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Post by Moo on Sept 4, 2006 8:39:06 GMT
Excellent stuff, Hornet. KUTGW! :thumb:
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Post by DC on Sept 4, 2006 18:20:14 GMT
Don't praise him, he might get the idea we want him to win.
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Post by hornet on Sept 5, 2006 21:28:07 GMT
Week 7 - Detroit Lions (2-4) @ New York Jets (4-2)
Suddenly short of H-back/tight end cover, we sign rookie fullback JD Runnels (80 OVR) to a 2-year, $1.3 million contract with a $500K signing bonus. Runnels hasn't got BJ Askew's speed or Chris Baker's hands but he's a better blocker than either and is at least servicable as an outlet receiver. He might keep the starting spot even after Askew's recovered, to be honest.
Anyway, the Lions... wait a minute, there... is that..? Oh. My. God. It's Josh McCown! A scrambler with a so-so arm and even more so-so accuracy, with the Cardinals he managed the seemingly-impossible by making me really, really wish that Jeff Blake were playing. Kevin Jones, fresh from single-handedly killing my fantasy team last year, is the starting halfback and is a pretty good all-around runner. The main targets are Roy Williams who's big and quick with good hands, and Charles Rogers who's big and quick with no hands. Former Colt Marcus Pollard starts at tight end - if he got any slower he'd be in reverse, but he's still got good hands and can find the seams between zones. The right side of Detroit's offensive line is a problem for them, with guard Damien Woody suffering from a sprained ankle, and RT Kelly Butler suffering from being rubbish.
The defence is... pretty good. Not great. Not bad. Pretty good. Their weakness at defensive end is compensated for a bit by their strength at tackle, the linebacker corps is good, with youth and speed on the outside anchored by wily vet Earl Holmes at MLB, and there's a ton of speed in the secondary with only FS Terrence Holt standing out as a weak link.
Call me crazy, but I like our chances.
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Well okay, I liked our chances more before the second play of the first drive. Kevin Jones busts up the middle and breaks a couple of tackles. Jonathon Vilma is just strolling over to have a word with him vis a vis not doing that again when safety Kerry Rhodes throws himself in Vilma's way. Nice one, blockhead. Jones goes 62 yards for the touchdown oh, and Rhodes has hurt his arm. Hopefully because his defensive captain has ripped it out of its socket and clubbed him unconscious with the wet end. DET 7-0 NYJ
No cause for panic yet. The teams exchange punts and then we finally start to get something going on offence. The play-action sees Doug Jolley free on a corner-route, and Kellen Clemens drops the ball into his hands for a 21-yard gain. Two plays later we're facing 3rd and inches at the Detroit 40, and with the entire Lion defence crashing the middle of the line, there's no-one to cover Curtis Martin as he wanders upfield and catches the simplest of passes for a 17-yard pickup. Hoo-ah! We're still not at our most fluent, though, and a decent gain by Martin on 1st down is somewhat undone by taking a sack on 2nd. On 3rd and 10, Clemens goes looking for Laveranues Coles on a crossing pattern but unfortunately puts his pass two or three steps behind the receiver to the exact spot where Dre Bly was trailing the play. 84 yards later, we're looking out of a rapidly deepening hole. DET 14-0 NYJ
We prove we've learned our lesson on the next drive, when the quarterback goes looking once again for a receiver over the middle, backup tight end Joel Dressen, only this time he, er, puts his pass two or three steps behind the receiver to the exact spot where Fernando Bryant was trailing the play. Ah, but we don't allow him to return it for a touchdown, so yay us! Detroit drive from their 40 to our 30, but a Janet Ellis sack puts a stop to their shenannigans and forces Jason Hanson to knock over a 51-yard figgie. Which he duly does. The git. 2-minute warning, DET 17-0 NYJ
Aaaaand we're soon in trouble on our next posession, but fortunately on 3rd and 16 at halfway the Lions bring a heavy blitz and Laveranues Coles beats the bump-and-run to catch a desperation pass lobbed into the gap between corner and safety to the tune of 17 yards. Phew. Two more quick first downs come as Clemens first hits Jerricho Cotchery on an out, then Justin McCareins runs the hook-pattern that the fat ponderous git's so well designed for to give us 1st and goal at the 4. We take a timeout with 20 ticks left. I call the trusty rollout play that gives Kellen Clemens three chances to score and has served us well to date - a tight end on a short hook, the fullback on a wheel-route or, failing that, just running the ball in himself. However Detroit's speedy outside linebackers have the options well-covered and Clemens is brought down two yards shy of the goal-line. Not to worry, we call a timeout and... and hang on, why hasn't the clock stopped? Oh, bugger, I had to use one earlier. So we're all out. Quick, get back to the... too late. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. Halftime. DET 17-0 NYJ
Never mind, at least we've proved we can move the ball, even if we display the worst clock management the world has seen since Mr. Bean got a job in a Timex factory. Or since, y'know. Herman Edwards. Still, you have to sense that the world's against you when really, really spectacularly unlikely events are starting to happen - stuff like Curtis "Safest Hands In Football" Martin losing a fumble on a routine crunch up the middle. Oh, and Laverenues Coles being knocked out of the rest of the game with a pinched nerve. I'm now just waiting for Jonathon Vilma to be hit by a meteorite, D'Brickashaw Ferguson to sprain an ankle tripping over an imaginary deceased tortoise and Jim Carrey to make a watchable movie. Back to the game for a second, Vilma is once more keeping his head while all around him are losing theirs, and his sack stops the Lions adding to their lead, the punt sailing out at our 16.
We can't move the ball but neither can they, and Ben Graham proves his worth when the exchange of kicks improves our field position to the 45. The advantage doesn't last long, however, as Bad Kellen Clemens has turned up today and overthrows Justin McCareins on 3rd and long, giving Fernando Bryant his second interception of the day. The defence holds again and this time we get to start the drive on our 36. Jerricho Cotchery catches a nine-yard hook to give us 2nd and 1, and we come out in the I-form intending to try a play-pass but find Detroit's nickel package waiting for us. One quick audible later and C-Mart's loping through the wide open spaces to the tune of 24 yards. But we STILL can't quite make it happen, two sacks in three plays forcing us to kick the field goal, which the Nuge duly converts on the first play of the fourth quarter. DET 17-3 NYJ
Kevin Jones being dropped in the backfield on the first play of the ensuing drive forces the Lions to the air on the second play. McCown goes for Roy Williams over the middle in very heavy traffic, but Jonathon Vilma has dropped back into that sneaky underneath zone we use him in so often and picks off the pass. The faint dawning of hope that we might just sneak back into this are quashed as first Martin goes nowhere, then Clemens is sacked on second down. But on third down Justin McCareins pulls in a 15 yards pass on the slant, setting up a 4th and 5 at the Detroit 30. We've no choice but to go for it. With Coles still on the sideline, the I-form is the logical choice, putting our five best receivers who have two functioning limbs - McCareins, Cotchery, C-Mart, Doug Jolley and JD Runnels - on the field at once. The Lions sense their chance to end this now and bring the house, but that leaves room behind them and in the split-second he has to make a decision before being crushed underfoot by half-a-dozen fat lads in Honolulu blue Kellen Clemens realises that Doug Jolley's run to the sticks, turned around and there're no defenders within five yards of him. The pass is accurate, the catch is made, ten yards and a first down. Phew. It's Jolley again on the next play, catching it right by the left sideline to give us first and goal at the 4, and we FINALLY breach the goal-line with 3:24 left in the game, JD Runnels all alone at the corner of the endzone to catch the first TD of his NFL career. Blimey, from out of nowhere this game's getting a bit tense. DET 17-10 NYJ
The Lions aren't making any pretence of doing anything but milking the clock, but they nearly get a first down anyway when it falls to Andre "He Is To Tackling What Paris Hilton Is To Sumo Wrestling" Dyson to stop Shawn Bryson on a 3rd and 7 run. Bryson actually drags Dyson for a couple of yards before finally succumbing to gravity just inches from the first-down marker. Phew. The first play after the two-minute warning is Nick Harris booming his punt into our endzone.
Okay then. Here we go. Three - definitely three - timeouts left, a smidgeon under two minutes and eighty yards to go.
Let's get.
It.
ON.
Um. Actually, let's get it off again. With no Nat King Coles to stretch the field, it's dead easy for Detroit to just crowd the underneath zones and make it next-to-impossible for us to get a completion, let alone move the ball quickly enough. We use up a minute getting to our own 40-yard line, before two incompletions, a sack and a desperation heave that's knocked down finally kill the game off. Arse.
The annoying thing is that the defence have played really, really well - McCown managed just 70 yards passing and an interception, Kevin Jones had 80 yards on the ground but 62 of those came on one play. Turnovers (and the hilarious blunder at the end of the first half that cost us at least 3 points) have absolutely slaughtered us today, and not for the first time. Kellen Clemens had 250 yards but threw 3 picks, and when he did get it on target his receivers didn't help him out much - 5 drops in 42 passing attempts. Gah.
Anyway. I know you're only reading for the human misery so this ought to please you, you filthy vultures. DET 17-10 NYJ
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Post by elth on Sept 5, 2006 22:33:35 GMT
If Vilma is as good this season IRL as he's playing for you, he'll do nicely as my IDP player.
Sweet.
Enjoyed that game much more than the last two, KUT GW :humb:
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Post by Narcizo on Sept 6, 2006 7:59:38 GMT
Horn. You're crazy.
There!
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Post by Moo on Sept 6, 2006 8:40:35 GMT
Love it! You're so much better at this story telling than the other fella. I think it's because you're funny and he isn't.
The timeout management was very reminiscent of last season's Superbowl which astounded me and quite a few others, I would imagine.
Anyhoo, I give your performance in the last game a :moose:
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 6, 2006 11:46:05 GMT
And the superbowl before that. Keep up this sort of time management Horn and you'll be a shoe-in for an NFC Head Coaching job.
Or we could just send the Jets to the NFC. That would be fine too.
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Post by hornet on Sept 6, 2006 14:44:41 GMT
Week 8 - New York Jets (4-3) @ Cleveland Oranges (2-4)
I've said it before, I'll say it again. It's not brown, it's orange. You fools.
Charlie Frye is the second coming of Josh McCown. The poor sod. He's got plenty of big targets to aim for, though - Joe Jurevicius, Braylon Edwards, Dennis Northcutt and Kellen Winslow Jr. Also taking the pressure off a bit is the presence of Reuben Droughns, a real load to bring down and proof, along with Clinton "Sheriff Gonna Getcha" Portis, that Denver backs don't always struggle when they leave Denver. The line's pretty good, with the exception of useless former Jet Dave Yovanovits, filling in at right guard for the injured Cosey Coleman.
The Orange defence seems designed to do one thing and one thing only. From veteran human foothill Ted "Mount" Washington, through the talented linebackers captained by Willie McGinest and Andra Davis, to the OK-but-lacking-some-speed secondary this looks like a team it's going to be near-impossible to run on with any sort of consistency.
Good job our passing attack's been so good this year then, eh readers?
Over the week, we nip out and pick up our second stopgap injury replacement of the year - when you're linding up in a goal-line set and realise you've got Trey Teague manning a tight end spot, it's probably time to look for a free agent. 12th year veteran Rickey Dudley (77 OVR) comes in on a 1-year contract worth just over $1M. He'll be our TE3 behind Doug Jolley and young Joel Dreessen.
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The Oranges win the toss and elect to kick. Justin Miller receives the kick at the 11, tucks in behind a blocker and sets off up the middle of the park. Good work by the wedge in front of him opens a tiny gap on Miller's left, and without hesitation he slides through it, suddenly finding himself with just the kicker, Phil Dawson, between him and the open field. Miller sprints sideways, beats Dawson to the sideline and turns upfield from where it's a race against the covering defenders scrambling desperately to get back. Our boy's got the legs on all of them, though and that'll be an 89-yard kickoff return, thankyou oh-so-very-much. NYJ 7-0 CLE
We force Cleveland three-and-out, and against all expectation have success with the running game early. Four carries for C-Mart and one 10-yard QB scramble put us well into Orange territory before we launch our first pass of the day, which naturally Willie McGinest intercepts. Won't be trying THAT again. We get another defensive stop, albeit at the cost of safety Erik Coleman who's done for the day with a strained bicep.
The game suddenly flares back into life at the start of the second quarter - Joe Jurevicius, who's really, really not the quickest, somehow manages to get deep behind our coverage. I don't know, perhaps they were having a tea-break or something. Charlie Frye unloads a pass that just about squeaks over the defenders and only a desperate last tackle by No-Mark Barett keeps it to just a 48-yard gain. As it turns out, that just delays the inevitable for one play, Braylon Edwards posting up and Frye getting the ball in there from nine yards out. NYJ 7-7 CLE
Anything you can do, we can do better, we can do anything better than you... first play of the ensuing drive, Nat King Coles blows past his corner and runs under the pass for a 46-yard gain and a first down at the Orange 20. It looks like yet another of our drives that's going to flare out in the red-zone on 3rd and 10, but with all his receivers covered Kellen Clemens tucks the ball away and picks up 11 on the scramble, dancing out of bounds before several large gentlemen arrive to discuss the matter with him. 1st and goal at the 9, Cleveland bring the blitz but we've anticipated it, calling slant routes for both the wide receivers. Coles makes the grab for a 9-yard score and we're back in front. NYJ 14-7 CLE
It really ought to be 21-7 when a blitz on the Oranges' next drive forces Frye to throw hurriedly off his back foot, but No-Mark is obviously eyeing the gaping endzone ahead of him instead of making sure of the catch and in the end the ball bounces harmlessly off his hands. Berk. To add injury to, er, injury, Dave Zasturdil (isn't that a zit cream?) launches a terrific punt that sails out at our 4. 3 minutes left in the half.
We manage to struggle out as far as the 30 before being forced to punt, but Ben Graham chooses a spectacularly bad time to have one of his few real shockers, a terrible shank that flies out just ten yards downfield. Yoiks. Fortunately we've still got Jonathon Vilma. His sack on 1st down forces Charlie Frye out of the game with a head injury - doing a Culpepper as it's known around here - and Ken Dorsey comes in and immediately launches the second pass in about five minutes that's bounced off No-Mark when it would have been easier for him to make the pick. If this carries on we're going to have to start calling him Bucket-Hands. Dorsey does manage a short completion on third down, before Phil Dawson comes in and hits the second 55-yard field goal against us in three weeks. Grrrrr. Halftime. NYJ 14-10 CLE
Appoximately the seventieth punt of the day concludes Cleveland's first drive, but minor hilarity follows when Jerricho Cotchery is forced out of bounds after picking up nine yards on a neat little out-pattern. I'm just browsing plays for 2nd and 1 when I'm halted in my tracks by Romeo Crenell chucking out his challenge flag. The ref takes a look at the replay, yes, upholds the challenge and moves the spot of the ball back a whole yard. Oh no! My complex strategy has been utterly undone by the radical change of field position! Whatever shall we do! Oh, Dreessen on the hook, ten yards, just as I was about to call anyway. Still, nice to know you're trying to contribute, Romeo. You pillock. The third quarter ends with the seventy-third punt of the day and time's starting to run out for the Oranges.
It looks like number seventy-four's on the way when we get Cleveland to a 3rd and 10 on their 39. With Joe Jurevicius out with a torn groin (and if your eyes don't water thinking about that, you're a stronger man than I am), the excellently-named Frisman Jackson has been pushed up to a starting spot. Jackson runs to the stick and turns around, and to his credit Buckethands Barrett doesn't let this pass bounce off him and hit the turf.
Oh no.
This one he misses altogether.
That'll be a 23-yard gain, then. Gah. As we're reeling from this, Reuben Droughns gets 13 more up the middle, injuring Kerry Rhodes in the process - that's both our starting safeties on the sidelines, minor-injury fans! Anyway, first down at our 35, five minutes to play, only a touchdown will do for the Oranges. Droughns hits the pile for a single yard, but that's OK because Braylon Edwards goes up over Justin Miller for a first down at our 23. Droughns again picks up minimal yardage, and Dorsey goes back to Frisman Jackson on the hook but this time No-Mark's on the spot to hold it to a seven-yard gain. 3rd and 3 at the 15 yard line. Back to Droughns hammering between the tackles, but we've clogged the lanes and Eric Barton stops him for just 1 yard.
4th and 2, and there's no choice but to go for it. They've got two tight ends, two running backs and a wideout on the field, and we respond with our goal-line set. If Crennel's got the stones to let Dorsey try and throw for the first down then good luck to him, and the boy's going to have to do it with rushers in his face. They don't. Droughns again, trying to run over the left tackle, but there's a crowd-scene on the line of scrimmage and it's kick-off return hero Justin Miller who gets through to bring him down a yard shy of the first down. The ball spills out and with bodies flying everywhere Dewayne Robertson gets to it first. Hurrah... hang on, Crennel's thrown his red flag again. They're challenging... the fumble? Um... I mean..? Wasn't it..? The ref goes under the hood, comes out and yes, reverses the turnover from the fumble so play starts with us... holding the ball because of the turnover on downs.
Wherefore art thy challenge, Romeo?
Still, this one isn't quite done - there's 2:28 on the clock and the Oranges still have all three timeouts. Three runs eat up a minute and a half and two of Cleveland's timeouts, and mercifully this time Graham gets off a decent pint, out of bounds at the Orange 29.
Christ! First play of the drive, Dorsey goes over No-Mark's head AGAIN to Jackson for a 34-yard gain! Only a minute left, but they've still got one chance to stop the clock and they're now at our 36. It's all getting a bit tricky now... Dorsey, clearly realising he's on a winner here, goes back to the well on the next snap but underthrows the pass a bit and it's the REVENGE OF NO-MARK! Barrett makes an unfussy interception and with no-one between him and the goal-line leads a parade of desperate Oranges 75 yards for the score that ices the game. There's still time for Dorsey to once again get Cleveland into our half but end the drive with a pick to Justin Miller - who's had a fairly useful game, all things considered. Another squeaky one. NYJ 21-10 CLE
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Post by Moo on Sept 6, 2006 15:44:15 GMT
I hope you apologised to No-Mark after the game. poor lad will get a complex and think he really is shite.
You what?
So errr... yeah... ye fooking OAP.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 6, 2006 16:17:20 GMT
Aye, four-and-three with that bunch of forking clowns. It's not likely, is it.
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Post by coffers on Sept 6, 2006 16:50:57 GMT
Halfway through and you are still over achieving, well done! If you aren't over achieving then well done anyway. Whatever, I'm enjoying this but your restructuring plans seem to be in a bit of danger of collasping without trace. KUTSUYRPW! :thumb: (Screwing Up Your Restructuring Plans)
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Post by hornet on Sept 6, 2006 16:59:34 GMT
Well, part of the restructuring was ditching Pennington this year so's I'd have the cap room to go free-agent hunting next off-season or the offseason after.
To be honest, part of me is hoping that Martin retires at the end of the season, because if he does I'll have pretty much a blank slate on offence and just a ton of money to bring in whoever seems to fit the bill.
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Post by elth on Sept 7, 2006 11:16:17 GMT
You'll also have no running back and no quarterback.
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 7, 2006 11:31:43 GMT
As opposed to what he has now. err...
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Post by hornet on Sept 7, 2006 14:11:18 GMT
You'll also have no running back and no quarterback. Clemens might serve. And I've got a masterplan for the RB position that may or may not become apparrent. A-HA!
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Post by Moo on Sept 7, 2006 14:39:29 GMT
You're not going to use them and you're going for a five TE set most of the time?
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Post by hornet on Sept 7, 2006 14:59:34 GMT
Have you been reading my diary again?
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 7, 2006 16:23:59 GMT
Psst. I don't think Moo meant that sort of tight end.
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Post by Narcizo on Sept 7, 2006 19:53:12 GMT
Can someone explain "Suffer A Jet Movement" to me pls thx.
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Post by DC on Sept 7, 2006 19:54:00 GMT
"Suffragette"
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Post by Mr Bismarck's Electric Donkey on Sept 7, 2006 20:37:34 GMT
It's from Blackadder Goes Forth. Lord Flasheart says something along the lines of "If she wants to chain herself to my railing and suffer a jet movement then I'm all for it."
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Post by DC on Sept 7, 2006 22:24:09 GMT
Spoilsport, make him look it up.
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Post by hornet on Sept 8, 2006 1:24:53 GMT
It's week 9.
You've asked for it! You've waited for it! And now it's here!
Yes, it's the SPECTACULAR BYE STAT WEEK!
Uh. Or something.
Let's start with the traditional glance at the standings, shall we?
AFC East New England Patriots 6-2 NEW YORK JETS 5-3 Miami Dolphins 2-6 Buffalo Bills 2-6
Yep, it's the haves and the have-nots in this division this year. The Phish were already on a bit of a slide before Daunte Culpepper's jaw connected sharply with Jonathon Vilma in week 6. Obviously they ended up losing that game and haven't won one since. Buffalo meanwhile have actually won two of their last three having started the season 0-5. Both teams's primary woes are on offence - the Bills have scored just 15.8 points a game, good for 29th in the league. Miami have really pushed the envelope though, managing just 14.7 ppg (31st in the NFL) and combining that with shipping over 24 ppg on defence, the sixth-highest total of any team.
The lesson to be learned from this? It's not a great idea to have either Joey Harrington or JP Losman throwing passes for an actual NFL franchise.
The blip New England had in weeks 3 and 4 where they lost to the Broncos and Bengals by six combined points seems to be behind them and they're now cruising, including last week's game against the Colts where they scored 31 points in the first quarter (!) and went on to win 51-27 (!!) with Tom Brady throwing six touchdowns (!!!). Makes our four-point squeaker over Indianapolis look a bit sick, eh?
Crazy though it might sound, we still have a chance of winning the division here. After we go to the Razor to play New England next week we don't have another game against a team who currently boast a winning record. The tiny fly in that ointment? Jacksonville (currently 5-3) are the only team above .500 that the Pats have left on their slate.
Oh well. We're rebuilding anyway, remember?
Around the rest of the conference - the Chargers (6-1-1) and the Broncos (6-2) are currently battling it out to be the best of the West, and a quirk of the schedule means that they've still got to play two games against each other. Oakland are watching the pair disappear into the distance at 4-4. The North is somehow even tighter, with the Steelers and Sin-City Bengals locked together at 4-4. Hilariously, the Ravens (proud owners of the third-worst offence in football) are only a game back after a topsy-turvy season where they won their first three games and have since lost the next five. Similar hilarity on show in Indianapolis, where the Colts started 3-0, lost to us, won their next game but are now on a 3-game slide that's dropped them to second in their division, a game back on the 5-3 Jaguars.
So for those of you keeping score, we're currently sitting on the 6th seed in the conference, behind the Broncos but only a game ahead of the Colts, Raiders and whoever emerges from the Pittsburg / Sin City cage match. Which is nice.
Current standings in the NFC South - Carolina 6-2, New Orleans 6-2, Atlanta 6-2, Tampa Bay 1-7. One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong... New Orleans is the big surprise here, their rennaissance powered by he-could-stop-playing-now-and-still-be-rookie-of-the-year phenom Reggie Bush (8 games played, over 1300 yards from scrimmage) and the league's best defence (!!!!). For the league's best offence, you have to visit the North and, specifically, the Eagles who've managed to rack up nearly 28 points a game on their way to a 6-2 record. Terrell Owens' new employers are a game back on his old ones, and it's 3-5 bar. Out West, and... does someone have this piece of paper the wrong way up? Apparently not. Top of the shop are the San Fran 69ers at 5-3, the Rams are just behind them with a 4-3-1 record with last year's NFC Champion Seahawks at 4-4. Yikes. Finally, our trade for the Vikings' draft picks wasn't looking to clever when they leaped out to a 4-1 start, but fortunately they've slumped to 4-4 since then and are now tied with the Bears for the lead in the tightest division in the NFL. With the Packers and Lions both at 3-5, it's anyone's guess who's going to emerge from this divison.
We move on to everyone's favourite part of the bye-week - let's see who's really, really badly hurt themselves so far this year. Prize for The Most Fantasy Seasons Ruined In One Fell Swoop goes to Larry Johnson, whose broken collarbone in Week 5 has finished him for the season. Prize for The Second Most Fantasy Seasons Ruined In One Fell Swoop is awarded to Shaun Alexander, who tore a quad last week and like a bat out of hell is gone, gone, gone for 2006. The other big-name backs putting their feet up for the duration are Edgerrin James (broken femur) and Warrick Dunn (foot fracture). Quarterbacks anr receivers seem to have had something of a charmed life, at least when they're not playing us. The only real big name to miss any significant time is Reggie Wayne, who's already missed three games and will likely be out another six with a dislocated elbow. Ouchy. On the other side of the ball, Tampa Bay's perennial Pro-Bowl linebacker Derrick Brooks is the biggest name taking the rest of the year off, his broken elbow in Week 4 helping the Bucs on their way to the league's worst record.
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Post by hornet on Sept 8, 2006 1:26:36 GMT
So that's the situation with everyone else. How're our lads doing?
TEAM STATS Rushing Offence: 716 yds (31st) Passing Offence: 1276 yds (18th) Total Offence: 1992 yds (31st) Points Scored Per Game: 19.5 (17th)
Rushing Defence: 540 yds (1st) Passing Defence: 1207 yds (9th) Total Defence: 1747 yds (1st) Points Allowed Per Game: 17.7 (12th)
Takeaways: 12 (25th) Giveaways: 21 (29th) Turnover differential: -9 (30th)
During the Cardinals story, somebody said that I ought to take over a team whose defence is mostly sorted but who needed to rebuild on offence (since both the Cards and the Bengals were pretty much the other way around).
Whoever they were, well, happy bloody Christmas.
I think the Points Scored/Allowed rankings are wildly out of whack with the Total Offence/Defence rankings mostly because the offence and defence are, to some extent, cancelling each other out. Our strong defence is providing short fields so we've scored more points than you might expect from our anaemic offence, and the reverse is probably also true. Our hideous turnover differential is a worry, and stems primarily from our passing attack's carelessness with the ball and our secondary's inability to hang on to potential interceptions.
And finally, let's have a quick shufti at the individual players who've made us the team we are today.
OFFENCE
Passing Kellen CLEMENS - 113/224 (50%) for 1436 yards, 10 TDs, 12 INT, QB Rtg 63.4 Well, as rookie seasons go it's decent. As seasons for the starting quarterback of an NFL franchise go... eh, not so hot. Still, we knew we'd be going through growing pains with the lad, he's hardly got a top-notch set of targets to be passing to and if he can just learn not to try and make too much happen every time he gets the ball in his hands (Clemens has already been sacked 24 times in eight games) he should be more than servicable.
Rushing Curtis MARTIN - 158 carries for 573 yards (3.6 ypc), 3 TDs, 3 fumbles Kellen CLEMENS - 27 carries for 123 yards (4.5 ypc), 2 TDs, 5 fumbles Martin's problem, as predicted, is that he's entirely dependant on the line in front of him. If there's a hole open, he'll get five yards. If there's not, he can't make anything happen on his own. In addition, with absolutely no breakaway speed he's utterly incapable of padding his stats by turning a seven yard gain into a twenty yard gain. Still, he's largely a safe pair of hands even though it's difficult not to think that there are any number of cheaper options capable of providing a pedestrian three and a half yards a carry. Kellen Clemens has run more often as the season has worn on, and gotten better and better at avoiding contact and protecting the ball.
Receiving Laveranues COLES - 23 catches for 394 yards (17.1 ypc), 5 TDs Justin McCAREINS - 21 catches for 299 yards (14.2 ypc), 1 TD Doug JOLLEY - 17 catches for 209 yards (12.2 ypc), 1 TD Curtis MARTIN - 9 catches for 167 yards (18.5 ypc) Jerricho COTCHERY - 15 catches for 161 yards (10.7 ypc) Chris BAKER - 13 catches for 111 yards (8.5 ypc), 1 TD The bankrupt man's Tom Brady, Kellen Clemens has spread the ball around his targets. Predictably, Coles has been the deep threat and has performed pretty well in that role. McCareins and Cotchery have used the speed on the other side of the field to work the underneath routes with some success. The backs and tight ends have seen more action in the passing game than is usual on my teams, Curtis Martin in particular playing well when the ball's come to him in the open field. With all that said, though, the receiving corps are putting up profoundly ordinary numbers and will obviously continue to do so until their quarterback comes of age.
Blocking D'Brickashaw FERGUSON* - 56 pancakes**, 2 sacks Adrian JONES* - 47 pancakes, 6 sacks Pete KENDALL* - 39 pancakes, 2 sacks Brandon MOORE* - 33 pancakes, 1 sack Nick MANGOLD - 25 pancakes, 3 sacks Chris BAKER - 15 pancakes Doug JOLLEY - 13 pancakes * - Projects to 2006 Pro-Bowl ** - Leads NFL When ludicrous numbers of pancakes attack! D'Brickashaw Ferguson would be the obvious choice for offensive rookie of the year were it not for the crazy numbers that the boy Bush is putting up (my father was a gambling man) down in New Orleans.
DEFENCE
Jonathon VILMA* - 49 tackles, 9 for loss**, 12 sacks**, 4 interceptions * - Projects to 2006 Pro-Bowl ** - Leads NFL
Worth seeing that statline all on its own, isn't it? Vilma has been The Man all year - we've been careful to put him in situations that best use his skills, either edge-rushing to take advantage of his speed, or having him play in space behind the defensive line to bring his explosiveness and field vision into play. Even so... damn. I mean, 21 tackles in the backfield AND a leading-all-linebackers 4 picks? He really is here, there and fricking everywhere...
Other standouts on the NFL's number 2 defence (ahahahahahaaa!) -
Tackles Justin MILLER - 28 (1 for loss) Kerry RHODES - 26 (2 for loss) David BARRETT - 25 (1 for loss) Eric BARTON - 24 (1 for loss) Brad KASSELL - 18 (3 for loss) Shaun ELLIS - 17 (4 for loss) Erik COLEMAN - 16 Victor HOBSON - 13 (3 for loss) Dewayne ROBERTSON - 12 (2 for loss) Lots of defensive backs to the fore, possibly because anything even vaguely toward the middle of the field seems to be tackled by The Vilmachine.
Sacks Shaun ELLIS - 5 Eric BARTON - 5 (1 safety) Dewayne ROBERTSON, Kimo von OELHOFFEN - 3 Victor HOBSON - 2 Pressure on the quarterback has been the cornerstone of the defence. We've played mostly a 3-man line and have tried to bring pressure from odd places, blitzing corners, safties and any of the four linebackers with some success. I'm not sure what to make of the fact that we have the NFL's second-best defence, yet apparently we've only got one defensive player worthy of the Pro-Bowl.
Interceptions Justin MILLER, David BARRETT, Eric BARTON, Andre DYSON - 1 Takeaways have, um, not been a cornerstone of the defence.
SPECIAL TEAMS
Kicking Mike NUGENT - 7 of 7 FG (Long - 50 yds), 19 of 19 XP Yeah, that'll do, I s'pose.
Punting Ben GRAHAM - 24 punts for 1039 yds (43.2 ypp, 41.9 ypp net**) ** - leads NFL Graham's net average - you know, the really important stat, the one that actually tells you how far down the field he's moved the opposition - is almost 4 yards per punt higher than anyone else in the league. He also has 10 punts landed inside the opposition 20-yard line and just 1 touchback. Is that enough to get him a look for the Pro Bowl? Is it nadgers.
Returns Justin MILLER - 31 kicks returned for 797 yards (25.7 ypk), 1 TD Justin MILLER - 9 punts returned for 56 yards (6.2 ypp) Fine and dandy, thanks.
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Post by hornet on Sept 8, 2006 1:29:11 GMT
Just to let you know, after this weekend the updates will probably slow a bit, since I'm finally back in the ranks of the employed.
Still, fake Helmetball's loss is not-starving-to-death-in-a-gutter's gain.
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