Post by hornet on Aug 30, 2006 0:24:53 GMT
Oh, how long, I ask, how long have I waited for this? How LONG?
It's a dream come true, the culmination of long-held fantasy, the moment my life has been leading up to. Never could I have hoped in my moments of wildest optimism that this time might actually be upon me!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Finally. After all these years. My favourite team - the New York Jets - are so horribly, lamentably bad that I can actually write a franchise story about them!
God bless you, Terry Bradway! God bless you, Herman Edwards! God bless us, every one!
Ahem.
So. Let's have a little look at the raw material, shall we?
OFFENCE
QUARTERBACK
Come! Come see the parade of mediocrity! Fifty million dollars over the next five years invested in a passer who's proved about as durable as a blown-glass baseball bat, backed up by a man who couldn't keep his job over the 400-year old Mark Brunell, a rookie scrambler and Wee Brooks Bollinger. I've had worse personnel under centre, mentioning (McCown) no (Frerotte) names (Griese), and at least we've four semi-competent players, but there's nothing here that's going to set the world on fire. The glaring problem is that each of the quarterbacks has something important they're obviously lacking, be it arm strength (Chad Pennington, OVR 86), accuracy (Patrick Ramsey, OVR 77), field vision (Kellen Clemens, OVR 76) or, you know, talent (Bollinger, OVR 71). Sigh. Nice one, Bradway.
RUNNING BACK
Come! Come see the parade of mediocrity! Twenty-one million dollars over the next four years invested in a halfback who's barely capable of getting out of a walk at this stage of his career, backed up by three players within 2 OVR points of each other. At 33, future Hall Of Famer Curtis Martin (OVR 91) is now the sort of back who's almost entirely dependant on the quality of his blocking - if there's a hole there, he'll get through it for a decent gain and won't cough the ball up. Cedric Houston (OVR 77) is Mini-Martin, a crapper, decade-younger version of the veteran. Long-time Chief Derrick Blaylock (OVR 76) and rookie Leon Washington (OVR 75) represent a change of pace - both quick, slashing runners who'll try and make defenders miss rather than crash through tackles. All the runners other than Martin look to be a teensy bit fumble-prone, which is less than ideal. The only fullback on the roster is 3rd-year player BJ Askew (OVR 75), who's a decent-ish runner - oh good, that'll be handy if the other four of those we've got all get injured - but whose blocking is more than a bit sub-par. Which might be a problem, seeing as blocking is all he's in the team to do. Sigh, once again. Another nice one, Bradway.
WIDE RECEIVER
Come! Come see the parade of mediocrity! Twenty-five million dollars over the next four years invested in an undersized malcontent whose single obvious skill is running under the deep ball that our starting quarterback is in no way capable of throwing. Former Titan Justin McCareins (OVR 80) is a bit more talented than youngsters Jerricho Cotchery (OVR 75), Brad Smith (OVR 72) and Dante Ridgeway (OVR 69), but only a bit. The roster is rounded off by newly-signed return specialist Tim Dwight (OVR 73), who you might (rightly) suspect New England wouldn't have let go had he actually been any good. Basically, once you're past Laverneus Coles (OVR 90), we go five deep in competent possession receivers with slightly suspect hands. Was there a bloody sale on somewhere or what? Sigh III, Sigh Harder. Nicest one so far, Bradway.
TIGHT END
Come! Come see the... is anyone spotting a pattern emerging, here? Still, at least we're not spunking away huge piles of cash on any of our Ho-Hum-He'll-Do-I-S'pose tight ends. The nominal starter is Doug Jolley (OVR 80), who was picked up from the Raiders in exchange for the Jets' 1st round pick in the 2005 draft. Bargain. Jolley's a pure receiver - decently quick for a tight end and with the best hands on the team after Laverneus Coles. Chris Baker (OVR 79) isn't quite as good downfield but is a somewhat better blocker, to the extent that I might think of using him as an H-back type in BJ Askew's place. Second-year player Joel Dreessen (OVR 70) is a OK pass-catcher but has the graceful speed and elegant running style of Mike Holmgren in snowshoes. Carrying Andy Reid on his back. Yep, that's three primarily pass-catching tight ends and a primarily pass-catching fullback on a team whose featured runner desperately needs good blockers in front of him. Sigh IV - Return Of The Sigh. Slightly less nice than the one before, but still fairly nice one, Bradway.
OFFENSIVE LINE
Come! Come see... oh, hang on, actually this isn't too bad. First-round rookies D'Brickashaw Ferguson (OVR 85) and Nick Mangold (OVR 83) will anchor the line from left tackle and centre respectively. Between them is savvy veteran and former Watch The Birdie stalwart Pete Kendall (OVR 88), who'll definitely do. Fourth-year player Brandon Moore (OVR 86) fills the right guard spot, and it's only the right tackle spot that obviously needs upgrading, although Adrian Jones (OVR 79) is only in his third season and it's possible he might grow into the role. Depth is provided in the interior by ex-Eagle centre/guard Trey Teague (OVR 86) who in theory is ahead of Mangold on the depth chart but will probably be ousted before the end of preseason, while the backup tackle is another old mate, Anthony Clement (OVR 78). Sean Morley (LG, OVR 64), Isaac Snell (RG, OVR 68) and Marko Cavka (RT, OVR 59) are just warm bodies to fill out the roster. The line as it stands is built primarily for run-blocking and while obviously not elite, it probably starts the season as the team's strongest unit. Yay! NICE one, Bradway! Um... except forty percent of the line was post-you. Still, take your upsides where you can get them, eh?
It's a dream come true, the culmination of long-held fantasy, the moment my life has been leading up to. Never could I have hoped in my moments of wildest optimism that this time might actually be upon me!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Finally. After all these years. My favourite team - the New York Jets - are so horribly, lamentably bad that I can actually write a franchise story about them!
God bless you, Terry Bradway! God bless you, Herman Edwards! God bless us, every one!
Ahem.
So. Let's have a little look at the raw material, shall we?
OFFENCE
QUARTERBACK
Come! Come see the parade of mediocrity! Fifty million dollars over the next five years invested in a passer who's proved about as durable as a blown-glass baseball bat, backed up by a man who couldn't keep his job over the 400-year old Mark Brunell, a rookie scrambler and Wee Brooks Bollinger. I've had worse personnel under centre, mentioning (McCown) no (Frerotte) names (Griese), and at least we've four semi-competent players, but there's nothing here that's going to set the world on fire. The glaring problem is that each of the quarterbacks has something important they're obviously lacking, be it arm strength (Chad Pennington, OVR 86), accuracy (Patrick Ramsey, OVR 77), field vision (Kellen Clemens, OVR 76) or, you know, talent (Bollinger, OVR 71). Sigh. Nice one, Bradway.
RUNNING BACK
Come! Come see the parade of mediocrity! Twenty-one million dollars over the next four years invested in a halfback who's barely capable of getting out of a walk at this stage of his career, backed up by three players within 2 OVR points of each other. At 33, future Hall Of Famer Curtis Martin (OVR 91) is now the sort of back who's almost entirely dependant on the quality of his blocking - if there's a hole there, he'll get through it for a decent gain and won't cough the ball up. Cedric Houston (OVR 77) is Mini-Martin, a crapper, decade-younger version of the veteran. Long-time Chief Derrick Blaylock (OVR 76) and rookie Leon Washington (OVR 75) represent a change of pace - both quick, slashing runners who'll try and make defenders miss rather than crash through tackles. All the runners other than Martin look to be a teensy bit fumble-prone, which is less than ideal. The only fullback on the roster is 3rd-year player BJ Askew (OVR 75), who's a decent-ish runner - oh good, that'll be handy if the other four of those we've got all get injured - but whose blocking is more than a bit sub-par. Which might be a problem, seeing as blocking is all he's in the team to do. Sigh, once again. Another nice one, Bradway.
WIDE RECEIVER
Come! Come see the parade of mediocrity! Twenty-five million dollars over the next four years invested in an undersized malcontent whose single obvious skill is running under the deep ball that our starting quarterback is in no way capable of throwing. Former Titan Justin McCareins (OVR 80) is a bit more talented than youngsters Jerricho Cotchery (OVR 75), Brad Smith (OVR 72) and Dante Ridgeway (OVR 69), but only a bit. The roster is rounded off by newly-signed return specialist Tim Dwight (OVR 73), who you might (rightly) suspect New England wouldn't have let go had he actually been any good. Basically, once you're past Laverneus Coles (OVR 90), we go five deep in competent possession receivers with slightly suspect hands. Was there a bloody sale on somewhere or what? Sigh III, Sigh Harder. Nicest one so far, Bradway.
TIGHT END
Come! Come see the... is anyone spotting a pattern emerging, here? Still, at least we're not spunking away huge piles of cash on any of our Ho-Hum-He'll-Do-I-S'pose tight ends. The nominal starter is Doug Jolley (OVR 80), who was picked up from the Raiders in exchange for the Jets' 1st round pick in the 2005 draft. Bargain. Jolley's a pure receiver - decently quick for a tight end and with the best hands on the team after Laverneus Coles. Chris Baker (OVR 79) isn't quite as good downfield but is a somewhat better blocker, to the extent that I might think of using him as an H-back type in BJ Askew's place. Second-year player Joel Dreessen (OVR 70) is a OK pass-catcher but has the graceful speed and elegant running style of Mike Holmgren in snowshoes. Carrying Andy Reid on his back. Yep, that's three primarily pass-catching tight ends and a primarily pass-catching fullback on a team whose featured runner desperately needs good blockers in front of him. Sigh IV - Return Of The Sigh. Slightly less nice than the one before, but still fairly nice one, Bradway.
OFFENSIVE LINE
Come! Come see... oh, hang on, actually this isn't too bad. First-round rookies D'Brickashaw Ferguson (OVR 85) and Nick Mangold (OVR 83) will anchor the line from left tackle and centre respectively. Between them is savvy veteran and former Watch The Birdie stalwart Pete Kendall (OVR 88), who'll definitely do. Fourth-year player Brandon Moore (OVR 86) fills the right guard spot, and it's only the right tackle spot that obviously needs upgrading, although Adrian Jones (OVR 79) is only in his third season and it's possible he might grow into the role. Depth is provided in the interior by ex-Eagle centre/guard Trey Teague (OVR 86) who in theory is ahead of Mangold on the depth chart but will probably be ousted before the end of preseason, while the backup tackle is another old mate, Anthony Clement (OVR 78). Sean Morley (LG, OVR 64), Isaac Snell (RG, OVR 68) and Marko Cavka (RT, OVR 59) are just warm bodies to fill out the roster. The line as it stands is built primarily for run-blocking and while obviously not elite, it probably starts the season as the team's strongest unit. Yay! NICE one, Bradway! Um... except forty percent of the line was post-you. Still, take your upsides where you can get them, eh?