|
Post by hornet on Sept 8, 2006 2:08:26 GMT
And I really should have called the thread "Suffer A Jet City". Oh well.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Sept 8, 2006 7:39:11 GMT
Good updates and well done on the job front.
KUTGW! :thumb:
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Sept 8, 2006 8:20:23 GMT
Bye Week Stats ahoy!
Oh how we all love this time of the season. I read the whole lot, of course, like any statistician or helmetball fan should. I can see the numbers, say "Ooh, that's a lot", can understand why you're telling us these things, nod in the right places, but still have no fooking clue as to what it all means.
I suppose that's the point of statistics.
So for that, you get a :thumb: and a :moose:
And GL in the new job, I hope this Helmetball thread suffers horrifically as a result.
|
|
|
Post by Boony on Sept 8, 2006 8:52:39 GMT
What's the job? And what is it with you and unemployment? I seem to remember 2 or 3 spells since I've known you. I mean, someone like Narkle can shirk work for a good 4 years and not get the elbow.... Sorry if I'm asking too much, btw.
KUTGW! I like your Madden franchise stories, and this one's no different. What happened to your right hand man, the mysterious voice from the unknown? Did you kill him?
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Sept 8, 2006 9:17:13 GMT
He plays Cornerback for the Patriots.
|
|
|
Post by hornet on Sept 8, 2006 9:35:01 GMT
I just seem to have an uncanny knack for being employed by the incompetent, insane or amoral, Boo. And in one case, all three at once. In two of my last three jobs I was eased out of the door while the company quietly folded in my wake because of horrible mismanagement (like hiring me, f'rinstance), and in my last one the lovely pleasant team of bosses who hired me were bulletted two weeks after I joined the firm, to be replaced by a scheming, bullying, loudmouthed, borderline-evil Essex wideboy scumbag.
We never really hit it off.
The new job's not especially interesting - customer support for a firm who make alarm signalling devices - but the price is right and, conveniently, the company are five minutes down the road from the hospital Mrs. Horn works at, just as she's going from having to do crazy antisocail nurse-type shifts to working normal, regular office hours.
So that's nice. Cheers all, anyway.
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Sept 8, 2006 9:45:40 GMT
Nice one. I thought all employers were: incompetent, insane and/or amoral. :checkit:
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 8, 2006 9:54:37 GMT
Alarm signalling? Is that some guy looking surprised and waving his arms?
If it is, I'm sure the guy will welcome the time off, now that you're there to just bellow out "Alarm... Alarm! ALARM!"
Congratulations, anyway.
|
|
|
Post by Boony on Sept 8, 2006 10:47:00 GMT
Incompetent, insane and amoral - yep, I can find boss-type people to fit all three in this place. Anyway, good luck Horn, sounds like a handy place to work if nothing else. Hope the world of alarm signalling treats you well.
|
|
|
Post by hornet on Sept 12, 2006 23:40:54 GMT
Week 10 GAME OF THE WEEK - New York Jets (5-3) @ New England Patriots (6-2)
Yay for game of the weekiness!
Tedy Bruschi is out for the Patriots, which gives us a glimmer of hope that our running game will perform marginally better than the 39 yards we racked up in Week 2 at our gaff. Just a glimmer, mind.
On the first play of the game, the Vilmachine tackles Corey Dillon and then immediately comes to the sideline with a head injury. Oh. My. God. It turns out to be just a pinched nerve, however, and he's back on the field after both teams have exchanged three-and-outs. Ben "Chuck Another Tinnie On The Barbie" Graham's punt was a what he'd no doubt describe as "a ripper", though, sailing into coffin corner and bounding out of bounds at the New England 4.
Not that it helps, mind.
The Patriots aren't running the ball at all, but we can't get any pressure and Tom Brady's sytematically picking our slightly iffy secondary apart. Rookie Chad Jackson in particular seems to be open at will and gets behind Justin Miller for a 38-yard pickup to our 19. Brady goes the other way, Deion Branch making the catch to give the Pats a first down at our 2, but two Dillon runs are stuffed and when Brady goes looking for Branch at the back of the endzone the receiver just fails to get his outside foot down in bounds. Paul Edinger knocks over a 20-yard field goal and to be honest we've dodged a bit of a bullet. NYJ 0-3 NE
The kickoff goes to Justin Miller, standing on the right-hand numbers just outside the 10. He races toward the middle of the field where his blocks are setting up. Miller slaloms right through the traffic and pops out the other side. With a couple of Patriots in hot pursuit he just outruns the coverage to the left sideline, just avoids stepping out of bounds and just beats the coverage all the way back to the endzone - his second 89-yard TD return in as many games. Eat your heart out, Dante Hall! NYJ 7-3 NE
Brady picks up where he left off, spraying the ball around and moving his team effortlessly up the field. Three catches - one by tight end Daniel Graham and two for Chad Jackson - and the Patriots have gone from their 30 to our 9, but there their offensive juggernaut hits a Jonathon Vilma-shaped roadblock. He sacks Brady on first and goal, knocks down a pass headed for Graham on second down and the third down play is a jump-ball lofted to the back-right corner of the endzone. Deion Branch goes up for it, but David Barrett comes down with it. Quack quack oops! Touchback.
They get another chance quickly, though, three runs netting zero yards and seeing Curtis Martin heading for the locker-room with pain in his shoulder. The punt's once again inside the ten, but the territorial advantage lasts for exactly two plays - second and inches at the 17, the toss play goes to Dillon who crashes through attempted tackles by No-Mark and Victor Hobson, Erik Coleman bounces off him and 83 yards later we're behind again. Nice going, Number 1 Rush Defence In The NFL! NYJ 7-10 NE
We manage exactly no more first downs in the rest of the half, while the Patriots are moving the ball well but can't quite convert it to points - first an Eric Barton sack forces a punt instead of a long field goal, then after a long drive into our red zone, Brady once again tries a jump-ball toward Branch and once again sees Buckethands Barrett take it away - after no interceptions in his first seven games, No-Mark's now had three in the last two. Halftime, and it's fair to say the scoreline flatters us a teeny tiny bit. New England have managed 274 yards of total offence - we're just a fraction under that with, um, 50 yards. NYJ 7-10 NE
-
Curtis Martin has strained his shoulder, he'll be out at least two weeks. Erk.
The kickoff goes to Justin Miller, standing on the right-hand numbers just outside the 10. Stop me if you've heard this one before, but he races toward the middle of the field where his blocks are setting up. Miller slaloms right through the traffic and pops out the other side. With a couple of Patriots in hot pursuit he just outruns the coverage to the left sideline, just avoids stepping out of bounds and just... ah, no, not this time. He's run down from behind by Ellis Hobbs, and it's just a 77 yard return, first down at the Pats 14. Kellen Clemens hits C-Mart's replacement - second-year back Cedric Houston - out of the backfield for the touchdown and we're back in the lead. Wahey! NYJ 14-10 NE
We're still having some trouble getting any heat on Brady, and when he's got time he's taking us to pieces. As is his wont. 4 plays move New England 44 yards, but then the irresistable force hits an immovable object, Jonathon Vilma dragging down Akali Smith's favourite target, Daniel Graham, inches short of the first down on a 3rd and 10. Edinger drags a 52-yard figgie try just too far to the right.
We miss the chance to pretty much put the game in the bag when four runs set the Patriots up for the play-pass. Doug Jolley finds clear daylight ahead of him when he's allowed to race upfield unchallenged on a skinny corner pattern, but when the perfectly lofted ball drops into his hands, the big galoot shells it. Nuts. No pun intended. New England get the ball back, and once again drive into field-goal range mostly thanks to Reche Caldwell escaping up the sideline for an extremely annoying 28 yards on 3rd and 14. But for the second posession on the run Paul Edinger misses a 52-yard attempt, and somehow the Pats have failed to score again.
We've dodged more bullets today than Ted "Theodore" Logan did at the end of The Matrix.
Never mind, boys, have another go! Kellen Clemens is picked off looking for Laverenues Coles over the middle, the idiot. Fortunately New England just seem to be having one of those days, Daniel Graham making a short catch over the middle before he's spun down by Victor Hobson. The ball bounces loose, safety Kerry Rhodes falls on it and we've got a first down inside the Patriot 30. Remember me saying in the Bye Spectacular Stat Week how there were cheaper ways of getting 3.5 yards a carry than Curtis Martin? Well, meet Cedric Houston. He rumbles us to the goal-line at four yards a pop, and new boy Rickey Dudley grabs his first TD as a Jet from all of three yards. Five minutes to play, and this one's almost done and dusted. NYJ 21-10 NE
With strong emphasis on the almost. As the old saying goes, there's many a slip 'twixt cup and lip, or specifically 'twixt leading by eleven with five minutes to play and actually taking posession of the division lead. It's all going right when we get New England to 3rd and 14. But the last time we had them in a 3rd and long, they... ah. It all goes Groundhog Day when slot man Zuriel Smith gets free for 30 yards, first down at our 40. Grr. They should just take a bloody knee on the first two downs, they really should. Naturally, Corey Dillon chooses this moment to wake up, going straight up the middle and through every player on my defence for a 40-yard score. In the "small mercies" category, the Vilmachine cuts CD down behind the line on the 2-point try, but even so suddenly this has gotten decidedly squeaky. 3:39 left on the clock. NYJ 21-16 NE
It gets decidedly squeakier a minute and a half later, when two runs net us a total of -3 yards and an ill-advised throw on 3rd down to try and ice the game have us punting for the fifth time today. Ben "This Is Not A Wine For Drinking, This Is A Wine For Laying Down And Avoiding" Graham continues his storming day though, and a big 50-yard blooter (it's an industry term) pins New England back at their 5. And that's the two minute warning.
And here we go again. Tom Brady's got all the time in the world in the pocket, and what does that mean, children! Yes! That's right! All together now... HE'S PICKING US TO PIECES! Corey Dillon out of the backfield to the 17. Deion Branch for 6, Chad Jackson for 5 more and a first down... they've got three timeouts left and if we don't slow them down we're going to have miraculously found a way to get beaten, here. So iiiiiiiiiiit's blitz time! Scourge of quarterback jawlines everywhere Jonathon Vilma comes off one edge, nickelback Andre Dyson comes off the other, they have a meeting scheduled in a approximately two seconds' time... aaad Brady gets rid of the ball in the nick of time, floating it out to personal thorn in my personal side Chad Jackson, who - oh God - stiffarms Justin Miller and - oh God oh God - takes of downfield - oh God oh God oh God - outrunning Erik Coleman all the way home for a 72 yard score to put New England ahead. Justin Miller makes tiny, tiny fractional amends by knocking down a pass headed for Jackson for the 2-point conversion but I've got a bad, bad feeling about this. 1:09 left. NYJ 21-22 NE
Only one timeout left, but the hell with it, we've plenty of time. Plenty of time. I believe that. A sneaky draw on first down gets us out to our own 43, under a minute on the clock, maybe 30 yards to get to give the Nuge - 100% on kicks this year, lest we forget - a chance to win this bugger for us. Three wideouts - Coles, McCareins, Cotchery - one tight end and Houston at halfback, up against the New England nickel package. Ball's snapped, Clemens drops back, surveys the field and sees Cedric Houston racing up the sideline with a step on his defender. The rookie quarterback draws back his arm, lets fly... and drops the pass three yards too short, interception by Peter Boulware, and somehow we've done it. We've managed to wring spectacular and humiliating defeat from the jaws of victory.
Oh. My. God.
Tom Brady had 385 yards, Chad "Bloody" Jackson catching 197 of them. Tack on 153 yards for Corey Dillon and Kellen Clemens' 7 of 21, 63 yard, 2 TD 2 INT performance and it's... well, to paraphrase the words of Patches O'Houlihan, New England were too good and we sucked something awful. And yet, and yet, we got within a minute-thirty of winning that utter lash-up. Still, I suppose you could say that justice was done in the end. Or you could say "pass the asprin". Or indeed, just "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"
Yeah, I think that last one sums it up best. NYJ 21-22 NE
|
|
|
Post by elth on Sept 12, 2006 23:52:53 GMT
To be fair, Horn, it would have be daylight highway bank robbery if you'd got out of that with a win.
KUTHLW!
(heroically losing)
|
|
|
Post by coffers on Sept 13, 2006 7:52:10 GMT
You must have been gutted to have got so close, even though the Patriots deserved the win. It was a damned fine attempt anyway.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Sept 13, 2006 8:10:58 GMT
Don't mess with the big boys, Hornet.
To be fair though, it was a damned fine effort against a team that deserved to win. Now i'm not one to kick anyone when they're so obviously down, but, what happens if Jonathan "I'm not the only Jet, honest" Vilma dislocates an eyeball or something? You're fooked, right?
KUTSTMWFMLW! (Still Too Many Wins For My Liking) :thumb:
|
|
|
Post by Narcizo on Sept 13, 2006 8:16:54 GMT
Aye, if you were serious about this rebuilding business you'd trade Mrs Rubble to someone or other for a #1 pick, rather than pussy-footing around with getting rid of rubbishy players.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 13, 2006 8:21:10 GMT
Shouldn't it be Mrs Flintstone? Or were they swingers?
Unlucky Gorn - even in my old Divots franchise, when I was caning the Patriots, Brady would always do enough to keep games close, which was annoying.
I vote we punch Patriots Coach™ in the balls. Baz first.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Sept 13, 2006 9:06:41 GMT
Baz wouldn't punch them, he'd lick them.
|
|
|
Post by hornet on Sept 16, 2006 16:33:24 GMT
Week 11 - Chicago Bears (4-5) @ New York Jets (5-4)
Despite their poor reputation, Chicago's offence looks surprisingly good. Rex Grossman is a decent starter albit one seemingly made of glass, with old-mate former Birdie Brian Griese providing a servicable fallback. Thomas Jones is an good option out of the backfield behind an excellent o-line, but if there's a criticism to be made it's that they don't have enough speed in the passing game.
The defence, on the other hand, is terrific. If you're going to nit-pick around and look for potential holes to exploit you'd come up with rookie free safety Daniael Manning and LOLB Hunter Hillenmeyer. Then you might look a little closer and realise that their secondary isn't the quickest. But then you'd start wondering just how you were going to keep your quarterback upright for long enough to take advantage of the opportunity to beat Chicago deep.
Oh well.
-
We signal our intentions early by getting Old King Coles isolated on a safety and lobbing up a pass that he brings in for a 31-yard gain. On 3rd and 17 just outside the red zone, Justin McCareins gets open on a tricky post-corner route, but the ball sails on Kellen Clemens just enough to force the catch to be made a fraction out of bounds. Hands up all those who think that's going to come back to haunt us by the end of this game? Yeah. Yeah, me too. Mike Nugent knocks over a 43-yarder to open the scoring. CHI 0-3 NYJ
Three quick completions in four plays get Chicago into our territory, but an Eric Barton sack on second down grabs back the yardage Thomas Jones got on first. On 3rd and 9, we drop back into zone coverage for the first time today, and are rewarded by Rex Grossman firing a pass in the flat straight at OLB Victor Hobson... who lets it bounce off his hands and fall harmlessly to the floor. Hands up all those who think THAT'S going to come back to haunt us by the end of this game? Yeah, I'm with you on that one, too. The Bears punt from our 38 (!), the kick going out at our fifteen.
The Bears' whole entire playbook appears to be: a) Run the ball, b) Throw a dinky little eight-yard pass, c) Go to a). This is making it fairly easy to defend, as you might imagine. Their ensuing drive stalls when Grossman fails to thread a pass through ten defenders stationed within ten yards of the line of scrimmage on two consecutive plays. Just to prove that it wasn't a fluke last time out, Chicago punt from our 32 (!!!!), which goes out for a touchback. That's a net punt of... 12 yards. Yes, we're all professionals here.
A Chicago blitz on 3rd and 6 means nobody goes with Doug Jolley as he posts over the middle of the field. Kellen Clemens gets rid of the ball a microsecond before disappearing beneath two burly Bears, Jolley goes up and gets it over safety Daniael Manning, 28 yard gain. Huzzah! Cedric Houston busts through a Brian Urlacher tackle in the backfield and drags defenders down to the 6-yard line. Our redzone problems continue though, and when Coles drops a catch in the endzone on 3rd down the Nuge is back up, knocking it between the uprights from 26 yards. Hands up all those who think that's going to come back and haunt us by the end of this game, part III? CHI 0-6 NYJ
For the first time all afternoon, one of Grossman's short completions leads to the receiver getting away from his tackler - Justin Gage runs an in, catches the ball, shrugs off a Justin Miller tackle and is only run down by Jonathon Vilma after a 34-yard gain. The next play, Gage goes over the middle again, makes his catch, turns upfield and meets Kerry Rhodes coming the other way... FUMBLE! Erik Coleman scoops it up, there's a bit of a scrum... FUMBLE! Kerry Rhodes falls on it at the second attempt and it's our ball at our 25... or not. We're inside the last two minutes, so the booth review the play and give the ball back to Chicago. Nuts. Hands up all those who think... but you get the idea. Anyway, we don't need to wait 'till the end of the game, more like two plays, Justin Gage - who's starting to get on my tits - catching both, the second being a two-yard hitch for the touchdown with just over a minute left in the half. Trying to drive for an answering score, Kellen Clemens is picked off looking for Laverenues Coles down the seam and that's halftime. CHI 7-6 NYJ
-
Hang on a minute, isn't it about time we gave up our big running play for the day? Ah, that's better. Thomas Jones gets outside untouched, Kerry Rhodes takes a bad angle from safety and the halfback is gone, 77 yards untouched for the score. Sigh. CHI 14-6 NYJ
We get a chance to answer straight back when Chicago throw a seven-man blitz at us, allowing Nat King Coles to get behind the defence. Clemens gets the pass away, which his receiver proceeds to drop. Nuts. He does get the opportunity to make up for it after the exchange of punts, though - 3rd and 9 near midfield, we come out three-wide with Coles in the slot. He runs a square out, Clemens rolling out in the same direction. Chicago have dropped back into a cover-2, though, so there's a man on the receiver all the way to the left sideline. Realising he's still not open, Coles turns upfield, drifting in toward the goalposts. Nathan Vasher is a fraction slow to realise what's happening, giving the quarterback a chance to drop the ball over the defenders into Laverenues' waiting hands. He turns on the jets, angles out a fraction to get outside the safety who's scrambling to try and get back in the play and ends up strolling into the endzone for a 56-yard score. That's the way to do it! Following the principle of kick early, go for it late we don't try for the two-pointer. CHI 14-13 NYJ
The fourth quarter begins with another punt from Chicago. For the fourth time today Nat King Coles gets deep behind the defence. For the third time today, he makes the catch - 47 yards, and three plays later fullback JD Runnells catches a short pass out of the backfield for a 1-yard touchdown and the lead. Kellen Clemens has to come out with a slight muscle strain, and Patrick Ramsey comes in for the two-point try and does what he does best - throws a pick straight to Brian Urlacher. The goon. 7:43 left in the game. CHI 14-19 NYJ
The kickoff is sliced out of bounds - aarg - and Grossman pitches the ball outside to Thomas Jones, who busts through two tackles and is only bundled out of bounds at our 34. Aaarg. For his encore, he goes right up the middle for another first down. Aaaarg. First down at our 23, and Chicago run the play-action at the exact right time, Chad Lewis all on his own at the front-right corner of the endzone. Aaaaarg. Then Grossman puts the tin lid on it, hitting Justin Gage on the out for the deuce. Aaaaaarg. 5:16 left. CHI 22-19 NYJ
Drops have just killed us today, and this time it's Jerricho Cotchery's turn to make a contribution, shelling a perfect pass on 3rd and 9. At our own 42 with 4 minutes still on the clock and three timeouts left, we have to punt in the hope of getting a stop and having one more chance to win this puppy. The kick looks like we're going to pin them deep, but takes an awkward bounce and flies into the endzone for a touchback. Hellfire.
A short pass to Justin Gage - who else? - gets Chicago a first down. That's a problem. Even moreso when Grossman hits Gage AGAIN on the next play for another first do... FUMBLE! Justin Miller jabs the ball loose, No-Mark leaps on it and suddenly we've got a lifeline. 3:15 left to play, first down at the Chicago 34. We're immediately pushed out of field goal range when Wally Ogunleye slices into the backfield for a sack, but Laverenues Coles runs a short slant to take us back to the 29, and on 3rd and 5 we try going four-wide and sending Derrick Blaylock on the draw, but he's stuffed for just a couple of yards as the clock ticks down to the 2-minute warning. Mike Nugent hasn't missed a kick all season, but he hasn't had a field-goal try under this much pressure before now...
...for all the difference it makes. Mister Reliable hits a 45-yarder, and we're all tied. CHI 22-22 NYJ
Chicago aren't done yet. Two runs net them a first down. Two passes to Gage get them two more. 1:17 left, first down at our 35. At which point they go completely into their shell. Two runs net -2 yards, and on 3rd and 12 from the 37, the Bears... run up the middle again, for a whole 3 yards. Who's coaching this team? Herman Edwards? Despite their fundamental lack of bottle, the Bears still have a 51-yard figgie try to win this game, but Robbie Gould's kick is high, wide and handsome so we're going to overtime.
We win the toss and elect to receive, natch. I'm feeling pretty good about this, given that we've got an elite field-goal kicker and have been picking up big chunks of yardage in the passing game all d... oh, God. Justin Miller fumbles the kickoff return. Chicago fall on the ball, of course they bloody do, and being ten yards further in this time their three-runs-and-a-kick strategy is actually appropriate. Gould slots it from 36 yards, game over. God DAMN.
We officially have a problem covering second receivers. After Chad Jackson last week, this week it's Justin Gage who's gashed us - 10 catches, 143 yards and a score. Grossman only completed 6 passes that were't to Gage. Looking for silver linings, Kellen Clemens (14/38 for 265 yards, 2 TD, 1 INT, plus 4 rushes for 31 yards) had arguably his best game of the year against a great defence, and Laverenues Coles (5 catches, 157 yards, 1 TD) had definitely his best game of the year.
Even so, it's not a great deal of consolation. CHI 25-22 NYJ
|
|
|
Post by elth on Sept 16, 2006 22:26:52 GMT
You're going to have to suck more if you want to get a good draft pick, Horn.
I see you're back to .500 so a good start.
|
|
|
Post by DC on Sept 16, 2006 23:03:08 GMT
He'd only go and waste it on a Punter anyway.
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Sept 17, 2006 16:19:38 GMT
Just trade for the Bears punter, he's ace.
|
|
|
Post by hornet on Sept 17, 2006 16:32:07 GMT
At least Minnesota's season is disappearing down the tubes, so we should have a decent pick in the second and third rounds.
|
|
|
Post by hornet on Sept 17, 2006 16:33:00 GMT
Week 12 - Houston Texans (3-7) @ New York Jets (5-5)
There're a few minor upticks in week 11's player progression - most notably, our top three cornerbacks all pick up an OVR point apiece, taking them to 89 (Barrett), 87 (Miller) and 86 (Dyson) respectively. Kellen Clemens also grabs a point, giving him 77 OVR. And then there's the Vilmachine, also nabbing a point to raise him to a well-deserved 98 OVR.
Head-scratchingly, none of our offensive linemen, including rookie tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson - currently leading the NFL in pancakes - gain any points at all. Nice assessment, Madden.
So, the Texans. On defence it's like looking in a mirror, man. Stop me if you've heard this before - the whole defensive unit looks competent, there are a whole heap of servicable starters with no real holes other than maybe the strong safety slot. Sound familiar? Fortunately, the Texans don't seem to have an equivalent to Janet Ellis or Jonathon Vilma, so hopefully we'll be able to move the ball pretty well.
The offence is "led" by human punching-bag David Carr, he who has been sacked more often than any other quarterback over the first four years of his career. Carr's got a strong arm but very questionable accuracy, so it's just as well he's got three servicable deep threats at receiver in Andre Johnson, Eric Moulds and Jerome Mathis. Dominic Davis is a strong, shifty runner behind a line that's much better up the gut than it is at tackle.
A visit by the Texans is just the thing to pick you up after a couple of close losses, and I'm mentally filing this game under "if we can't win this one, we aren't going to win any".
-
The game gets off to a decent start when on the third play of the game David Carr goes looking for Eric Moulds over the middle but carelessly puts the pass a bit too close to Jonathon Vilma who's prowling the robber zone. It's the MLB's fifth pick of the year and - after a bout of our usual red-zone stumblings - sets up Mike Nugent for a 36-yard figgie to start the scoreboard ticking over. HOU 0-3 NYJ
It becomes a better start on the ensuing kickoff - Justin Miller comes swooping in off the left sideline, sweves around a blocker and crashes into return man Jerome Mathis at the sort of speed more usually associated with meteorites, experimental rocket-planes and Bill Parcells when the breakfast buffet's just opened. Mathis goes down in one direction, the ball goes down in another and Andre Dyson scoops it up and trots eighteen yards for the easiest touchdown of his career. HOU 0-10 NYJ
It's edging into start-beyond-the-dreams-of-avarice territory two plays later, when David Carr runs a play-fake, realises he's about to get Janet Ellis in the face and hastily puts the ball up in Eric Moulds' general direction. The pass drops woefully short, and Justin Miller creates his second turnover in about a minute by coming back to collect the interception. Two plays after that and it's even better than the real thing, child - rookie fullback JD Runnels seals the edge with a terrific block and Cedric Houston barrels off our left tackle and beats the Houston defence 22 yards to the corner of the endzone. For those of you keeping score, there's still 5:40 left in the first quarter. HOU 0-17 NYJ
The Unimaginatives aren't quite ready to become sacrifical cows just yet - Eric Moulds finally catches a pass intended for him, beating our cover-2 deep to the tune of 44 yards then, with Domanick Davis running well we bite on a play-action and leave Andre Johnson uncovered in the endzone - 25-yard score, and maybe this won't be the pushover it looked in the early early going. HOU 7-17 NYJ
In fact, things are starting to look a wee bit iffy. Outside linebacker Victor Hobson has to leave the game with a torn shoulder muscle, he'll be out for most of the rest of the regular season and his absence forces a bit of a hasty re-jig - Eric Barton moves across to fill Hobson's spot on the left, with Bryan Thomas coming in on the right. Following an exchange of punts, Kellen Clemens has to come out of the game for a series, leaving the offence in the incapable hands of Patrick "Like A Picks Machine" Ramsey. True to form, he manages one great completion to Justin McCareins that sees the big fella stiffarm his corner and break upfield to the tune of 41 yards, then follows it up by throwing up a panicked pass under pressure and seeing DeMarcus Faggins pick it off.
Goon.
Luckily, we force Houston to a three and out, and even more luckily Clemens is back on the field for our next drive. He hits JD Runnels out of the backfield for a first down at the Texan 20, then sees Old King Coles come slanting hard out of the slot on the next play. The quarterback rolls out to buy a bit of time, sets his feet and lets go a laser-guided bomb that hits the receiver perfectly just in front of the safety at the near front corner of the endzone. Gorgeous stuff. HOU 7-24 NYJ
Consecutive sacks from Eric Barton and the Vilmachine get the Texans quickly into a 3rd and 25 situation, the Barton sack being particularly funny - the linebacker threw himself at Carr who did an admirable job standing strong and letting the tackler bounce off him... then took an absent-minded step forward and tripped over the prostrate body of the defender now lying at his feet. That's the kind of pocket-presence that gets you a job as the starting quarterback in Houston, by golly! Anyway, on The Official Down And Distance Of The Arizona Cardinals, Carr gets off a panic pass just before Jonathon Vilma arrives to renew acquaintences - the ball sails harmlessly out of bounds and Carr makes his way to the sidelines nursing a broken thumb that'll keep him on the sidelines for three weeks.
With Dunta Robinson sidelined with a strained pec, four plays later Laverenues Coles beats DeMarcus Faggins all ends-up on a fade route up the right sideline, a 41-yard touchdown that more or less ices the game before halftime. The second half features Sage Rosenfels throwing four interceptions, the Nuge kicking three field-goals and our offence in full-on, take-no-chances, three-runs-and-punt mode. The win doesn't come without cost, though - CB2 and all-round special special teams guy Justin Miller strains his PCL in the third quarter and will be out a couple of weeks. Andre Dyson will take his spot at corner, while Derrick Blaylock fills in on returns.
This one is DEFINITELY Kellen Clemens' best day as a Jet - 15 of 21 for 190 yards, 2 scores, no turnovers. This game's a lot easier when you're playing someone as bad as you are, isn't it?
HOU 7-40 NYJ
|
|
|
Post by DC on Sept 17, 2006 16:40:25 GMT
Booo, beating on the Texans like that!
|
|
|
Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 17, 2006 16:46:33 GMT
Carr who did an admirable job standing strong and letting the tackler bounce off him... then took an absent-minded step forward and tripped over the prostrate body of the defender now lying at his feet. :humb: Nice win... 6-5 and a springboard to greater things, I'm sure, especially with an easy win in Wisconsin and the Bills to come. Then it's Minnesota and a chance to make the draft picks worth even more...
|
|
|
Post by Moo on Sept 18, 2006 9:02:08 GMT
40 points in one game? Are you sure you have those sliders in the right place? Cheaty poof.
|
|