this time Wee Man plays a blinder for Livi in goal. C'est la CM.

A v Kilmarnock: 4-0: Digital Bumhole 2(inc 1st) ; The Mighty Anorak ; E's A 'Ippo

Digital Bumhole breaks his duck.

Decent enough start- I'm aiming for some mid-table respectability.

[coffers]

Nice start even if there were a couple of non-pointers.

mediocrity may be the key this season.

KUTGW! :thumb:

[Sonic]

Nice start there Pops. Generally if your getting your Ass Man saying things like that about players, they're going to start playing up on you. Either get rid, or handle with kid gloves.

:thumb:

[Moo]

Licking your rundles isn't on my To Do list, Pops. apologies. And my pencil is broken.

Unlucky.

A very decent start after an insane First Division season. WTF was going on there. Goals galore.

KUTGW! :thumb:

And your nicks are still amusing me.

[floplexter]

When I lose inspiration on the names, I just glance at my foobar playlist in the background and put a song name in.

I think there's three songs in my starting 11 at the moment...

[floplexter]

After some holidays and all that caboodle, I managed to crank back into CM last night. I have ben mildly distracted by Jedi Outcast to be fair.

So back to Motherwell.

A v Hearts: 1-1: Dallas Ploughboy

A good result, considering Cat Girl Tights was sent off early on.

A v Cellik: 1-3: Nearly a Nonce (1st)
Unsurprising defeat to a squad that is head and shoulders above everything in the league. Solskjaer and Larsson tore us a new bumhole.

A v Aberdeen: 2-2: Nearly a Nonce ; Massive Moustache (p)

A v Hibernian: 0-0

An insane run of away games, which could have gone a lot worse.

H v Dundee: 2-1: Biscuit Steve (1st) ; Nearly a Nonce

Yay! a win!

I loan Slavering Beastie from Watford. A Finnish international (1 cap), AM/FRC, 26. With all the best will in the world, E's An 'Ippo is but young and I need some experience in the hole (fnar fnar).

H v Partick T: 2-1: The Mighty Anorak ; Rainy Rock

A v Dundee Utd: 2-1: Digital Bumhole ; Slavering Beastie (1st)

H v Rangers: 2-1: Slavering Beastie ; Massive Moustache(p)
Thanks to Klos being ordered off and the resultant peno slotted home. Decent win.

On the strenght of three performances, Kilmarnock put in a 1.2M bid for Slavering Beastie to Watford. I put in 1M, plus 300k in addons and get him from under their noses.

A v St.Johnstone: 3-0: The Mighty Anorak ; Hope Springs Infernal ; Slavering Beastie (1st again)

I make no comment on press reports that we are title contenders- the press clearly haven't seen the league table.

Hearts offer Ancient Loo Roll a contract. Despite him not wanting a new one, I offer him a new one, which he signs. He has been awesome this season.

H v Hearts: 1-1: Solitude (1st)

League Cup QF
H v Rangers: 1-0: Biscuit Steve

We draw Cellik in the SF and I get Manager of the Month for November.

A v Livingston: 3-3: Dallas Ploughboy ; E's A Ippo
This game came close to the previous one, hence Dallas getting his first game for yonks, due to tiredness from other players. And he scored 2. Hum.

H v Kilmarnock: 3-1: Skywalker ; Biscuit Steve ; Hope Springs Infernal

A v Dundee: 2-2: Slavering Beastie 2
Good result, this- Dundee are right up there challenging, with the likes of Hartson and Maloney leading their potent front line.

H v Cellik: 3-4: Brussels Grout ; Hope Springs Infernal ; Rainy Rock
Classic case of "we score, they score immediately back". No chance, really.

Both Erectile Nonsense and Dallas Ploughboy announce they are leaving at the end of their contracts. Shame, really. Dallas has goals to burn, but is an anus.

So after 21 games in the SPL:
1- Smellik, 52pts ; 2- Rangers 47pts ; 3- Dundee 37 pts ; 4- Motherwell- W9 D8 L4 F40 A30 Pts35 ; 5- Aberdeen 33pts.

So, not too bad. I'm glad that relegation is not an issue and we've done enough already to perhaps secure mid-table respectability. St Johnstone are way adrift at the bottom and will need a miracle to stay up.

I might try for a squad rundown tonight.

[coffers]

That's a fine update Pops. It may take a bit of time to challenge the bum bouys for the title though.

KUTGW! :thumb:

[Moo]

52 pts from a possible 63 for the Unwashed? Dear me, that's outrageous.

Obviously nobody tries in this league. :moose:

[Sonic]

That's a good update there Pops :thumb:

[floplexter]

La Squadra- Motherwell 2007

At least, I think it's 2007. Playing a 2-3-2-1-2

Goaltenders
Ancient Loo Roll - SCO ; 31 ; 875k
First choice at the moment, despite some attempts to prise him away from us. Solid and turns in the occasional stormer of a performance.

Lank Piper - ENG ; 19; 130k
And I paid close to a million for him. 2nd choice at the moment, only because the incumbent has rarely put a foot wrong. Will step up and be awesome, of that I have no doubt.

Middlesex Jam - ENG; 23; 90k
First reserve- just gone out on loan to Morton

Russ Scabbott - SCO; 19; 55k
Second reserve- got onto the bench recently- from the yoofs

------------

AWAY! merchants
Arab Ship - SCO; 33; D/M LC ; 500k
Just pissed me off highly by signing a Bozzer with Partick, despite being first choice for one and a half seasons- wouldn't entertain a new contract. His loss- Partick look to be on the way down. Won't kick a ball for me again, despite being my second highest rated player. Nonce

Bal Die - SCO; 24; D/M C; 375k
A decent player, suffering from having slightly better players in front of him. Hasn't played yet this season- potentially could be on his way if he wants

Biscuit Steve - DEN; 24; D/DMC; 825k
Recent acquisition who has got into the first team and stayed there. Solid and dependable, goes on mazy runs from his DMC spot

Brussels Grout - SWE; 23; D/DM RL; 350k
The consumate sub because of his versatility, he just doesn't seem to be able to grab a starting slot, due to lack of consistency. Still potential to improve that, though

Cat Girl Tights - SCO; 27; DMC; 375k
Had high hopes for him and he was the incumbent DMC until he was sent off then injured, allowing Biscuit Steve in to nick his spot. Still there to step in

Consonantless - FRA; 30; DRC; 775k
Stalwart for a season and a half, he is the other part of the experienced back 2 that I used to get us into the SPL. Still plays a lot, but younger guys now coming in more and more.

Curried Todger - SWE; 34; SW/D C; 22k
Not sure he's ever played- not sure he will. He is here on the strength of his coaching skills.

Dimeball Rivet - SCO; 24; D/DMC; 600k
Not quite lived up to his hype and now 3rd in the pecking order for the holding role, but does make the bench occasionally

Hairless Plunder - SCO; 24; D/DMRC; 250k
A signing from Kilmarnock, with lots expected. Not really had his chance until recently, when a good run of performances has seen him vying with Kitty Jay for the starting DMR role.

No S for Free - SWE; 21; DR; 150k
A fullback, yes. Why he's still here? Not sure, other than the fact that the coaches think the sun shines out of his arse. There is no reserve league in the SPL, so no reserve games. Tried to retrain him to centre, but he wasn't having it. I might try him on the DMR before he needs executed.

Poofy Offspring - SWE; 21; D/M C; 275k
Reserve. Not played and purchased solely on the strength of a stonking scout report.

Skywalker - SCO; 24; D/DML; 1.2M
He my man. The incumbent DML now, he has won the place off Very Banana and is making it his own- strong runner, great crosser and freekick expert.

Solitude - POR; 23; DC; 170k
Just recently muscled into the DC role, a contributory factor to Arab Ship's pissed-offedness. Strong, solid, great header of the ball and has starting making his presence felt in attack at set pieces too. Can't believe he's only worth 170k. Weird.

Son of the Carpenter - SCO; 21; D RLC; 275k
A Scottish U21 regular, he's only just made his way into the first team proper. His stamina is poor and he can't do 2 games a week and he is also a little suspect discipline-wise.

------------------------

Purveyors of Silky Skills
Derek's Socks - SCO; 23; AM/F R; 800k
Was one of my lads when I took over before a horrendous injury put him out until relatively recently. He's struggled to get back into a side that is performing quite well, but is only 23 so has a chance.

E's A Ippo - SCO; 19; AM/F C; 240k
Subject of much interest from the Unwashed as a budding yoof, he started the season in fine fettle but has since dropped to the bench as he started to flag. Stil heavily involved and one for the future.

Flumpsville USA - ENG; 27; MRC; 1M
Decent player, suffering from being down the orders in the fight for the 2 midfield slots. Still in with a shout

Gunmin - SCO; 17; AM RL; 50k
A yoof. Unplayed

Impure Nigel - SCO; 23; AM C; 400k
Bought as cover for the Hole. Not involved much yet.

Kitty Jay - SWE; 24; AM RC; 500k
Weird. Shows how much you learn from a squad list. I thought he was a long-in-the-tooth type, but he's only 24. Hmm. Was first choice at DMR until recently, when ousted by Hairless Plunder, but still heavily involved.

Massive Moustache - SCO; 27; MRC; 1.1M
Stalwart at MC, captain, penalty-taker (until he recently missed one) and all-round good egg. half a dozen of the squad adore him, so any annoyance of him would be a bad thing.

Slavering Beastie - FIN; 26, AM/F RC; 1M
Recent purchase from Watford, now the first choice Holer. Creative and stylish. Me likee long time

Soup Kitchen Control - SCO; 20; AM RL; 190k
Yoof. No idea of him

The Mighty Anorak - SCO; 22; M C; 500k
Incumbent alongside Massive Moustache in the MC role. Creative and mazy runs a speciality. Young genius.

Trick Baby - SCO; 25; M C; 1.4M
Wow, is he really worth that? Sheesh. Currently warming the bench as first replacement in the MC.

Very Banana - SCO; 28; AM LC; 450k
Was incumbent DML, now losing his place a little to others. Still can turn it on big style from time to time.


Shootie in the Goal People
Dallas Ploughboy - SCO; 24; SC; 800k
Ah, Dallas, Dallas, Dallas, my boy. A goal machine. An international. A twat. On his way, sadly in some ways, though it will please a lot of the squad. You can't argue with his gatrillions of goals, though. All the best to him

Digital Bumhole - SCO; 25; SC; 1.4M
Didn't realise he was worth that. Hmm. Well, he gets games, but on a rotational kind of basis, as he isn't as consistent as the likes of Dallas. Decent, solid, not a superstar I hoped he was.

Donkey Bellow - FRA; 23; SC; 1M
Ex French U21 star- not had much of a chance yet, truth be told. Waiting in the wings.

Erectile Nonsense - SCO; 24; SC; 375k
Never really got into the side and is on his way on a Bozzer

Grizzly P - SCO; 31; F RLC; 100k
Reserve as he's a tit

Healthy Fondlings - CHI; 25; SC; 650k
My one non-EU, which is a bit of a pain in the harris, to be honest, as he needs to play to keep his work permit up. I remember this problem from years ago. Still, he blows hot and cold, but when he's hot, he's scorching

Hope Springs Infernal - SWE; 25; F RLC; 635k
My main man. And a sin that he is only valued at 625k. He is the one shoe-in up front, if he is available and he delivers consistently. Probably winner of most player of month awards in the squad too.

Montrose Brewery - SCO; 28; FC; 950k
950k! I had such high hopes for him, but he never fulfilled the dream promise his stats suggested. On the list, wanted by several clubs, but no bids.

Nearly a Nonce - NIR; 28; FC; 700k
Close season signing from Rangers, he's just getting into his stride and popping in some goals. Used on a rota basis.

Rainy Rock - ENG; 26; SC; 625k
Scores lots, but only in between injuries, for which he is a bit of a magnet. Regular rotational striker

Willie! Willie! Way! - SCO; 22; SC; 475k
Ex-yoof. Unplayed

----------------------------------
Couple of games.

A v Hibernian: 2-2: Consonantless (1st Ever!); Brussels Grout
With Ancient Loo Roll sent off in the 82nd minute and the resultant penalty converted, we were lucky with the draw

H v Aberdeen: 3-2: Slavering Beastie 3
Hat-trick! Yay. I detect a wavering in the ranks and a tailspin on the way. No reason in particular, just one of those CM things. Happily, we have enough of a cushion to avoid relegation.

The board are happy with everything and think Slavering Beastie is an essential squad member. Long may it last.

Slavering Beastie's hat-trick earns him Player of the Month.

Avaunt.

[coffers]

You seem to get a lot of away draws, push them into wins and you'd be flying.

A non-loss update which can't be bad.

KUTGW! :thumb:

[Moo]

Nice squad rundown, Pops, some of which should be run down, it appears.

Avaunt! indeed...

[Sonic]

Same as Moo and Coffers, though the lack of goals is suspicious. Is it really Pops who is playing? It better be

:thumb:

[floplexter]

Managed to squeezify a couple of games in.

A v Partick T: 4-2: Hope Springs Infernal ; Rainy Rock ; Derek's Socks (1st ever) ; Kitty Jay

Nice win, though admittedly against the bottom side.

Dallas Ploughboy agrees a Bozzer to St.Johnstone, who are only a point above Partick. If they go down, there will be some laughing off of my ass.

H v St.Johnstone: 2-2: Slavering Beastie ; Healthy Fondlings

CUP
H v Hearts: 3-1: Hope Springs Infernal 2 ; Rainy Rock
Good win. And we draw St Johnstone in the next round.

A v Hearts: 2-1: Healthy Fondlings ; Slavering Beastie.

I get Manager of the Month for January.

H v Dundee Utd: 2-3: Trick Baby ; Slavering Beastie
Disappointing. They are a point behind us now and we slip to 4 points behind Dundee.

A v Rangers: 3-2: Healthy Fondlings 2 (1 p) ; Slavering Beastie
We got a last minute peno- yay! Owen scored their 2.

Ancient Loo Roll is injured in that one for 3 weeks. Be nice for him to have a rest and for Lank Piper to start paying back his fee.
We pay Watford 170k for 10 league apps from Slavering Beasties.

I tie up a load of contracts on long-term deals, most with still 18 months or so to run. Massive Moustache has 4 reasons to be happy, which is nice.

League Cup Semi-final
N v Cellik (at Ibrox): 2-3: Hairless Plunder (1st ever) ; Healthy Fondlings
This, despite them being down to ten men from the 59th minute. They scored a 93rd minute winner. It's going to be nigh on impossible to smash into them, I think. They have Sutton, Larsson and Solskjaer up front and the likes of Hargreaves in the middle.

Oh well.

Still expecting some backlash. Nice to see Healthy Fondlings start to make a mark. Both he and Rainy Rock have moved ahead of Digital Bumhole in the pecking order.